Anxiety is ruining my academic life and I don't know how to cope anymore?
I realise similar threads have been posted before but here's my version:
I have been suffering from anxiety since when I was 9/10 (due to bullying amongst other things) and have always been extremely anxious about everything. It started off with school anxiety i.e. constantly worrying about my performance at school, worrying about getting the highest marks possible in every exam and feeling inadequate if I don't etc. It didn't affect me as much and it wasn't very strong but basically perfectionism had already started to control my life.
However ever since October 2013 (when I came out as gay to myself) or so my anxiety levels have shot up to an extreme form. I have awful social anxiety now and I can't talk to someone new without stammering, repeating the same thing over and over amongst other things. Worst of all, I cannot study at all without crying and hating myself completely because I feel worthless and hopeless and I feel like I'm moving towards becoming an inevitable failure.
I really need to study though
I have A Levels (important uni entrance exams) in 1 month and 21 days and I still have loads to cover. I could have finished ages ago but my attempt at studying always turns out like this:
Nothing seems to help: breaking it down into small goals made me panic even more because it doubled the material in my head, setting a timer for 30 mins then taking a break didn't work either because during this time I still panicked. Calming techniques like music or going for a short walk next to the sea don't help at all either and only seem to make it worse.
I have so much to do and I've fallen so far behind because of this. I have past papers to work out, material to revise and still have some notes to make.
I cannot do this anymore ugh I just want to study and go to my exams feeling prepared and confident and revise without hating myself. I don't know if I have enough time to study two years' material for four subjects (Bio, Chem, Physics and Philosphy) with enough/proper revision to get me the grades I need. I've started a few things over the last few months but it's not getting me anywhere and I haven't been able to actually completely and fully finish a single topic.
This has been going on for ages. During my two years of sixth form, I've missed so many tests due to anxiety and it's extremely worrying but I feel so overwhelmed and hate myself so much all the time because of this and I just don't know what to do anymore.
I've been seeing a counsellor for a year and a half but I think she's given up on me and has no idea what could help me anymore. She also diagnosed me with depression a few weeks ago and said that my anxiety paved the way for it. I was supposed to see a psychiatrist but I waited two hours for him (on the day when my appointment was scheduled) and by the time he arrived I had to leave. I'm not sure if medications would actually help me at this point and I'm terrified of the side effects. My sister, who knows about my state, warned me against them and told me to fight it myself but it feels very overwhelming and I have no idea how.
My parents are completely unaware of everything because the last time I told them about my anxiety and depression they gave me a horrible horrible horrible time for trying to get them to help me, so I have to do it alone.
TL DR; Anxiety is ruining my academic life, my social life, everything. I just want to hide somewhere. What do I do?
I have been suffering from anxiety since when I was 9/10 (due to bullying amongst other things) and have always been extremely anxious about everything. It started off with school anxiety i.e. constantly worrying about my performance at school, worrying about getting the highest marks possible in every exam and feeling inadequate if I don't etc. It didn't affect me as much and it wasn't very strong but basically perfectionism had already started to control my life.
However ever since October 2013 (when I came out as gay to myself) or so my anxiety levels have shot up to an extreme form. I have awful social anxiety now and I can't talk to someone new without stammering, repeating the same thing over and over amongst other things. Worst of all, I cannot study at all without crying and hating myself completely because I feel worthless and hopeless and I feel like I'm moving towards becoming an inevitable failure.
I really need to study though
I have A Levels (important uni entrance exams) in 1 month and 21 days and I still have loads to cover. I could have finished ages ago but my attempt at studying always turns out like this:1.
I end up waking late because I wouldn't have been able to sleep the night before. 10/11 am and I haven't started. I hate myself for waking up late, have a major panic attack.
2.
I try to start asap, make a list of things I want to accomplish by the end of the day, realise I am far behind and probably won't finish on time or finish the right way to get the grades I need for Medicine (AAA).
3.
Have another horrible panic attack, one which lasts for several hours. I get chest pains everywhere, blinding headache, dizziness which escalates to a lot of self-hatred and can even trigger suicidal thoughts (ugh they're awful).
4.
I try to find a way to calm down; I try to listen to a song or two but it makes it worse because I realise that time is flying and I am still far behind on everything and can't get a grip of my life and that I'm going to end up getting anything but the grades I need.
5.
Since the calming technique wouldn't have worked, I try to take a nap but end up hating myself more because by this time it's 6/7/8 pm and I still haven't done much. This activates yet another panic attack which lasts till 11/12 until i cannot take it anymore and go to cry in bed till 2 am or so.
6.
The cycle repeats itself.
Nothing seems to help: breaking it down into small goals made me panic even more because it doubled the material in my head, setting a timer for 30 mins then taking a break didn't work either because during this time I still panicked. Calming techniques like music or going for a short walk next to the sea don't help at all either and only seem to make it worse.
