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Boyfriends mum likes me but I dislike her?

Hey I am a third year Economics student currently on a year abroad. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years and love him to bits. We are travelling this summer and moving in together in London for our final year in September.

The problem is his family. Although they haven't been intentionally mean to me they are just not great people. His mum refuses to work and has neglected him and his older sister for the sake of her two younger kids (11 and 14) that she has from her current marriage (divorced his dad when he was a baby). She thinks she deserves some form of mum of the year award when really she's the most unorganised, useless and inconsiderate person I have met in my life. It doesn't help that I am a clean freak and her house is very dirty and untidy.

She will intentionally call him things like "my boy" in front of me, despite the fact that I'm the one he always relies on. She has no idea whats going on in his life and can barely even use a mobile phone (she's in her 40's for god sake!)

She is very unthoughtful and I just do not like the kind of person she is whatsoever. The problem I have is the thought of having to deal with her on a regular basis for the rest of my life puts me into a frenzy and gives me the worst anxiety. Does anyone have any experience with this and how did you deal with it? I really don't want to break up with him!

Reply 1

karl pilkington

What would you consider breaking up with him just because you don;t like his mum? She sounds like one of those chav mums who had children young, just limit the amount of time you spend with her.

Reply 2

HaiHai

You're in a relationship with him, not his mother.

It's okay. Limit the time you spend with her. You're just going to have to grin and bear it.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and I see myself with him for the rest of my life. However I'm going through something similar in that I really dislike his parents. It's not quite the same situation and my boyfriend's parents don't sound as bad as your boyfriends mum but...
Both his parents like me and they think I like them, I'm always nice to them and don't show my feelings towards them. She is a bit clueless and treats my boyfriend like a little boy, he's in uni and she is constantly nagging and telling him what he needs to do, especially when it comes to getting a job, she is obsessed with that, its driving him insane too. And she texts him every day, usually more than once. He is her only child but she needs let him go and for him to be independent. When he lived there she ALWAYS wanted to know what he was doing and would call to know. Every time I visited (LDR) she would always ask what our plans were. We never knew, we didn't plan every day out, but she would NEED to know. Her conversations were usually pretty dull or annoying too. His mum and dad were ALWAYS fighting, and pretty loudly too. Felt sorry for my boyfriend sometimes...
His dad is an artist who has no idea how the world today works or how money works. He was a food delivery man, but quit to be a full time artist (He made little to no money as it is, he worked like 1/2 days a week) so my boyfriends mum is basically making all the income, working 2 full time jobs as she has to help his dad, does ALL the cleaning and cooking and all he does is complain about everything and is rude. He is not helping his family in anyway so they are pretty low on income. My boyfriend is struggling to pay for uni because of this. (Side fact, his parents CONSTANTLY borrowed large sums of money off him and took months and months to pay him back, he barely had any money himself. He gets no help for uni, except they HAD to help pay a deposit for a house for him next year but are constantly asking for it back) His dad is always tells incredibly boring, outdated, useless and sometimes wrong facts and no one cares. But he keeps talking anyway. He is a very odd man, I'm all for odd people but he is just rather annoying and has no idea what he's talking about. Just a day ago he told my boyfriend he needs to get driving lessons. My boyfriend doesn't have a car, doesn't need a car as he is in uni and in a big city and my boyfriend can't afford to pay for lessons whatsoever. Moron.

I went on a bit of rant there.... I appologise.... But letting you know you're not alone with annoying parents :wink:

As for trying to live with it, it will be hard. However think about after uni, you'll be hopefully living with him and be even more independent. You won't see his mum very much because you don't need to. And when you do you can make it a day thing every few weeks/months, so you only have to deal with her every now and then. If you move to a part of the country no where near her then you have an excuse to rarely see her? But by the sounds of it she doesn't care much about her son anyway so will she care if you don't see her often? Will your boyfriend care?