The Student Room Group

Hit rock bottom

As I write this I realise I've come to a point in my life when something drastic needs to change. I've been drinking v. heavily, to the point of not remembering, for the last week, most of the time on my own. It started on Sunday last week when I went out clubbing and got very drunk, woke up the next morning and just carried on drinking as I was feeling so low. The cycle has repeated and I've done no work at university, passing it off to my professors as writers' block. I've been pretending everything is fine to the friends I do have but my relationships with them are under strain with my crass behaviour when drunk. I really don't know where to turn.

As for the underlying causes, I can probably identify a few. My girlfriend and I broke up about a year ago and it was v. messy. I called her all sorts of names and for that I'm not proud. But I've still not been able to get over her, and when I see her out pulling random guys and taking them home, it hurts a lot. I met a great girl over the summer, but she had an on off bf and went back to him after what she considered a fling. That she said she loved me didn't seem to matter. Also, my nan passed away earlier this year, and though I refused to let myself cry at the funeral for the sake of my mom, I bottled up all the hurt and still carry it with me. I've also recently moved universities, leaving me with no firmly rooted social network. My parents aren't helpful and just tell me to pull myself together. I aired the concern that I was depressed and they told me not to be daft. They treat any such talk with contempt, arguing that I'm in such a wonderful life position. Objectively I am, but what does objectivity count for. I'm not sure what depression feels like, but I certainy don't feel great at the moment that's for sure. I get a real sense of worthlessness and disgust at myself- as though everything has been given to me on a plate and I'm literaly pissing on it.

As for the binges I've been on at least four recently and just got a text from a friend asking if I fancied a pint. Trouble is, a pint turns into 6 and then some big spirits drinking. Both my parents drink sensibly and I've been a heavy social drinker now for about 5 years. But the secret boozing and ill effects drinking is having on my life have only recently surfaced. Until a few months ago, I would never have thought of drinking alone, save the odd glass of wine. Needless to say, Christmas will present a variety of temptations.

I know this isn't a very cheery post and I'm sorry for lumbering it on folks, but I thought such a forum, what with its anonymity and all, would be an ideal place to get some tips on getting through this.

Reply 1

Ok, first thing I think is worth a mention - you've managed to write down your feelings - the first step to getting over this is to acknowledge what's wrong and you've done that. :smile:

Personally, I think the binge drinking is your way of trying to 'forget' or block out your problems but it's now that you've realised that it's only a temporary solution.

Your parents probably don't like to think of you being depressed - I know my Mum would probably try and deny it, tell me that I'm not really depressed and it's just me being silly.

To resolve this I think you need to take several steps - you need to properly grieve as you've bottled up so much emotion - there's no specific way to do this but I can suggest going to see the Student Counselling Service at your university. We had a talk from ours the other day and they seemed such a useful point of call for students - whatever the problem.

You mention your lack of a social network - find ways to go out and meet new people - perhaps this is something not to worry about in the immediate future but a social network can support you when you're feeling like you are now.

Do you still talk to your girlfriend? As for the girl over the summer, forget her!

Reply 2

You know what you have to do, so do it.
Empty the alcohol in your room down the sink, go to your welfare officer and talk to them about this; they'll be able to help you. Next time your friends suggests going to the pub, ask to go for a coffee instead, or just drink coke when you're there - say you're not feeling well or on antibiotics or something.

Reply 3

yup.. first step is when you do go out with your mates... have a j20 or a coke or lemonade or something..... I was kinda in the same situation.. i was drinking heavily for the first few months of uni.. but i started having a coke every other round instead of a pint or shot... it helped and you just take it from there....

Reply 4

He needs to sort out the underlying problems as well. Even if he does stop drinking he will still feel crap about other things.

Reply 5

You poor guy, sounds like you're having a terrible time of it. I guess you don't need me to point out that your drinking is a coping mechanism, and it will only cause you even more problems. I'd strongly advise you to see a Doctor about both your depression and alcohol problem so you can start working on making your life better. Do talk to your friends about what you're going through, and if they are real friends they'll support you (and also stop trying to tempt you into drinking too much). As for what your parents said, you can still be deeply unhappy regardless of your 'life position' as they call it so don't feel bad about that. Your ex-girlfriends behaviour is very painful, I don't suppose there's any way of avoiding her completely? If not then focus on who you're hanging out with and ignore her. Though you should probably concentrate on feeling better before you start looking for a new girlfriend.
Good luck, I hope things start working out for you :smile:

Reply 6

Drinking has always been a big part of my social life. I've got a reputation as a heavy drinker, but never really a drunk. Someone who keeps up with the boys but not a problem drinker (by UK uni standards anyways). However, I've been lying to people about my boozing. I rang my nan the other day in the afternoon, completely wasted, talking about random crap. When asked by my dad if I was drunk I told him no, I'd not touched a drop in ages.

If I stopped drinking I would feel rubbish. Not physically; I'm not an alcoholic in that sense. But mentally I would crave it and just become v. morose. Waking up this morning the only thing I could think of was suicide- and I don't say that lightly. It's probably the worst I've ever felt, and this inspired me to write this.

Yesterday I gave a talk to some fellow students after drinking. I felt hungover and tipsy at the same time and thought myself floundering . Turns out it was very well received and nobody was any the wiser. It's perhaps worrying that I'm actually functioning reasonably well after amounts of booze that some people would be on the floor with.

I don't speak to my ex. We are on the worst of terms. A friend told me that people thought she'd turned into a "slapper", and being drunk I told her that she was making a fool of herself having one night stands and unprotected sex. She went ballistic, screaming at me in the middle of a club about how I was "nothing"; a "bit of ****". Maybe I deserved it, but it damn hurt.

Reply 7

You may find you are depressed because of the alcohol.

This article explains

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/depression/alcoholanddepression_000486.htm

"Up to 40 per cent of people who drink heavily have symptoms that resemble a depressive illness. However, when these same people are not drinking heavily, only 5 per cent of men and 10 per cent of woman have symptoms meeting the diagnostic criteria for depression - not that different from the rates of depression in the general population."

Stop drinking and see if the depression lifts - it won't straight away but give it a week or two of tee-total and re-assess your life.

Reply 8

Do you reckon there is a chance I am depressed though?

Reply 9

How can you tell if you keep drinking? - alcohol changes your view of the world while you're drinking AND when you're not.

If you stop the booze and still feel low go and see the doc to discuss it.

Reply 10

Well you've taken the first steps in identifying your problem now you need to seek some form of help preferably your doctor.

Reply 11

Well I've just spoken to my parents about it, not telling them everything about the drinking and his reaction was what I expected. He called me pathetic and told me to pull myself together. He said I was blowing things out of all proportion and was being selfish. What hurt the most was when he started on about the amount of money he'd thrown down the pan on an education I was not taking advantage of. I tried explaining what I did above, but now I'm feeling even worse. How can I make things up to him?

Reply 12

Well - try phoning back and using the famous technique below..

"when you say .... it makes me feel ...."

Like

"when I try and talk to you about how bad I'm feeling and you call me pathetic it makes me feel that you don't care for me"

"when I say that I am feeling down and hopeless and you tell me to pull myself together it makes me feel that you don't want to understand anything about me"

"when I say how hard I am finding life and you say I am a waste of money it makes me feel that you see me as a failed investment not as your son who is very sad at the moment and would like some looking after"

If you can't say these things - try writing/email.

The formula when yiou say/it makes me feel is quite good as it usually avoids blaming and name calling.

Good luck