suffering from undiagnosed anxiety and depression -- advice? Watch
i'm 19 years old and i have anxiety and depression. i'm currently in my second year of university studying a joint honours in psychology and philosophy and the state of my mental health has really had a devastating effect on my studies, and things have gotten so bad that i'm dropping out at the end of this term after a year of stress, horrific attendance, bad grades and all-round failure. i've struggled with anxiety and depression since starting high school, where i had really low self-esteem and attempted suicide in my second year. coming to uni was sort of supposed to open up a world of different opportunities where i would be able to develop myself and become more confident, so i thought that my mental health would improve dramatically.
instead, i spent my first year in my room living amongst flatmates who i never spoke to and avoided at all costs. anxiety stopped me from going to the shops to buy food until i was literally dizzy from hunger and depression made it difficult for me to get out of bed and go to my classes. despite this, i managed to pass my first year with relatively good grades so i suspected from there things would only get easier. second year rolled around and i was feeling pretty optimistic since i was living with a good friend from back home and a couple people i'd met through her, but by the time october came by i was already struggling with my anxiety and depression again. additionally, the content of my course didn't interest me and i had no motivation to go to class. not only that but my girlfriend of three years broke up with me unexpectedly so things just got worse.
most days i would just lie in bed all day and sleep, then stay awake all night crying and thinking about how rubbish everything was. i started drinking quite heavily and used alcohol as both an encouragement for getting out of bed (i would have a drink in the morning after waking up and then drink steadily throughout the rest of the day), and as a reward for making it through another difficult day even though i hadn't achieved anything at all. eventually i stopped trying to go to classes altogether; i didn't bother submitting essential coursework and - as a result - failed my third semester. after this i had zero motivation to try hard at uni: my course wasn't what i expected it to be and i was sad all the time. even though i had stopped going to classes and worrying about coursework, my anxiety levels were through the roof.
things are a bit better now, i went to therapy before christmas but it didn't really have any impact. i don't drink as much but i'm still sad and struggle to get out of bed. now that i know i'm dropping out of uni i'm just sitting around my flat waiting for term to end since i can't afford to pay off my accommodation fees before my contract expires. i'm finding it difficult to find a job, although i went to my first ever interview last week (i was unsuccessful) and i'm feeling really useless and lost overall.
i don't know what i'm going to do when i leave university, i know i definitely want to come back and get my degree at some point (maybe something in english or creative writing) but i don't know what to do in the meantime. finding a job is an absolute must since i'll be moving back in with my mum.
i guess i'm just starting to panic a little bit since my life hasn't turned out at all how i expected it to be so far and i can't remember the last time i was happy. it feels a bit like i'm going nowhere and there's no point in me being here since i'm just kind of using up everybody else's time and energy. i realise this might just come across as uni-related stress, but this is something i've been struggling with since i was 12 and it's completely ruined my university experience.
i don't know, i was just looking for a bit of guidance -- should i speak to my gp about getting diagnosed? i have been to several different therapists on many occasions and it's never really helped me so i don't know.
has anybody else experienced similar problems or felt a similar way? i've found it frustrating to talk to certain people about this before since they've been quite ignorant and insensitive about mental health issues and for the most part they told me to just get over it and stuff so. i would really appreciate some genuine compassion and empathy and i'd be grateful for advice if anyone has any.
(i realise this is a bit of an essay so sorry about that. i understand it's not terribly interesting to read about someone else's life story haha, so for that reason: TL;DR -- anxiety and depression are basically ruining my life. what can i do about it?)
Don't expect the uni to just leave you alone and let you stay on the course if you're not going to lectures or handing in assignments. They can't chuck you out completely if you have a diagnosis (without one they are completely within their rights to) but they will 'heavily suggest' that you take temporary withdrawal.