Seeing two people...

Hiya, Am just after a bit of advice really... I've been seeing a girl for two years (I'm a girl too) and I've always thought of myself as bisexual. For the last year I have been sleeping with a guy that I work with behind her back... recently though things became more serious and intimate between me and this guy. However, I didn't think there was any serious possibility of a relationship between us because he has been seeing another girl on/off for about two years as well.

About a month ago I started uni and I started seeing the guy more and more, my feelings really grew for him and I knew that I had to stop seeing my girlfriend. I split up with her without telling her that I had cheated on her but when I told the guy that I had ended it he didn't really seem bothered and I panicked because really I knew that I had split up with her for him. About a week passed and I got really lonely and stupidly began seeing my girlfriend again. When I slept with the guy again after this I told him that I was back together with my girlfriend and he was really upset with me.

Well anyway three weeks have now passed and I hadnt heard from him again... until today. He texted me some really suggestive texts in the morning, and I texted back. This afternoon I texted him asking if he wanted to see me this week and he told me that he didn't want to see me because I hurt him by getting back together with my girlfriend... and now he is seeing his on/off girlfriend more seriously and has asked her to move in with him.

He told me that he always had feelings for me and that I was the one that pushed him away. I know that he doesn't love his girlfriend because he has been so on/off with her and he only started seeing her again when he thought that I wasn't available. I would split up with my girlfriend for him anytime and I have now told him this, I just wish I had told him earlier. I am not sure whether he will actually move in with his girlfriend, should I talk to him? I have really fallen for him but the situation always seems to get in our way... I think it could be really good between us but have i left it too long?

Please don't judge, I know I have got myself into a mess and I know its my fault... but i just need some impartial advice.

Thanks xxxx

Reply 1

username47781

Well i would not bother with this guy, but i think you do need to sort yourself out and decide what you really want, because it is still cheating what you did.
The way i see it is you'll probably better off out of a relationship for a while. But you can't have two at once you must decide.

Reply 2

welshandy

have a breather for a few weeks..... it will give you time for some real perspective..... and if either of them arent willing to give you that time.. then neither are worth it

Reply 3

Phantom Phoenix

I can't quite get my head around your post...let me see if I've got it:

- You started dated a girl
- You met a guy and started cheating on your girlfriend with him. He is also cheating on his girlfriend
- You (rightly, I suppose, though it was a long time in coming) finally dumped your girlfriend because you had strong feelings for the guy
- He didn't seem interested in having a proper relationship, so you promptly went back to your girlfriend because it was the easy option
- You've carried on sleeping with and flirting with the guy, you even say you'd dump your girlfriend for him, so you're essentially going to carry on doing what you've been doing for a year now; i.e. stay with your girlfriend because it's comfortable and familiar, while remaining emotionally attached to this guy, who will take the opportunity to sleep with you whenever possible.

I'm sorry if I'm overreacting, but as someone who's been on your girlfriend's end of things before, I'm finding it incredibly difficult to feel sorry for either you or the guy (I mean, a one-off incident would almost be excusable, but this went on for a YEAR - did you never get a single flicker of guilt?). Obviously he isn't here for advice, but what I would suggest to you is to be honest with your girlfriend, tell her you don't feel the same way about her any more and finish things with her. Then never see the guy again because he's clearly happy to use you for sex while maintaining a relationship with his girlfriend.

Once you've cut your ties with both of them, start with a clean slate and try not to cheat again.

Reply 4

*Katie*

BREAK UP WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND
She needs someone who appreciates and respects her.

Reply 5

floss

your girlfriend does not deserve to be treated the way you have treated her. she has alwas been there for you and then you treat her like that.. if it were a guy treating a girl like that we'd all be down his neck for it..

you need some you time to sort yourself out and decide what you want. just because you are bi doesn't mean you can have a guy and a girl at the same time.. it's not fair on either of them.

Reply 6

Vincent-Valentine

'Cheaters never prosper'

This is what you get. You can't even make up your mind and stay with one person. If you don't have one, you want the other. When you have the other, you want the first person.

Make up your mind or stay faithful and you might have more than just two people interested in you...hussy :p:

Reply 7

rosetinted

It's people like you who help fuel this stereotype of bisexual people being greedy. You've treated your 'girlfriend' terribly. Cheating on her, dumping her and then getting back together cos you got lonely and missed the attention. Have you thought about the damage you must be doing to her? You need to stop messing with her feelings and end it once and for all, regardless of whether you and this guy do or don't get together. You're just using her so that you don't have to spend a single second alone.

I get really fed up with people who relationship hop, cheat and generally screw people over and then come whining on here. Spend some time on your own. Being single isn't such a bad thing, but yes it does involve you standing on your own 2 feet, being independant and being alone for a while. It sounds like you really need this.

As for this guy..the thing sounds doomed to fail. You're both serial cheaters and very dishonest..doesn't sound like a great match to me. Plus he already has someone. Leave him alone and stop emotionally blackmailing him and see what he choses to do. It's my personal opinion that you should make a clean break from him as well and spend some time by yourself.

Reply 8

zav

Break up with your girlfriend first and stop sleeping with her as you don't respect her or really want to be with her. If you like her at all you would do this for her benefit, make it the first good thing you do.

Then i suggest that you go out and try and find somebody else who is single. I know you like this guy but he does not seem to want to be with you in the same way.

I know you asked for us not to judge but you need to know really what you have done is terrible not just wrong. Over a year of cheating and lying is something that you need to get out of. Start all over again and put this behind you.