My girlfriend has changed Watch

Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 4 years ago
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My girlfriend and I have been going out for quite some time now, and we were really good together, but since she started uni in January, she's become obsessed with this warped "feminist" ideology. Firstly I'd like to say I'm all about feminism and equal rights - I fully support it but she's been brainwashed into this super female politics thing after joining a feminists club at uni.

If she's making dinner, she'll only let just herself, or her girlfriends, have any because she says that a woman shouldn't have to cook for men.

I have to pay for all our meals and shopping because she says a woman shouldn't be forced into providing household items.

She won't come with us to the pub anymore because apparently everyone is sexist.

She won't let me watch any sports because "women are underrepresented in mainstream media".

We can't go and see my parents for the weekend - we have to see my parents on one day, and her parents on the other for it to be fair.

I can't call her my girlfriend, i have to call her my partner.

The list goes on, every time I try to talk to her about it she dismisses me and accuses me of stifling her female rights. I'm just at a crossroads. I love her to bits but I don't know how long I can keep it up.
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Zeno of Citium
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If she's making dinner, she'll only let just herself, or her girlfriends, have any because she says that a woman shouldn't have to cook for men.

I have to pay for all our meals and shopping because she says a woman shouldn't be forced into providing household items.
I can only presume that you are lying.
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CherryWine
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My girlfriend and I have been going out for quite some time now, and we were really good together, but since she started uni in January, she's become obsessed with this warped "feminist" ideology. Firstly I'd like to say I'm all about feminism and equal rights - I fully support it but she's been brainwashed into this super female politics thing after joining a feminists club at uni.

If she's making dinner, she'll only let just herself, or her girlfriends, have any because she says that a woman shouldn't have to cook for men.

I have to pay for all our meals and shopping because she says a woman shouldn't be forced into providing household items.

She won't come with us to the pub anymore because apparently everyone is sexist.

She won't let me watch any sports because "women are underrepresented in mainstream media".

We can't go and see my parents for the weekend - we have to see my parents on one day, and her parents on the other for it to be fair.

I can't call her my girlfriend, i have to call her my partner.

The list goes on, every time I try to talk to her about it she dismisses me and accuses me of stifling her female rights. I'm just at a crossroads. I love her to bits but I don't know how long I can keep it up.
Omfg, run! She's ridiculous :lolwut:
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ChickenMadness
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rofl. She's been infected.
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Ebony19
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I'm not sure whether I believe you or whether you're just trying to start a riot.

If you're being serious she sounds like she's just responding childishly
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Dr Pesto
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She sounds absolutely demented. If this is serious (which I doubt, but still) I think you should hold some kind of intervention.
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soanonymous
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She's looking at feminism all wrong. It's okay to be a feminist however you having to pay for meals and stuff isn't what a feminist should be making you do.

The whole reason in history that men paid for everything (dates etc) is because women never had the right to work and therefore didn't earn their own money, whilst that has changed now, feminists (true feminists) believe in complete equality, I.e splitting the bill or taking turns etc as they now have the means to do so, they've won the war against the right to work and are therefore proud of paying for things like meals out for them and their partner.

What your girlfriend is doing is taking advantage of you and using feminism as an excuse to have everything her way. If she wants women to be equal in every way (ie the media broadcasting more women sports etc) then she should want women to pay for their own meals or whatever.

Feminists want women to be equal in every sense of the word. Fake feminists and radical feminists just want everything their way.

People are extremely undereducated about the concept of feminism and therefore have no idea how to interpret it and what it exactly means.

Tell her to shut the **** up and pay for **** if she wants to be equal so badly.


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kkboyk
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(Original post by ChickenMadness)
rofl. She's been infected.
I guess it's time to grab the stake
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silverbolt
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assuming your not trolling.

Shes discovered something to be passionate about, and like most passions they become all consuming when people first get into them.

Hopefully in time she relaises just how crazy shes acting. Of course whether you still be there at the end of it is another question.
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Stiff Little Fingers
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Silverbolt has got it - she's found something she cares about and gone overboard with it in an attempt to find an identity and to fit in at uni, not unlike a lot of new students. Likelihood is she'll mellow out within the next couple of years - question is if you can put up with this. Still in some of the cases I'd say that if she plans to only cook for herself, she can buy the ingredients - she's not there to serve you, but you're not there to serve her either.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Ebony19)
I'm not sure whether I believe you or whether you're just trying to start a riot.

If you're being serious she sounds like she's just responding childishly
Not trying to start a riot at all, I know this is warped idea of feminism and not at all what it's actually meant to be about. What I'm really asking is if I should stay in a relationship with her - I'm sure it's a phase, but to put it bluntly, it's doing my nut! She's as stubborn as a mule about it and every time I've brought up the subject she cuts me off and says that I'm just trying to oppress her and not taking feminism seriously - she just won't accept that she's got the whole thing wrong!