I have so much to do and I've fallen so far behind because of this. I have past papers to work out, material to revise and still have some notes to make.
I cannot do this anymore ugh I just want to study and go to my exams feeling prepared and confident and revise without hating myself. I don't know if I have enough time to study two years' material for four subjects (Bio, Chem, Physics and Philosphy) with enough/proper revision to get me the grades I need. I've started a few things over the last few months but it's not getting me anywhere and I haven't been able to actually completely and fully finish a single topic.
This has been going on for ages. During my two years of sixth form, I've missed so many tests due to anxiety and it's extremely worrying but I feel so overwhelmed and hate myself so much all the time because of this and I just don't know what to do anymore.
I've been seeing a counsellor for a year and a half but I think she's given up on me and has no idea what could help me anymore. She also diagnosed me with depression a few weeks ago and said that my anxiety paved the way for it. I was supposed to see a psychiatrist but I waited two hours for him (on the day when my appointment was scheduled) and by the time he arrived I had to leave. I'm not sure if medications would actually help me at this point and I'm terrified of the side effects. My sister, who knows about my state, warned me against them and told me to fight it myself but it feels very overwhelming and I have no idea how.
My parents are completely unaware of everything because the last time I told them about my anxiety and depression they gave me a horrible horrible horrible time for trying to get them to help me, so I have to do it alone.
TL DR; Anxiety is ruining my academic life, my social life, everything. I just want to hide somewhere. What do I do?
Wow, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It sounds incredibly complex and difficult. Well done for managing get this far with such difficult A levels, and for getting an offer for medicine.
Firstly, your parents have reacted in an inappropriate way. Although talking to them didn't work last time, it sounds as if they were scared and unsure of how to react. Consider bringing it up again, and explain that you need their support, despite what they may think about the situation. If necessary, bring them to see your counsellor/doctor so they can see how much you are struggling.
Having done A levels, I can fully relate to how difficult they are. The amount of work and pressure is completely overwhelming, and it was the hardest two years of my life so far. This may sound completely and utterly crazy, but a friend of mine had a very difficult time during her A levels. She had mental health disorders and problems with her family, so decided to take a year out from college at the end of her AS exams. She got as much help as possible and gave herself time to recover, before starting again the following September. Would this be an option for you?
While I completely understand that your sister is trying to help, if your doctor has prescribed this medication (given how difficult you are finding life at the minute) I would really recommend taking it. If you are worried about the side effects, then go back to your doctor and discuss your options. Trying to "fight it yourself" sounds incredibly difficult; like telling someone with a broken arm to "get over it".
In terms of revision, I'm not sure how helpful I'll be but I'll try and offer a bit of advice. From the sounds of it, you attempt to revise but immediately feel like you won't/aren't getting enough done. It sounds as if from the moment you wake up, you feel that you won't finish anything. Try your hardest to work in the present; ask yourself to do one page of notes and if you manage to do that, then see it as an achievement. If setting a list of things to do stresses you (I know it always made me panic) then only do one thing at a time, and if you manage to do them be proud of yourself, because it is brilliant.
Good luck with everything!
Firstly, your parents have reacted in an inappropriate way. Although talking to them didn't work last time, it sounds as if they were scared and unsure of how to react. Consider bringing it up again, and explain that you need their support, despite what they may think about the situation. If necessary, bring them to see your counsellor/doctor so they can see how much you are struggling.
Having done A levels, I can fully relate to how difficult they are. The amount of work and pressure is completely overwhelming, and it was the hardest two years of my life so far. This may sound completely and utterly crazy, but a friend of mine had a very difficult time during her A levels. She had mental health disorders and problems with her family, so decided to take a year out from college at the end of her AS exams. She got as much help as possible and gave herself time to recover, before starting again the following September. Would this be an option for you?
While I completely understand that your sister is trying to help, if your doctor has prescribed this medication (given how difficult you are finding life at the minute) I would really recommend taking it. If you are worried about the side effects, then go back to your doctor and discuss your options. Trying to "fight it yourself" sounds incredibly difficult; like telling someone with a broken arm to "get over it".
In terms of revision, I'm not sure how helpful I'll be but I'll try and offer a bit of advice. From the sounds of it, you attempt to revise but immediately feel like you won't/aren't getting enough done. It sounds as if from the moment you wake up, you feel that you won't finish anything. Try your hardest to work in the present; ask yourself to do one page of notes and if you manage to do that, then see it as an achievement. If setting a list of things to do stresses you (I know it always made me panic) then only do one thing at a time, and if you manage to do them be proud of yourself, because it is brilliant.
Good luck with everything!
