Go to first unread
Back
to top
Girlfriend turned Christian 2 years ago - Don't think I can cope anymore
Watch
Announcements
We have been together for 3 years, she had never had a relationship before, and I had only had these little school 'girlfriends' so I don't think they count.
When we started dating we took things slow, everything was new to her so I didn't want to pressure her, sex wasn't that big a deal we got along and were happy.
After being together for a year she tells me she is becoming Christian, which in short means No sex before marriage, no living together before marriage, not even sleeping in the same room before marriage.
At the start we were happy. I decided to support her because she made me happy. About a year ago she asked me if I wanted to be Christian, it would mean a lot to her if I was. But to be honest I am much more of an atheist if I had to choose, I told her and she was disappointed but accepted it.
There a a couple of questions I want to know:
I can't help but feel all these rules that aren't even my religion are going to cause so many problems, I feel like I need something more than a peck on the cheek to feel intimate. Is that bad?
Do you think she is only staying with me because she hasn't had a boyfriend before, so she is holding on no matter what?
When we started dating we took things slow, everything was new to her so I didn't want to pressure her, sex wasn't that big a deal we got along and were happy.
After being together for a year she tells me she is becoming Christian, which in short means No sex before marriage, no living together before marriage, not even sleeping in the same room before marriage.
At the start we were happy. I decided to support her because she made me happy. About a year ago she asked me if I wanted to be Christian, it would mean a lot to her if I was. But to be honest I am much more of an atheist if I had to choose, I told her and she was disappointed but accepted it.
There a a couple of questions I want to know:
I can't help but feel all these rules that aren't even my religion are going to cause so many problems, I feel like I need something more than a peck on the cheek to feel intimate. Is that bad?
Do you think she is only staying with me because she hasn't had a boyfriend before, so she is holding on no matter what?
0
reply
Report
#2
You're the only one who can answer your question since you should know your girlfriend.
Have a chat with her. Tell her how you feel. Ask what does she want out of your relationship.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Have a chat with her. Tell her how you feel. Ask what does she want out of your relationship.
Posted from TSR Mobile
2
reply
Report
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
There a a couple of questions I want to know:
I can't help but feel all these rules that aren't even my religion are going to cause so many problems, I feel like I need something more than a peck on the cheek to feel intimate. Is that bad?
Do you think she is only staying with me because she hasn't had a boyfriend before, so she is holding on no matter what?
There a a couple of questions I want to know:
I can't help but feel all these rules that aren't even my religion are going to cause so many problems, I feel like I need something more than a peck on the cheek to feel intimate. Is that bad?
Do you think she is only staying with me because she hasn't had a boyfriend before, so she is holding on no matter what?
And yes, she probably is holding on no matter what.
You should have a talk with her to see how you both can get something out of this relationship.
0
reply
That's the thing though, I'm afraid of asking her.
She has anxiety issues. I don't want to ask her, which will cause the relationship to break down and then she can't do her exams because she has anxiety and no one to talk to.
I would rather suffer than do that to her. But I don't feel like I want this relationship anymore
She has anxiety issues. I don't want to ask her, which will cause the relationship to break down and then she can't do her exams because she has anxiety and no one to talk to.
I would rather suffer than do that to her. But I don't feel like I want this relationship anymore
0
reply
Report
#5
If you like her why not be Christian? You do realise it is as much cultural as it is rational or political, or anything of the sort, you just go to church with her every once and a while or what not and some other smaller stuff lol
There's actually Christian atheism.
There's actually Christian atheism.
1
reply
Report
#6
At some point you're going to either:
1. Ask her about this relationship
2. Break up with her.
3. Get married, have children and grow old together
Okay... then maybe you could talk to her after her exams?
1. Ask her about this relationship
2. Break up with her.
3. Get married, have children and grow old together
Okay... then maybe you could talk to her after her exams?
1
reply
Report
#7
Being a Christian myself, I find her way too oppressive and what not. I don't really get such a swift change in beliefs (no Christian I know really adheres to no-sex before marriage).
Sounds like it's the time to call it a day mate.
Sounds like it's the time to call it a day mate.
0
reply
Report
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
That's the thing though, I'm afraid of asking her.
She has anxiety issues. I don't want to ask her, which will cause the relationship to break down and then she can't do her exams because she has anxiety and no one to talk to.
I would rather suffer than do that to her. But I don't feel like I want this relationship anymore
That's the thing though, I'm afraid of asking her.
She has anxiety issues. I don't want to ask her, which will cause the relationship to break down and then she can't do her exams because she has anxiety and no one to talk to.
I would rather suffer than do that to her. But I don't feel like I want this relationship anymore
She might well want to hold on to you, because finding guys who will wait until marriage for any intimacy is very difficult.
As an atheist, I don't think I could be happy in a relationship based on Christian values, and it doesn't sound like you can either.
0
reply
Report
#9
(Original post by *Stefan*)
Being a Christian myself, I find her way too oppressive and what not. I don't really get such a swift change in beliefs (no Christian I know really adheres to no-sex before marriage).
Sounds like it's the time to call it a day mate.
Being a Christian myself, I find her way too oppressive and what not. I don't really get such a swift change in beliefs (no Christian I know really adheres to no-sex before marriage).
Sounds like it's the time to call it a day mate.
0
reply
Report
#10
(Original post by whorace)
If you like her why not be Christian? You do realise it is as much cultural as it is rational or political, or anything of the sort, you just go to church with her every once and a while or what not and some other smaller stuff lol
There's actually Christian atheism.