At the end of the day, it's her new little clique that are influencing her, but I don't know how to approach the subject without her thinking I'm going up against her. A relationship should be a two way street, nor just take take take. She's confusing feminism with female superiority and it*seems so set in stone that she won't take anything else for an answer. I blame the club, but you can't exactly go accusing a university feminists club of brainwashing and not look like a class A douchebag!
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Ebony19
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Not trying to start a riot at all, I know this is warped idea of feminism and not at all what it's actually meant to be about. What I'm really asking is if I should stay in a relationship with her - I'm sure it's a phase, but to put it bluntly, it's doing my nut! She's as stubborn as a mule about it and every time I've brought up the subject she cuts me off and says that I'm just trying to oppress her and not taking feminism seriously - she just won't accept that she's got the whole thing wrong!

At the end of the day, it's her new little clique that are influencing her, but I don't know how to approach the subject without her thinking I'm going up against her. A relationship should be a two way street, nor just take take take. She's confusing feminism with female superiority and it*seems so set in stone that she won't take anything else for an answer. I blame the club, but you can't exactly go accusing a university feminists club of brainwashing and not look like a class A douchebag!
We can't tell you whether or not you should stay in a relationship with her but what I will say is if she's charging about on a high horse that'll irritate anyone man/woman/wildebeast. Just have a word explain maybe she's taking her impression of feminism to an extreme especially that you're a good boyfriend and not oppressing her in any way...
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Protégé
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She's a complete moron, break up with her.
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TurboCretin
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Not trying to start a riot at all, I know this is warped idea of feminism and not at all what it's actually meant to be about. What I'm really asking is if I should stay in a relationship with her - I'm sure it's a phase, but to put it bluntly, it's doing my nut! She's as stubborn as a mule about it and every time I've brought up the subject she cuts me off and says that I'm just trying to oppress her and not taking feminism seriously - she just won't accept that she's got the whole thing wrong!

At the end of the day, it's her new little clique that are influencing her, but I don't know how to approach the subject without her thinking I'm going up against her. A relationship should be a two way street, nor just take take take. She's confusing feminism with female superiority and it*seems so set in stone that she won't take anything else for an answer. I blame the club, but you can't exactly go accusing a university feminists club of brainwashing and not look like a class A douchebag!
If she's gone to the extent of refusing to share food with you because you're a guy (but will share food with other girls) then her bull**** field may well be impenetrable.

However, here is what I would do in your situation:
1. Engage in dialogue about her beliefs. Genuinely listen to her and show an interest in what she has been discussing in her group. Let her know that you're receptive to what she has to say. Once she feels able to openly discuss the topic with you, then reinforce how chin-strokingly profound her revelations about denying men dinner are, but balance the discussion by playing devil's advocate.
2. Wait and see if she mellows out (for a pre-determined period).
3. Dump.

If she's a lost cause, she will probably see you dumping her as a misogynistic move. You will just have to accept that state of affairs if it comes to it.
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hydrogirl_13
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I would challenge her indirectly then see how you feel
some feminists have went a bit OTT, I believe in feminism myself, but there's a difference in how people see it and portray it
for the cooking thing, either only buy stuff for yourself and only cook for yourself and she only cooks for herself or tell her it needs to be split equally (which in my view feminism is to be treated at equals)
the visiting both parents thing is fair but maybe make it one weekend at ur parents and the next at hers?
as for sports personally I would be petty and put on women's football or volleyball to challenge her argument and possibly piss her off
maybe try and stop treating her like a girl and treat her like you would a guy - see how she likes it. and say to her that you don't want to treat her as a 1950s housewife and you are treating her like you would anyone
she might realise herself how silly she is being but I would suggest giving her space until she comes to her senses.
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BlueSheep32
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It doesn't seem like she really understands feminism, to take it to that extreme. She's probably just trying really hard to fit in with her new friends at uni.

The food thing...if you both have an income, and you're sharing food (not that she is!) then it makes sense for her to contribute money towards it. Nothing sexist about that at all, it's just common sense and decency. In my relationship, I cook more than my boyfriend does, but only because I enjoy cooking a lot more than he does, and if we're ever staying together for an extended period of time we split the cost of the food half and half. She's turning something that really isn't a feminist issue into one here, it's not like you were expecting her to cook for you all of the time was it? The sports thing is ridiculous too, it's true that womens' sports don't get nearly as much coverage as mens', but that shouldn't mean you can't watch it because of that. That's controlling behaviour. The visiting parents thing, I agree with the poster who said you could make it so you spend a whole weekend at her parents' for every weekend you spend at yours?

I can sort of understand the pub thing, if it's a group of lads, because I did used to feel quite uncomfortable when my boyfriend's housemates talked about girls they thought were fit and stuff like that, but if it didn't bother her too much before she became a feminist then I don't see how it's so much of a problem now.

Have you tried talking to her about why she's suddenly become so militant? Show an interest in it, let her know that you're in no way against feminism, but this isn't how feminism should be - she's being ridiculous and needs to tone it down. She might do anyway after a while, but if she won't listen to you then I don't know what to suggest really.
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Juliechristine
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If this is real you should definitely leave. She has taken feminism completely wrong and while trying to put forward her own rights she is forgetting yours. Imagine if you cooked dinner only for males, lol uproar.
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DorianGrayism
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This person obviously doesn't exist.
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Tom78
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Slap her and tell her you're a misogynist. Post results here.
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Stewie2011
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if THE SEX is still good stick with it.
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