Did I cheat? Watch
Anyway, as you may have guessed, this happened after a heavy night of drinking, which my girlfriend wasn't around for. I was with a group of people including a female friend, who I was very close with but definitely no more than friends. We were both far too drunk and my friend offered her to crash at ours as she was too drunk to get home. I remember speaking to her after my friend went to bed, and next thing I remember is she's kissing me, and climbing on top of me and trying to undress. I tell her I have a girlfriend and can't do this, but I know I should have been much more forceful and thrown her off. But she's my friend, and I want her to understand.
I woke up in my own room after leaving her, telling her I can't do it. But woke up with her next to me, as she said she came to see me after I went to bed, but I must have been blacked out by this point.
Now I was mortified, I told her she had to leave and immediately rang my girlfriend to confess. The girl said that we hadn't slept together, and I remember saying that I can't be with her and leaving the room. So I told my girlfriend that she kissed me, and I didn't want it to happen, and I swear I would never make a mistake like this again. She forgave me because she's amazing, but now I just keep thinking and trying to remember the night. Something doesn't add up to me because I know my friend isn't that sort of person. And I have a horrible feeling of dread that I wasn't completely innocent. I hate cheating, and despise any one who would. Especially if they have something as special as me and my girlfriend.
Should I talk to my girlfriend about it? What if it was my fault and I gave the girl a reason to come on to me? I know I didn't leave straight away, and wish I had just got angry at her, but what if I had stayed longer that I thought? What if I had kissed her back? Does this make me a cheat?
I never want to lose my girlfriend. There is really nobody better for me and frankly I have no idea why I would every want anybody else. To even entertain the thought is so out of character for me, but I really was the most drunk I have ever been. And while this is no excuse its raising some serious doubts and causing insane guilt.
Any advice would be wicked.
The thing I'm having trouble moving past at the moment, which I really should have made clear, is that I'm not sure that the facts I gave my girlfriend were 100% accurate. I mean, put simply, there was kissing, I told her I had a girlfriend, I left.
But the more I try and remember I can't shake the feeling I was there for longer, or that it was my fault, or I kissed her back. Should I try and tell GF new details I think may have happened? Or should I be thankful she forgave me and leave it there as you say. I really don't want to cause any pain to my girlfriend by bringing it up with more information whenever I remember something, especially as she found it quite upsetting that I was in that state, but at the same time I don't want to keep anything from her.