My Boyfriend said he feels numb recently what should I do?

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grace6878
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Killer Bean
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(Original post by grace6878)
I have been with my boyfriend for two years but the other month he told me he felt numb and hes been quite cold. I know its nothing like hes cheated on me and he says I haven't done anything wrong its just him that's changed and the way he feels about us makes him sad because he just wants us to be happy. But I try to make him feel different but its so difficult. I feel purely like an option: if he decides he loves me enough he will stay and if he cant stop feeling 'numb' then its over. Its affecting my mental health and study's because i'm always upset and depressed because I love him so much. Is he head ****ing me? does he even still want to be with me? What should I do?
Not much we can figure out about this guy based on what you've written. Is he feeling numb in general, or just about you? It could be anhedonia - which certainly is not your fault. If that's the case then it will eventually pass, but he might want to consider seeing a GP.
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grace6878
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He said he feels like he's changing and feels numb in general but then I don't know why. But he always says he's going through alot of change like a phase at the minute and me and him will get better, he's got bad anxiety problems which recently have got worse and I don't know if this is part of it even though I've tried to help him with it and stuck by him.
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BB1523
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(Original post by grace6878)
He said he feels like he's changing and feels numb in general but then I don't know why. But he always says he's going through alot of change like a phase at the minute and me and him will get better, he's got bad anxiety problems which recently have got worse and I don't know if this is part of it even though I've tried to help him with it and stuck by him.
Why "numb" though? That sounds serious...

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LeFrenchFrog
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(Original post by grace6878)
I have been with my boyfriend for two years but the other month he told me he felt numb and hes been quite cold. I know its nothing like hes cheated on me and he says I haven't done anything wrong its just him that's changed and the way he feels about us makes him sad because he just wants us to be happy. But I try to make him feel different but its so difficult. I feel purely like an option: if he decides he loves me enough he will stay and if he cant stop feeling 'numb' then its over. Its affecting my mental health and study's because i'm always upset and depressed because I love him so much. Is he head ****ing me? does he even still want to be with me? What should I do?
Not much detail there, but all I can say if there's been a significant change in relationship routine, something's up and it ain't good.
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grace6878
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I don't know I can't get through to him... He wants us to be happy. He said he still lives me. But he dosent get upset about much and nothing really bothers him that might cause upset in others but he does get angry at times. So maybe his description of numb is not accurate
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Jammy Duel
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Given you have given little detail, as others have said, there is limited advice we can give, but given the anxiety problems, and I imagine there are other things too, to me there are two things you can do:
1) try to help him with the anxiety issues (and others if they exist), which may help; and I'm, inclined to say
2) if it persists, try to persuade him to seek professional help, the NHS is there to serve YOU and keep YOU healthy (not just the NHS, obviously there will be people at college/university or wherever)

Based on your last comment, and based on personal experience, does he drink much? And if so has it recently increased, because personally when I drink excessively my emotions, namely anger and depression, get a bit out of control. As for the upset bit, is the "that might cause upset to others" have the "others" as Male or Female, because you have to remember that males and females are pretty different emotionally.
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BB1523
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(Original post by grace6878)
I don't know I can't get through to him... He wants us to be happy. He said he still lives me. But he dosent get upset about much and nothing really bothers him that might cause upset in others but he does get angry at times. So maybe his description of numb is not accurate
That seems irrational that he is feeling numb...does that scare you?
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grace6878
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What more would you like to know? He's a closed book. He dosent even tell me general things about his day anymore.and yes It scares the hell out of me. I care so much about him and I know he's impressionable and weak minded because he's always been easily influenced by the wrong people. But recently he's changed he's a different person.
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(Original post by grace6878)
What more would you like to know? He's a closed book. He dosent even tell me general things about his day anymore.and yes It scares the hell out of me. I care so much about him and I know he's impressionable and weak minded because he's always been easily influenced by the wrong people. But recently he's changed he's a different person.
Just force him to tell you what's up... I mean that doesnt seem right to me, just tell him that being "numb" isn't right..
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grace6878
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He has a bad trait of craving ****, weed, and drinking and it's alway there no matter how much he dosent want to do them he still does. And as for the what upsets males and females is different I agree. But if he loves me and cares about me and wants this to work like before then why I'd he so cold and detached when I try to resolve the issue. Why does he seem to show no emotions just bleak, vague answers to my questions.
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grace6878
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I spoken to him tonight while he's been drunk and he seems more vulnerable to tell me whats wrong and he said tomorrow he's going to tell me everything...
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Jammy Duel
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(Original post by grace6878)
He has a bad trait of craving ****, weed, and drinking and it's alway there no matter how much he dosent want to do them he still does.
Any changes leading up to and since the "numbness"

