How to be a serious and understanding boyfriend?

If your girlfriend tells you to be more understanding, what does this entail? How can one show that you care about and understand her? Because I try to do this but apparently I am not good enough at showing it.

I has also been said that I am never serious. What does she want - a humorless bore? Eh?

Well if any of youse could give me some advice I'd be much obliged.

Reply 1

Eblis_O'_Shaughnessy

What does she want you to understand? Her feelings? Why Jo Brand is "funny"? Quantum physics?

Reply 2

The Guru

Quantum physics is a piece of ssip compared to what a woman wants and tells you she wants lol :eek:

Shock horror, going to get some bad comments now :s-smilie:

Reply 3

Tag

By understand her she probably just wants you to listen to her.

Boys always seem to think they listen, but what they don't understand is that listening requires hearing what the other person says and actually taking it on board.

Reply 4

Slow Gold

Eblis_O'_Shaughnessy

What does she want you to understand? Her feelings? Why Jo Brand is "funny"? Quantum physics?

That would be funny. Quantum physics.

To OP: just understand how she feels and don't talk only about yourself.

Reply 5

person 34

Well basically that is a posh way of being told you're immature, and you would probably benefit more from going out with a chimp.

But, there are ways of rectifying the problem.

Don't ask me them though, because I don't know.

Reply 6

gbduo

SO you got to understand women and quantum physics...bad luck dude!

Good luck in your quest, go forth and conquer!

Graham

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

I know she wants me to behave like I care about her and I do care, but what actions can I take to prove it to her?

Reply 8

Tag

Well is there a particular example? e.g. if she was trying to tell her something upset her, and you just blew it off as her being moody or something.made a joke out of it, when she wanted you to take her seriously? I find guys do that when they don't know what they should do or feel unconfortable.

Reply 9

Jennybean

I have the answer! Or at least Deborah Tannen does. She proposed a series of linguistic theories concerning how men and women communicate, and the gist of it is that men deal with facts and concrete objects while women talk about emotions and feelings. It sounds complicated but it's really not.

For example: take a scenario where a woman feels ill. She tells her partner this and when he hands her some painkillers and calls the doctor out, she complains that he is not being very understanding, when all he has tried to do is help. The answer? All she wanted was a hug.

Men always look for ways to solve problems, whereas if you listen to women talking about their personal issues, the air is filled with "mmm"s and "aah"s and nodding and overlapping each other's conversation with "yeah"s and the like. On the rare occasions men open up to each other, they all interrupt each other and tell their friends exactly where they're going wrong and they all want practical advice. So it's no wonder the sexes get frustrated when talking to each other.

What your girlfriend wants is for you to show her you're listening by reacting in the way another girl would, not how a bloke would. If you are prone to saying things like "Well what you need to do is this..." when she talks to you about her problems, bite your tongue (not literally) and instead try something like "That must feel horrible." And if she wants you to be more serious, take a look at how you react when she tells you something intensely personal that makes you feel uncomfortable. If your natural instinct is to "lighten the mood" with a silly joke, stop yourself as this makes her feel you aren't taking her seriously. Try putting your arms round her instead so that you are looking over her shoulder rather than into her face and wait til you feel less awkward/have thought of something suitably sensitive to say.

Alternatively, none of that may be relevant to you and you could just try the old classics like flowers, cooking for her, massaging her feet, surprising her with ridiculous fluffy toys etc.

Reply 10

~Sam~

Jennybean

For example: take a scenario where a woman feels ill. She tells her partner this and when he hands her some painkillers and calls the doctor out, she complains that he is not being very understanding, when all he has tried to do is help. The answer? All she wanted was a hug.

Lol that is so true

Reply 11

Jennybean

Quick offtopic post to whoever repped me (thanks btw):
Yes I have read "Men are from Mars..." and although it's based on a sound idea, as a rampaging feminist I really take issue with the sexist overtones laced throughout. But I am very boring and pedantic and thanks to English A Level am sickeningly analytical of everything I read.