If you like her why not be Christian? You do realise it is as much cultural as it is rational or political, or anything of the sort, you just go to church with her every once and a while or what not and some other smaller stuff lol
There's actually Christian atheism.
(Original post by *Stefan*)
Being a Christian myself, I find her way too oppressive and what not. I don't really get such a swift change in beliefs (no Christian I know really adheres to no-sex before marriage).
Sounds like it's the time to call it a day mate.
Being a Christian myself, I find her way too oppressive and what not. I don't really get such a swift change in beliefs (no Christian I know really adheres to no-sex before marriage).
Sounds like it's the time to call it a day mate.
0
reply
Report
#11
(Original post by Mankytoes)
Maybe because his beliefs are as important and valid as hers?
The converts are always the most fundamentalist.
Maybe because his beliefs are as important and valid as hers?
The converts are always the most fundamentalist.
0
reply
Report
#12
(Original post by whorace)
Of course they are as important as hers, however as you have said they are quite clearly inconsistent, they either need to compromise (one of them accept the other) or break. Becoming a moderate Christian isn't too much a bad deal if he likes her. Besides itll get better if he marries her right?
Of course they are as important as hers, however as you have said they are quite clearly inconsistent, they either need to compromise (one of them accept the other) or break. Becoming a moderate Christian isn't too much a bad deal if he likes her. Besides itll get better if he marries her right?
Posted from TSR Mobile
0
reply
Report
#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
I would rather suffer than do that to her. But I don't feel like I want this relationship anymore
I would rather suffer than do that to her. But I don't feel like I want this relationship anymore
You need to decide. I'm sure she can tell if you're suffering (unless she's incredibly self obsessed) and prolonging it would just be worse for her and you.
Posted from TSR Mobile
0
reply
Report
#14
(Original post by whorace)
Of course they are as important as hers, however as you have said they are quite clearly inconsistent, they either need to compromise (one of them accept the other) or break. Becoming a moderate Christian isn't too much a bad deal if he likes her. Besides itll get better if he marries her right?
Of course they are as important as hers, however as you have said they are quite clearly inconsistent, they either need to compromise (one of them accept the other) or break. Becoming a moderate Christian isn't too much a bad deal if he likes her. Besides itll get better if he marries her right?
0
reply
Report
#15
(Original post by Mankytoes)
That isn't compromise, compromise is meeting in the middle. Sadly, religion, especially Abrahamic religion, isn't really designed for compromise. You're asking him to live a lie, that is a very bad deal, and pretty pathetic to do so just for a girl you like.
That isn't compromise, compromise is meeting in the middle. Sadly, religion, especially Abrahamic religion, isn't really designed for compromise. You're asking him to live a lie, that is a very bad deal, and pretty pathetic to do so just for a girl you like.
People change beliefs all the time for practical reasons. Im surprised why people think its uncommon, or even wrong.
0
reply
(Original post by donutaud15)
Personally I think your statements above are contradictory.
You need to decide. I'm sure she can tell if you're suffering (unless she's incredibly self obsessed) and prolonging it would just be worse for her and you.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Personally I think your statements above are contradictory.
You need to decide. I'm sure she can tell if you're suffering (unless she's incredibly self obsessed) and prolonging it would just be worse for her and you.
Posted from TSR Mobile
She knows there is something wrong, but I just come up with excuses. With us both being at University it is really a LDR. If I'm going to break up it will be in person, and if I tell her the truth, i can't break up in person. But at the same time I feel so nasty giving her false hope
0
reply
Report
#17
(Original post by whorace)
I take it your single
People change beliefs all the time for practical reasons. Im surprised why people think its uncommon, or even wrong.
I take it your single
People change beliefs all the time for practical reasons. Im surprised why people think its uncommon, or even wrong.
I'm Catholic and my husband Pagan. Never asked him to change religions despite the fact it's important to me because it'll be a lie and would destroy him inside. I suspect it's similar for OP here and his gf so your advice won't work at all.
Posted from TSR Mobile
0
reply
Report
#18
(Original post by Anonymous)
I know how bad it sounds, that's how I have ended up in a situation where I have to ask total strangers for advice.
She knows there is something wrong, but I just come up with excuses. With us both being at University it is really a LDR. If I'm going to break up it will be in person, and if I tell her the truth, i can't break up in person. But at the same time I feel so nasty giving her false hope
I know how bad it sounds, that's how I have ended up in a situation where I have to ask total strangers for advice.
She knows there is something wrong, but I just come up with excuses. With us both being at University it is really a LDR. If I'm going to break up it will be in person, and if I tell her the truth, i can't break up in person. But at the same time I feel so nasty giving her false hope
Posted from TSR Mobile
0
reply
Report
#19
(Original post by donutaud15)
It ruins relationships especially for someone incredibly religious. Do you really think one can forgive their partner for lying about an important part of their possible shared lives?
I'm Catholic and my husband Pagan. Never asked him to change religions despite the fact it's important to me because it'll be a lie and would destroy him inside. I suspect it's similar for OP here and his gf so your advice won't work at all.
Posted from TSR Mobile
It ruins relationships especially for someone incredibly religious. Do you really think one can forgive their partner for lying about an important part of their possible shared lives?
I'm Catholic and my husband Pagan. Never asked him to change religions despite the fact it's important to me because it'll be a lie and would destroy him inside. I suspect it's similar for OP here and his gf so your advice won't work at all.
Posted from TSR Mobile
So one anecdote invalidates my entire advice?
0
reply
Report
#20
Make it clear that it's fine for her to have a hobby but it's her hobby, not yours and you don't want it impacting on your life as much as is practically possible.
1
reply
X
Quick Reply