And as for the what upsets males and females is different I agree. But if he loves me and cares about me and wants this to work like before then why I'd he so cold and detached when I try to resolve the issue. Why does he seem to show no emotions just bleak, vague answers to my questions.
To answer in one word: Male.
If I'm going to be totally honest, I doubt that anybody here would be able to tell you why, there are a lot of possible reasons, the assorted drugs mentioned might​ be part of it, hence why I asked.

Given your drunk comment, try to keep him sober for a bit and see what happens, keeping sober for a bit has helped me with various problems in the past. And by sober I don't mean no alcohol, I mean keep it limited, either the same amount spread over a muich greater time period or, preferably, just less.
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grace6878
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I guess I'm just looking for some support or guidance I'm lost with this whole situation and relationship it's all ****ed
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Jammy Duel
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Trying to reduce alcohol consumption is DEFINITELY a good idea, and not just because it's a depressant but because it might keep him calmer, and should keep him more open to reasoned discussion. Depending on how much control you have over him, you should be able to keep him from drinking entirely and after a few days he may thank you for it
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grace6878
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I've tried to keep him from all these bad things that are ****ing him up and making his anxiety and temper bad but he's not bothered about what I say I could get on my hands and knees and beg but it wouldn't make no difference unless I probably left him which I don't want to do. He won't listen to me I'm younger then him and so I think he thinks I'm naive and stupid but I can see what's happening to him and he even knows himself that the these factors contribute to his Anxiety getting worse. Sometimes he says things like I'm gonna stop smoking and drinking and then a week later it's back to square one. and if I try to stop him he tells me I'm to controlling and possessive but I'm looking put for his best interests
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Jammy Duel
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(Original post by grace6878)
I've tried to keep him from all these bad things that are ****ing him up and making his anxiety and temper bad but he's not bothered about what I say I could get on my hands and knees and beg but it wouldn't make no difference unless I probably left him which I don't want to do. He won't listen to me I'm younger then him and so I think he thinks I'm naive and stupid but I can see what's happening to him and he even knows himself that the these factors contribute to his Anxiety getting worse. Sometimes he says things like I'm gonna stop smoking and drinking and then a week later it's back to square one. and if I try to stop him he tells me I'm to controlling and possessive but I'm looking put for his best interests
Then threaten to, and try to at least act like you mean it
Otherwise, has he tried AA and similar, or professional help of any kind? And on the smoking side the various products available that at least claim to help quit?
Perhaps some form of positive reinforcement
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Doctor_Einstein
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(Original post by grace6878)
I have been with my boyfriend for two years but the other month he told me he felt numb and hes been quite cold. I know its nothing like hes cheated on me and he says I haven't done anything wrong its just him that's changed and the way he feels about us makes him sad because he just wants us to be happy. But I try to make him feel different but its so difficult. I feel purely like an option: if he decides he loves me enough he will stay and if he cant stop feeling 'numb' then its over. Its affecting my mental health and study's because i'm always upset and depressed because I love him so much. Is he head ****ing me? does he even still want to be with me? What should I do?
You should probably break up with him. A lively, outgoing and happy boyfriend is far more fun to be around than a numb one. Goodluck.
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Aly4
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Hey, I wanted to know what did you end up doing. Did you break up with him or did he stop being numb and realise.
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