No Friends In My Halls at University :(

I'm 18 and at uni in my first year living in halls, and basically although I got on well with my hallmates at the start, my relationship with them has now disintegrated to the point that I don't really talk to any of them anymore. I get the strong sense that they now don't like or care about me at all. I feel pretty lonely in halls needless to say, but this wouldn't be so bad if I had other people to go out and party with, but I don't. I have one mate in my halls who I get on really well with but he goes out with the others who I don't get on with so it might be kinda awkward for me. The other option for me is to go out with my best mate and his friends (who's from another halls). The trouble with this second option is that I've proposed this before and he seems kinda lukewarm on it and says that he doesn't want it to be awkward for me not knowing anyone, but I said it won't be when I'm drunk lol. So you can see my problem:
1. Do i go out with the people from my halls who i really don't care for that much just so I CAN GO OUT and don't have to sit in my room every evening?

2. Do I see if I can persuade my best mate to let me come to his halls on nights out? (This seems unlikely)

3. Do I go out on my own and chance on meeting other people I know and getting drunk enough that i wont even care (This does actually happen quite a bit)

4. Stop going out and sit in my room until the end of the year then hope that the next people I live with in halls i get on better with and then i can go out again next year (Not my preferred option at all, but I might be forced to depending on what goes down with the other options :frown:

)

Reply 1

Ashtwe

2

Original post by TheSatan

I'm 18 and at uni in my first year living in halls, and basically although I got on well with my hallmates at the start, my relationship with them has now disintegrated to the point that I don't really talk to any of them anymore. I get the strong sense that they now don't like or care about me at all. I feel pretty lonely in halls needless to say, but this wouldn't be so bad if I had other people to go out and party with, but I don't. I have one mate in my halls who I get on really well with but he goes out with the others who I don't get on with so it might be kinda awkward for me. The other option for me is to go out with my best mate and his friends (who's from another halls). The trouble with this second option is that I've proposed this before and he seems kinda lukewarm on it and says that he doesn't want it to be awkward for me not knowing anyone, but I said it won't be when I'm drunk lol. So you can see my problem:
1. Do i go out with the people from my halls who i really don't care for that much just so I CAN GO OUT and don't have to sit in my room every evening?

2. Do I see if I can persuade my best mate to let me come to his halls on nights out? (This seems unlikely)

3. Do I go out on my own and chance on meeting other people I know and getting drunk enough that i wont even care (This does actually happen quite a bit)

4. Stop going out and sit in my room until the end of the year then hope that the next people I live with in halls i get on better with and then i can go out again next year (Not my preferred option at all, but I might be forced to depending on what goes down with the other options :frown:

)

Go with option one. How do you know you don't care for them if you haven't actually spent time with them?? Some people just tend to look intimidating or appear to be something you don't like.
I know this. One of my closest friends now, I thought of as a snob and a show-off in 8th grade, but she's not. She just moved around with a set that was. She's really nice, and sh'es always been that way.
What I'm saying is, give it a go. At least you'll know you've tried it and it didn't work.
And don't worry. Sometimes it just takes time to settle down and know people :smile:

Reply 2

yabbayabba

17

Do 1 if you feel you can stand spending a night with your halls mates, if you don't want to don't bother, the fact you don't want to be there will show.

As for 2, is this guy really your best friend? If he was he'd invite you out with his other friends surely? He doesn't sound like a friend to me

Don't do 3. Those people you meet on nights like that, chances are you'll never speak to them again.

You could find new friends at home or in a society. Also, the academic year is winding down now, I wouldn't worry too much about trying to make friends this year. Try again next year.

Reply 3

username360639

14

Original post by TheSatan

I'm 18 and at uni in my first year living in halls, and basically although I got on well with my hallmates at the start, my relationship with them has now disintegrated to the point that I don't really talk to any of them anymore. I get the strong sense that they now don't like or care about me at all. I feel pretty lonely in halls needless to say, but this wouldn't be so bad if I had other people to go out and party with, but I don't. I have one mate in my halls who I get on really well with but he goes out with the others who I don't get on with so it might be kinda awkward for me. The other option for me is to go out with my best mate and his friends (who's from another halls). The trouble with this second option is that I've proposed this before and he seems kinda lukewarm on it and says that he doesn't want it to be awkward for me not knowing anyone, but I said it won't be when I'm drunk lol. So you can see my problem:
1. Do i go out with the people from my halls who i really don't care for that much just so I CAN GO OUT and don't have to sit in my room every evening?

2. Do I see if I can persuade my best mate to let me come to his halls on nights out? (This seems unlikely)

3. Do I go out on my own and chance on meeting other people I know and getting drunk enough that i wont even care (This does actually happen quite a bit)

4. Stop going out and sit in my room until the end of the year then hope that the next people I live with in halls i get on better with and then i can go out again next year (Not my preferred option at all, but I might be forced to depending on what goes down with the other options :frown:

)

Option 1 and 2 both seem viable.

Option 1 - Why do you feel that "they" don't like you? Have you done anything to upset them at all? If not, it's probably in your head. You said you get on with one flatmate, so literally hang with them and then when it's time to go out just go out with your flatmates, it won't seem that much awkward and who knows they'll probably end up opening up to you/liking you more (provided they don't like you for some mysterious reason)

Option 2- Sounds like your best mate is embarrassed by you (no offence)? The whole purpose of uni is to meet new people and literally tell him that and see what he says. If he just shrugs it off, there's something wrong then.

Best option is 1 imo. Try harder and go out. That way, if you still find your flatmates don't like you, you'll end up meeting more students and potential "party" mates for the next couple of years :biggrin:

Reply 4

TheSatan

OP

Original post by Loafing.Charizard

Option 1 and 2 both seem viable.

Option 1 - Why do you feel that "they" don't like you? Have you done anything to upset them at all? If not, it's probably in your head. You said you get on with one flatmate, so literally hang with them and then when it's time to go out just go out with your flatmates, it won't seem that much awkward and who knows they'll probably end up opening up to you/liking you more (provided they don't like you for some mysterious reason)

I don't know what it is that I've done, but they treat me a bit coldly when I try and chat to them, like me being there is a bit annoying. Some of them avoid eye contact with me as well :frown:

Reply 5

dewsbury2014

1

Hello...sorry to hear your situation...it might be useful to speak to someone...Im making a documentary about loneliness but in the first instance want to speak to people about the subject...to explore how it feels and why theres such stigma about just saying you feel a bit lonely.

IF that's of interest then message me and we can chat and I can explain more.

Thanks, Daniel Dewsbury.

No Friends In My Halls at University :(

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