'Bullying' by lecturer affecting my confidence

A bit of background: My uni allows second year students to sign up for third year classes as well, it's basically all about credits and as long as you've got enough and you are felt to be capable of doing the work then it's generally allowed. Last year (my second year) I signed up to take a third year class in the summer term that I was really, really looking forward to doing. It covered the area that I'm passionate about in detail and I was so excited about it. I went to see the head of department about it and he said it was fine, so I thought no more about it and just went along.

However, as soon as I started the class everything went wrong. Turns out that the teacher had put a block on second years in the class, but as I'd signed up so quickly I'd accidentally got through. The tutor was also annoyed that I hadn't asked her personal permission, but as I'd been to see the head of department and he hadn't said anything about it I honestly didn't know it was necessary. During the first class the tutor got incredibly angry because I was in the lesson, and basically nearly reduced me to tears, despite me trying to explain that I honestly hadn't known that there was going to be a problem. Eventually, because there were no other classes that I could take, I was allowed to stay but the tutor made it clear to me that I wasn't welcome.

At first I just thought 'well, I'll show her' and was determined to work hard so that she would see that I was able to do the class. The tutor seemed determined to make my life a misery though, ignoring me, giving me dirty looks and basically making my time in the class difficult. However, I just assumed that maybe I was being oversensitive, until other people in the class started to comment about what she was doing. I just gritted my teeth and stuck it, was early to every class and never missed a lesson, and basically tried not to give her any reason to dislike me. This went on for the whole term, and I can honestly say that I've never been so relieved for a class to be over. I know it probably doesn't sound like much but it really did get me down. I handed the assessment in and got a disappointing mark, despite literally spending twice the time on this essay. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but I *know* that I should have got a better mark - I've only once got less than a first in every class that I've taken, and comparing my work to my friends essays (who got much better marks) there honestly isn't any real difference ... However, as this mark won't affect my degree (much) I've tried to forget about it and move on, even though this tutor is still unpleasant to me every time she sees me, either glaring at me, deliberately ignoring me or treating me very rudely. Again, this isn't just me, as it's happened in front of my friends who were shocked at the way this tutor acted.

I know it sounds stupid, but this all affected my confidence to the degree that I'm now finding it hard to write essays, as I feel that whatever I do I'm not going to get marks that reflect the work I've put in. It's also made me more anxious in classes because I don't want to jeopardise my marks by saying or doing the wrong thing. I honestly don't know what I did to annoy or offend this tutor - I worked hard, did the readings, tried to contribute and really did try my best. After what happened, I feel like it's just not worth bothering anymore. I know it's stupid to get so worked up about just one class, but I just keep thinking that no matter how hard I work, if the tutor doesn't like me then my effort counts for nothing.

Sorry for the essay :frown:

I'm just feeling down about this at the moment, and could do with some suggestions on how to get my 'academic' confidence back.

Reply 20

moonkatt

19

Original post

by Elisap

Sounds like a narcissist. Don't let it mess with you. Look for the motive behind the behaviour and you see what is really going on. She sounds as though she is extremely controlling and has inferiority issues. Nothing to do with you. As for dealing with this, head over to a site called excelatlife and read about how to handle passive aggressive people. It is super smart! Basically you need to manoeuvre them so that they drop the passive part of their aggression and either own up to their hostility (which they try to avoid) or they will drop it. In this scenario, you were clearly not to blame and she should not take it out on you. ...maybe you were a pawn, and it is really the management she is angry at. Maybe they deliberately did not make some procedure - in order to stop 1st years entering- and she guesses this but takes it out on you because she can't take it out on a superior.

I'm hoping that the op has sorted out their issues by now, considering they posted this thread 11 years ago

Reply 21

ANM775

20

Original post

by Elisap

Sounds like a narcissist. Don't let it mess with you. Look for the motive behind the behaviour and you see what is really going on. She sounds as though she is extremely controlling and has inferiority issues. Nothing to do with you. As for dealing with this, head over to a site called excelatlife and read about how to handle passive aggressive people. It is super smart! Basically you need to manoeuvre them so that they drop the passive part of their aggression and either own up to their hostility (which they try to avoid) or they will drop it. In this scenario, you were clearly not to blame and she should not take it out on you. ...maybe you were a pawn, and it is really the management she is angry at. Maybe they deliberately did not make some procedure - in order to stop 1st years entering- and she guesses this but takes it out on you because she can't take it out on a superior.

thread is 11 yrs old.......

Reply 22

Sockittoem

1

So sorry to hear this. I had a very similar thing happen to me when studying counselling in York. Another student got similar treatment. I used the local council’s complaints system as the learning authority just ignored my complaints, the whistleblowers policy and the FOI was also good to build a case against these tutors. Don’t let them get away with it, it gets worse, ruins your enjoyment of the learning experience and spoils things for you. I left a course after 4 years with only 5 weeks to go because I was treated so badly and ended up feeling so low and I knew how to deal with things as s counsellor in training. These people are abusing their position of trust and colleges and universities need to wake up and sack them. See your student Union - others will have made complaints more than likely.

Reply 23

Millie12xx

1

hey this once happened to me before and it really effected me I complained to the college and said look what wasn’t right. My mum had to go in and tell them how she treat me so wrong and after everything I had been through she still tried failing me really knocked my confidence down and I haven’t been through so much stress in my life it’s not good at all it’s really sad.

Reply 24

Boccolo

1

She sounds like a complete b1tch. I wouldn't let one person impact you like that. If there is one thing you should learn, it's that there are stupid, evil and selfish people from all walks of life. You happen to encountered one here. Look at the situation objectively, you got to your lessons on time, you worked hard, you did not offend or insult her, so what reason could she have to hate you? If she has one, it's certainly not rational and her psychotic problems are hers to deal with, not yours.There is a saying

'Bullying' by lecturer affecting my confidence

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