Does this make me cold/a bad sister? Watch

TheWhiteRabbit
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So, since last August, I discovered that my sister (who is 14, I am 17 since Jan) had been self harming. By 'discovered', I mean she told me, yet refused to let me tell my parents. However, later that afternoon, I broke down crying, unable to cope on my own with the news. My mum came over and eventually discovered the truth, and immediately told my dad. My parents aren't bad people, but just don't know how to handle things like this, regarding mental health. They confronted her about it, and eventually got her to a doctor, and then I thought everything was going to be okay.

However, a few months after this though, around December, I received a message saying that my sister had been telling this lad she was bleeding out in her room, and that she was going to kill herself, and in all honesty, being quite vile. I went immediately to my mother who called her down and asked her calmly about it. My sister acted out and was quite horrid towards us both, and eventually started to scream she hated me for telling my mother. This happened again a month later, as well as 2 weeks again after that.

After that, I was trying to not say anything horrid to her, and to be quite calm for my mother's sake, as my dad is a truck driver and works away a lot. Then around 1 month ago, a friend of mine came up to me and told me my sister had been saying to a load of people my mum was abusing her. I went and asked a bunch of people who I knew that some were her friends, some were just in her year, and there were too many people who told me the exact same as my friend, some even having exact details of conversations. I went home that afternoon and confronted my sister, asking her if my mum WAS abusing her (I thought this to be false but felt like I should ask just in case) and my sister denied ever saying it. I then went downstairs and explained the situation to my mother what happened, before my sister posted something online, asking people to stop saying she had said it. A lot of her friends commented underneath saying she had said it, and she and my mum started to argue again. I left the room at this point, and was very upset. A while later, my mum came up to tell me she wanted to explain, and I told her straight out I wasn't going to stand being blamed again for this. At this point, I broke out crying. She hugged me, before hearing the door slam downstairs - my sister had ran out as soon as I needed some comfort. I then packed a bag of stuff, and left for my boyfriend's house.

After I spent the night at his, I went to work and tried to carry on as normal. I went home, refusing to be pushed out of my own house, and haven't talked to her since.

Is this being selfish?

I just feel like I am on my own through this, and like I have no support anymore. All while these incidents have been happening, I have been struggling with an eating disorder and an anxiety disorder, suffering largely over the past few months with panic attacks, as well as 2 pregnancy scares, yet I haven't been telling my parents as I feel like they have enough to deal with already.

Since I left, I haven't been talking to my sister at all, and recently my mother has asked me to try to make amends, yet I still feel angry at her for doing this to us all and for not even apologising to me or my parents properly. There's a part of me that doubts she's even properly sorry.

Is this being cold-hearted/selfish though? Does anyone have any advice they could give me please? I really don't know what to do anymore.
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AmmanK1
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Your not being selfish at all, I would do exactly the same if i was in your position in all honesty. Stay strong
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Salome1984
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Hi. I don't think your being selfish. It's allot for a 17 year old to deal with. I think your sister needs professional help as she is obviously hiding something that is causing her grief, hurt and pain. Her family may not be able to help her with this as it maybe something very personal that she is trying to deal with on her own which is taking it's toll on her emotionally. Don't push her away. She's your sister and she needs you. It will be difficult at times and she may take her rage out on those closest to her. My sister died on mothers day and I miss her so much. She used to self harm because she was going through a deep emotional turmoil and I never fully understood, now I know the reasons behind it, it's to late for me to hold her and tell her much I love her. Just be there for her and let her confide in you. xxxx
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battycatlady
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No you're not. I know you love your sister, but you need to focus on your own mental health.

Your sister really needs help, OP. Do you know if she has received any professional help?

It would also be good if you could talk to someone as you have your own mental health issues and this is a lot for you to be dealing with.

Your sister is clearly suffering with depression (or some other mental health disorder). I have clinical depression and I self harm a lot. My depression can sometimes make me very selfish and difficult to deal with. Try your best to love and support your sister, but not at the expense of your own mental well being.

Depression brings out the worst in people. Any awful, negative thought you have ever had will come to the surface. Try and make amends with your sister and remember that this isn't really her, but her mental health which is causing her to act this way, which is something separate to her.

I can't help it, but people around me can't help being upset either. I really do understand how difficult this will be for you, OP, so please feel free to PM me anytime if you need someone to talk to.
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LadyEcliptic
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Selfish?

Far from it my dear, considering what YOU are going through.

Depression or not, there's something wrong with your sister and she needs help, and I really hope you are getting help yourself, it's a lot to deal with when no one knows how you are feeling
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TheWhiteRabbit
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Thank you all, I really do appreciate the advice x
I just keep getting told different things on how to deal with it, and none have really been helping. She is seeing a counsellor, and is on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist but I just don't know how to deal with her as I have my own problems too but seem to be loaded with everyone else's
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