How to break up after a long relationship Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
In a nutshell it started out great. We had some disagreements (nothing major) but we talked. We discussed problems in the relationship and figured out what each of us could do to help sort it out.

It is now a year and 2 more conversation like this later and she hasn't tried a bit, while I have tried everything to get us to work out. TBH I'm sick of it and just want out now.

She still says she loves me though and I have been trying to avoid saying it (I can't stop saying it all together or she will know, I'm not breaking up unless it is in person).

How do I break up with her in person, I'm not sure how to go about it. I'm usually on the receiving end. She still says she loves me so I know it will hit her hard, is there anything I can do to make it easier for her?
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Spike1999
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#2
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what about taking a break from each other and see how you feel afterwards?
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Anonymous #1
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Doesn't that give a false sense of hope though? I honestly don't know how I will feel afterwards but I wouldn't want to give false hope just in case.
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mollymadworld
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Just be brutally honest with her, tell her what your problems are, and tell her that you don't want to be in the relationship. The longer you keep up with this false pretence of love the harder it is going to be to break up with her.
Honesty is the best policy, otherwise you are going to become trapped in this relationship that you know is going no where.
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Spike1999
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Well it could do, at least with time apart from each other you have time to think about what you really want. I would be risky to break up now and then realise further down the line that you've made a big mistake.
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Spike1999
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#6
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but then again it does sound like you are not going to change your mind .
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username1837067
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Be sensitive to her feelings but don't give her false hope
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Anonymous #1
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What would be the best place to do it? Mine, hers, somewhere neutral?
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Spike1999
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I recommend neutral ground.
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boro_andy
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#10
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#10
Broke up with my ex of almost seven years 18 months or so ago. It was over probably 2 years before that really, we just didn't acknowledge it.

I broke it off, she was devastated and wouldn't leave it for 3 months. Turns out she was doing the dirty anyway.

Break ups aren't pleasant, but they do have to happen sometimes. Just get on with it, no point dragging it out. If she finds out you've been planning it for a while it'll hurt her more.

Good luck!
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infairverona
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#11
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#11
Just get it over with otherwise you'll have to face loads of interrogation 'oh but you said you loved me this morning' etc etc
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boro_andy
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#12
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#12
One thing I also learnt, be selfish.

If you are not happy, change it. Regardless of the outcome.
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Rock Fan
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#13
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Best just to be honest and tell her you want to break up, I would advise against a break from each other because they never really work.
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Anonymous #2
#14
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I'd do it at hers so that you are the one who has to travel afterwards - if she's really upset it'll be better for her to be at home rather than trying to get home in floods of tears.

I wouldn't be "brutally" honest. Be kind but firm. Be prepared for the things she might say (e.g. she might say that now she'll change) and know how you'll deal with it.

It'll be unpleasant but you'll be relieved when it's over.
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Crystalclearmagic
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#15
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(Original post by Anonymous)
In a nutshell it started out great. We had some disagreements (nothing major) but we talked. We discussed problems in the relationship and figured out what each of us could do to help sort it out.

It is now a year and 2 more conversation like this later and she hasn't tried a bit, while I have tried everything to get us to work out. TBH I'm sick of it and just want out now.

She still says she loves me though and I have been trying to avoid saying it (I can't stop saying it all together or she will know, I'm not breaking up unless it is in person).

How do I break up with her in person, I'm not sure how to go about it. I'm usually on the receiving end. She still says she loves me so I know it will hit her hard, is there anything I can do to make it easier for her?
The longer you leave it, the more it'll hurt her.
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Anonymous #1
#16
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#16
Thanks for the advice, I'm scared to do it myself but I know it needs doing, or the matter will just get worse. I know what is right...
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