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why does this happen? am i being too nice?

im always up for making more friends and meeting people, at school im always approching people and asking them how they are and asking them what theyve been up to etc but i have no one approching me. its always me making the effort. i feel like a worthless person that no one wants to get to know. i have mates and i love them but i want to get to know more people, and seem friendly and approchable. but no one seems to want to get to know me :frown:

im sick of it always being me approching people and getting nothing in return :frown:

sometimes people just give a half hearted answer back and make it look like they dont want to give an answer back like im asking too much like. its people that are in my classes btw. not random people
me: how are you doing'?
person:fine (in a really strained bored voice'

they dont even ask me how i am? is this asking too much?

Reply 1

*pink_sapphires*

1

i have this same problem. i'm starting to give up making new friends and am paying more attention to the group of friends who like and accept me for who i am. i think it's better to have a small group of close friends who are there to support you through everything than have lots of friends who you aren't as close to. some people say i have this problem because im mature for my age. im not sure i agree, but that may be a reason :redface:

Reply 2

username47781

20

Charlotte7290

i have this same problem. i'm starting to give up making new friends and am paying more attention to the group of friends who like and accept me for who i am. i think it's better to have a small group of close friends who are there to support you through everything than have lots of friends who you aren't as close to. some people say i have this problem because im mature for my age. im not sure i agree, but that may be a reason :redface:

I Agree with that.

Reply 3

anjurdsg

11

Anonymous

im always up for making more friends and meeting people, at school im always approching people and asking them how they are and asking them what theyve been up to etc but i have no one approching me. its always me making the effort. i feel like a worthless person that no one wants to get to know. i have mates and i love them but i want to get to know more people, and seem friendly and approchable. but no one seems to want to get to know me :frown:

im sick of it always being me approching people and getting nothing in return :frown:

sometimes people just give a half hearted answer back and make it look like they dont want to give an answer back like im asking too much like. its people that are in my classes btw. not random people
me: how are you doing'?
person:fine (in a really strained bored voice'

they dont even ask me how i am? is this asking too much?

what you're doing is fine. the only problem is HOW you do it.

most of the communication we do is through body language and voice tone. very little is through words.

maybe you look like a desperate weirdo when talking to people? :dontknow:

here's a little exercie. i know it will sound silly, but wouldnt hurt to try in your room.

what i want you to do is stand in front of the mirror. close your eyes. imagine that you are standing in front of a person that you are talking to. then open your eyes and act it out, how you would do exactly in school.

watch yourself. do you look weird? do you smile too much? do you smile too little? do you stand on one leg more than other? do you slouch when you talk to people? watch all the details.

then, try changing these things gradually. stand more upright and tall. have a faint smile on your face, not too much. stand on BOTH your feet. lol.

and as you do these, what i want you also to do is give 'names' for all the poses you do in front of the mirror. like for example, for one pose, you might call it 'jackass', or another pose that you really like you might call it 'confident man'.

and then go ahead and use them in the real world.

another good advice, also, is to make smaller group of close friends, as someone else mentioned earlier. thats what i do.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

maybe i smile too much.... i am a very bubbly outgoing person, im always laughing and smiling. its in my nature to smile. but when i think about it, my friends say i smile too much...but still i feel bad :s-smilie:

like no one wants to get to know me. i feel like i shouldnt bother anymore like all the people are just ignorant? am i being too harsh for thinking that?

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

do you think i should stop trying?

Reply 6

FoeGeddaBowDeet

nooooooooo, keep going.
I wish there were more people like you in my college :smile:

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

aww what you said was sweet. :biggrin:

but seriously i feel really worthless like no one wants to get to know me :s-smilie:

Reply 8

FoeGeddaBowDeet

if they're being hostile, it's not your fault, it's theirs.
at my sixth form school there are about 100 people all in their own groups and no one's friendly or really wants to mix with the exception of like 1 person. :frown:

Anyway, if you keep on going eventually you'll probably find some really great nice poeple or these people will become more open to you. This is definately a good quality, not one you should be looking to stop. :smile:

Reply 9

The Guru

Hello

Smiling is such a good and infectious thing why on earth would someone tell you to stop doing it? Don't stop being who you are because from the sounds of it you're doing nothing wrong.

Have you ever seen a film about Patch Addams? About a doctor who cures people's illnesses by smiling, joking and being bubbly. :smile:

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

okies thank you. ill keep on trying. but still i do feel bad inside

Reply 11

Toy Soldier

3

Are you ugly?

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

yes i have seen patch adams. loved it!

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

no i dont think im ugly..im decent looking

Reply 14

Toy Soldier

3

Anonymous

no i dont think im ugly..im decent looking

Are you really annoying and / or boring?

Reply 15

FoeGeddaBowDeet

post a pic lol

Reply 16

Rattata

I dont have this problem so... anyway... talk to the right ppl or your wasting your time.

Reply 17

Bedshaped

14

I dont think you being ugly will matter. I'm friends with plenty of "ugly girls".

And I know plenty of friendly girls who are just plain annoying.

I'm not sure but it could be your voice...I'm telling you theirs this girl at my school and whenever she speaks you just wanna punch her. First time I met her she said "hey...OMG YOUR SOOOO TALL" and I just felt like punching her. She was so damn annoying, I try and avoid her and even skip my extra maths classes I need to pass as-levels just to stay away from her.

So yeah...ask someone if they think your voice is annoying.

Reply 18

fat_hobbit

2

Anonymous

im always up for making more friends and meeting people, at school im always approching people and asking them how they are and asking them what theyve been up to etc but i have no one approching me. its always me making the effort. i feel like a worthless person that no one wants to get to know. i have mates and i love them but i want to get to know more people, and seem friendly and approchable. but no one seems to want to get to know me :frown:

im sick of it always being me approching people and getting nothing in return :frown:

sometimes people just give a half hearted answer back and make it look like they dont want to give an answer back like im asking too much like. its people that are in my classes btw. not random people
me: how are you doing'?
person:fine (in a really strained bored voice'

they dont even ask me how i am? is this asking too much?

Ok.

What you are doing is fine - as in approaching people. The problem is most likely to be with them, rather then you. What I find that always does the trick is having a good sense of humour (being funny is invaluable), and basically asking the next person about themselves - which I am aware that you already do. That way they will open up, and especially cupped with a good sense of humour they will 'like' to talk to you. Obviously, if you ask very mundane questions - I mean very very boring questions, you are going to get very dire responses...

What sex are you? male or female? Another thing that I normally do, is that I always always make friends with individuals of the same sex as me to begin with, as IT is much easier then making mates with someone of the opposite sex. Then eventually, as your friendship develops with them, you will get to know more of your other classmates through them. As they will introduce you to them, providing that they already know them.

What is your social life like outside of academia? By going out to parties etc and meeting your classmates outside of class will help. As, that way they will see a different side to you - one away from the classroom.

As for those people that are just not responsive; forget them, they are not worth getting to know - see it as their loss not yours...

Lastly, be yourself. Play it cool, act like you don't care that this is bothering you and that you couldn't care less if they don't want to be your mate. Body language counts a lot for how people percieve you. If you come across as quite desperate to make friends, then people will catch on through your body language and think less of you. If you don't then people will get quite intrigued by you and wonder who the hell you are. That is what I have found anyway.

Reply 19

Profesh

20

Oh. A 'friend collector'. How desultory.

I typically respond to such people in a manner so cryptic as to deter them from ever speaking to me again; a test, if you will. Only those that persist can expect to be acquainted with me on meaningful, reciprocal terms.

why does this happen? am i being too nice?

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