I don't know what to do... Watch

Anonymous #1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
For the past three years I have been suffering from severe existential depression, depersonalisation, sensory overload, as well as agoraphobia; though more recent. My lack of motivation, ability to function in public, and failure comprehend this wet paper-like concept we call reality (another story), has caused me great trouble in completing my education.

I dropped of high school at the beginning of year 11, though I was later forced to do my GCSEs elsewhere though CAMHS.

Having managed to complete my GCSEs, I (barely) managed to apply for an A-Level course at college, which I naively thought I was capable of, as I seemingly felt "better", after being able to study in a quiet environment for almost a year. However, I was wrong. It didn't take to two weeks before my head started to feel like it was being chopped into pieces by a rusty saw, making the world around me pulsate and incapable of learning anything at all in class or doing homework.

Not wanting to go through this torture everyday, attendance quickly plummeted until I stopped showing up. Although I tried to tell my teachers, and later my GP and counselor I was referred to none were very helpful or understanding of my situation.

Since then I have spent most of my time depressed, shut away in my room usually daydreaming or studying something that interest me (history, philosophy, physics/maths). I sometimes have the urge to consume my own flesh (I haven't done anything yet). I also forget how to speak and walk at times leaving me incapacitated for hours.

Does anyone have any advice? I turn 18 in a few weeks and I don't want spend more time in this limbo. By the time I finally get to see a psychiatrist I'll probably be dead. It's been 3 months since they said they would refer me.

It's been a while since I've written anything so I appologise for any grammar that might off.
Badges: 21
Report 4 years ago
Do you remember what you were? What you used to do that made you happy? It is possible that the lack of "human contact" is making it worse for you.

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