Original post by swiggs98
Wow, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It sounds incredibly complex and difficult. Well done for managing get this far with such difficult A levels, and for getting an offer for medicine.
Firstly, your parents have reacted in an inappropriate way. Although talking to them didn't work last time, it sounds as if they were scared and unsure of how to react. Consider bringing it up again, and explain that you need their support, despite what they may think about the situation. If necessary, bring them to see your counsellor/doctor so they can see how much you are struggling.
Having done A levels, I can fully relate to how difficult they are. The amount of work and pressure is completely overwhelming, and it was the hardest two years of my life so far. This may sound completely and utterly crazy, but a friend of mine had a very difficult time during her A levels. She had mental health disorders and problems with her family, so decided to take a year out from college at the end of her AS exams. She got as much help as possible and gave herself time to recover, before starting again the following September. Would this be an option for you?
While I completely understand that your sister is trying to help, if your doctor has prescribed this medication (given how difficult you are finding life at the minute) I would really recommend taking it. If you are worried about the side effects, then go back to your doctor and discuss your options. Trying to "fight it yourself" sounds incredibly difficult; like telling someone with a broken arm to "get over it".
In terms of revision, I'm not sure how helpful I'll be but I'll try and offer a bit of advice. From the sounds of it, you attempt to revise but immediately feel like you won't/aren't getting enough done. It sounds as if from the moment you wake up, you feel that you won't finish anything. Try your hardest to work in the present; ask yourself to do one page of notes and if you manage to do that, then see it as an achievement. If setting a list of things to do stresses you (I know it always made me panic) then only do one thing at a time, and if you manage to do them be proud of yourself, because it is brilliant.
Good luck with everything!
Firstly, your parents have reacted in an inappropriate way. Although talking to them didn't work last time, it sounds as if they were scared and unsure of how to react. Consider bringing it up again, and explain that you need their support, despite what they may think about the situation. If necessary, bring them to see your counsellor/doctor so they can see how much you are struggling.
Having done A levels, I can fully relate to how difficult they are. The amount of work and pressure is completely overwhelming, and it was the hardest two years of my life so far. This may sound completely and utterly crazy, but a friend of mine had a very difficult time during her A levels. She had mental health disorders and problems with her family, so decided to take a year out from college at the end of her AS exams. She got as much help as possible and gave herself time to recover, before starting again the following September. Would this be an option for you?
While I completely understand that your sister is trying to help, if your doctor has prescribed this medication (given how difficult you are finding life at the minute) I would really recommend taking it. If you are worried about the side effects, then go back to your doctor and discuss your options. Trying to "fight it yourself" sounds incredibly difficult; like telling someone with a broken arm to "get over it".
In terms of revision, I'm not sure how helpful I'll be but I'll try and offer a bit of advice. From the sounds of it, you attempt to revise but immediately feel like you won't/aren't getting enough done. It sounds as if from the moment you wake up, you feel that you won't finish anything. Try your hardest to work in the present; ask yourself to do one page of notes and if you manage to do that, then see it as an achievement. If setting a list of things to do stresses you (I know it always made me panic) then only do one thing at a time, and if you manage to do them be proud of yourself, because it is brilliant.
Good luck with everything!
I only just saw this but thank you so much for taking the time to read through and reply to my thread! I actually tried to talk to my parents again but to no avail; I ended up getting the usual "it's always the same with you" argument etc so they're definitely not going to be helpful in this regard.
I have also already taken a year out; I tried to take these exams last year but couldn't finish the rest (I finished two subjects - I had a total of 6 A Levels) because I was doing just as badly (in terms of mental health). I thought taking a year out would help but living in the same house as my parents, who feel the need to control every aspect of my life as if they believe that if they don't then they are bad parents, wasn't helpful at all and I think I ended up much worse. So now I just really want to get rid of A Levels and just get to uni (which honestly seems impossible at this point
). I'm definitely going to give medication a try, I'm not doing well anyway and my doctor said that I'll start on a very very low dose to minimise any possible side effects as much as possible which is perfect.
The "not looking at all the things I have to do" definitely sounds like a good idea. I'm not getting things done anyway by continuously trying to make timetables/schedule my time to see if I'm going to finish on time. So yeah, my time anxiety/"is it good enough?" mentality really needs to go.
Thanks again
Small useless update: My parents keep asking me what I've finished studying so far and the reality is...around two small chapters over a whole week. I honesty wish the ground could eat me up so that I can hide under there forever. 
Original post by Anonymous
Small useless update: My parents keep asking me what I've finished studying so far and the reality is...around two small chapters over a whole week. I honesty wish the ground could eat me up so that I can hide under there forever.
hi i have social anxiety and am reading the boook "overcoming social anxiety" check it out on amazon
it really helps you approach it clearly, and gives good ideas
