AQA AS Sociology Essay Structure HELP! Watch

gemmax6x
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I am currently studying AS level AQA Sociology doing the topics Families and Household and Education with Research Methods. I am looking for either a sociology teacher or someone who has/is doing this subject. This is regarding Question 4 on the exam paper.

Throughout the year we have been given essay questions to do with a structure as follows: intro, factor 1 (possibly the named factor), factor 2 and then factor 3 if there is one, and a conclusion. For example, if asked "assess the importance of cultural factors in....." you would do a paragraph each on cultural deprivation, material deprivation and then cultural capital.
Now, with 5 weeks until exams start, one of our teachers has told us that this is the wrong structure and that we should do contrasting views in a single paragraph to criticise, however his makes little sense to us.

I was wondering if structure really does matter and also, if i am criticising at the end of my individual paragraphs, isn't that the same? I got a mark and grade for this and showed this other teacher who has criticised the structure and she said it would get an E because of the structure, despite saying that the content was great?!

If anyone could take the time to read my essay (it was from my mock in January) and tell me if the structure is ok, if anything needs to be changed and also what mark you think it would get, i would really appreciate it!

thankyou!
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Asolare
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(Original post by gemmax6x)
I was wondering if structure really does matter and also, if i am criticising at the end of my individual paragraphs, isn't that the same? I got a mark and grade for this and showed this other teacher who has criticised the structure and she said it would get an E because of the structure, despite saying that the content was great?!
Structure does matter, but usually if you just follow Point Evidence Explain (and Link) method that should suffice.

It's been a few years since I did sociology, but the way you have written your paragraphs is similar to how I was taught. You critique the point inside the same paragraph, which you have quite rightfully done.

Yo also don't use "I believe" in the conclusion nono, use "from what we can see above, the case for X theory is stronger" or "based on analysis of all the sociological theories, X seems to provide a stronger support" etc.

I can't see where you're going wrong structure-wise unless they've suddenly changed how sociological essays are to be written.
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gemmax6x
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(Original post by Inexorably)
Structure does matter, but usually if you just follow Point Evidence Explain (and Link) method that should suffice.

It's been a few years since I did sociology, but the way you have written your paragraphs is similar to how I was taught. You critique the point inside the same paragraph, which you have quite rightfully done.

Yo also don't use "I believe" in the conclusion nono, use "from what we can see above, the case for X theory is stronger" or "based on analysis of all the sociological theories, X seems to provide a stronger support" etc.

I can't see where you're going wrong structure-wise unless they've suddenly changed how sociological essays are to be written.
Yeah, i realised my error with the "i believe" part i just wasn't quite sure how to word it, so thank you for providing alternatives, they're great!

Ok thank you so much, after them having taught us this way for the entire year to change it 5 weeks before the exam has had me stressing out completely!

Thanks again, i really appreciate it!
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