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Problem with Mum Not Liking G/f
I am having a few problems with my mum starting to hate my g/f. Im not sure why she is starting to feel this way, it's got my confused. She dropped into a conversation earlier, that she hopes im not with her for much longer, which kinda peeved me off a bit, as she said a few weeks ago that she likes her.
So basically she is telling me to dump her, and find someone better?! Or is she just worried about me getting messed around by this girl (as she isn't what i'd usually go for), and just looking out for me?
My mates have said: I am her blue eyed boy, and she doesn't want to see me hurt... But that sounds a bit babyish, as i am over 18, and can surely make my own mind up.
Anyway, no idea what to do, me and my g/f are quite serious now, but the situation with my mum is getting worse by the week.
What can i do?!
So basically she is telling me to dump her, and find someone better?! Or is she just worried about me getting messed around by this girl (as she isn't what i'd usually go for), and just looking out for me?
My mates have said: I am her blue eyed boy, and she doesn't want to see me hurt... But that sounds a bit babyish, as i am over 18, and can surely make my own mind up.
Anyway, no idea what to do, me and my g/f are quite serious now, but the situation with my mum is getting worse by the week.
What can i do?!
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You haven't described your gf in much detail so I can't comment on whether there's a valid reason why your mum doesn't seem to like her.
But I'd agree with your mates - she's probably just slightly "possessive" of you. Not in a negative way - just that she's not used to you having attention from another female other than herself. It's quite normal tbh, you might be 18 but you're still her little boy in her eyes
Maybe try and find out exactly what it is about your gf that she doesn't like. But definitely don't let your mum's views affect your relationship with your gf - after all it is your life, not hers.
But I'd agree with your mates - she's probably just slightly "possessive" of you. Not in a negative way - just that she's not used to you having attention from another female other than herself. It's quite normal tbh, you might be 18 but you're still her little boy in her eyes
Maybe try and find out exactly what it is about your gf that she doesn't like. But definitely don't let your mum's views affect your relationship with your gf - after all it is your life, not hers.
Reply 2
Hate to tell you this but mums are usually right. Well I know mine is a great judge of character. And even though you may not see the way your mum sees your gf now, that could all change in the future.
Reply 3
I think it's the fact that she is really confident, and talks alot (which is surely a good thing) and also helps her self to things in the house, and stuff like that. My mum is a bit house proud, but i don't see that as a way to hate her surely?
Always accuses her of having 'too many issues' and a bit mixed up etc..
I have tried to figure out and ask her what she finds annoying, with no luck.
Mums.. Damn them
My dad hasn't got a problem with her at all, and loves her to pieces. Which is rare. But my mum, being a witch, and really horrible.
Always accuses her of having 'too many issues' and a bit mixed up etc..
I have tried to figure out and ask her what she finds annoying, with no luck.
Mums.. Damn them
My dad hasn't got a problem with her at all, and loves her to pieces. Which is rare. But my mum, being a witch, and really horrible.
Reply 4
blackswan
Hate to tell you this but mums are usually right. Well I know mine is a great judge of character. And even though you may not see the way your mum sees your gf now, that could all change in the future.
Mum's can see the dark side, and bad side of a g/f then? I can't see it myself, my g/f seems like she wouldn't hurt a fly.
Reply 5
Anonymous
Mum's can see the dark side, and bad side of a g/f then? I can't see it myself, my g/f seems like she wouldn't hurt a fly.
I could be wrong about your mum. Maybe she purely doesn't want to lose you to this girl. Is this your first serious girlfriend?
Reply 6
blackswan
I could be wrong about your mum. Maybe she purely doesn't want to lose you to this girl. Is this your first serious girlfriend?
Nope, been in 2 other serious relationships in the past few years. But she never really met them, and complained about not metting them. But when she does meet my recent one, she goes crazy as such.
Maybe it's my fault for letting my mum meet her? Where she isn't really used to me having g/f's round to stay alot.. etc...
Reply 7
Anonymous
Nope, been in 2 other serious relationships in the past few years. But she never really met them, and complained about not metting them. But when she does meet my recent one, she goes crazy as such.
Maybe it's my fault for letting my mum meet her? Where she isn't really used to me having g/f's round to stay alot.. etc...
Maybe it's my fault for letting my mum meet her? Where she isn't really used to me having g/f's round to stay alot.. etc...
Well the fact that this is like the first 'real' gf she's seen you with probably justs means she can't handle seeing her little boy all grown up like this. There's probably nothing wrong with your gf, but there is to your mum. You should sit down and ask her what bothers her so much about your girlfriend...get the answers out of her! If their genuine then you will know she's right. But if she makes up pissy problems then you know she just isn't ready to let you go.
Reply 8
one of my ex's mums sed to hate me wudnt even talk to me..but his dad still talks away after we've broken up and me and him dont talk for over a year now.i think its just mum's dont wana loose their little boys.its the same atm my dad hates my current boyfriend which makes it difficult because i always end up in his house and im sure his mum is getting sick of the sight of me...i think its just a parental thing...theyve been there and they know what happens etc so they try and protect us... maybe its maternal?? really annoyin tho...but it is your life so you live it dont live it for your mum...everyone has to learn from their own mistakes and cant be guided forever...
Your mum might just find your girlfriend a bit too forward (e.g. helping herself to things in the house - and while you might see being talkative as a positive attribute, other people can find talkativeness annoying). Just try and appreciate that not everyone in the world is going to see your girlfriend as you do. My boyfriend is painfully shy and I know this makes my mum concerned that his attitude might hold back my social life if it rubs off on me too much. We're all different people and we're all going to respond to one another differently. If your mum doesn't like your girlfriend then you're just going to have to accept it. If your relationship ends, you'll know she was right all along; if you end up getting married and living happily ever after with this girl, then your mum will have to accept her presence in your life no matter how much she likes or dislikes her.
Reply 10
Has your girlfriend noticed that your mum is behaving in this way towards her?
Reply 11
blackswan
Hate to tell you this but mums are usually right. Well I know mine is a great judge of character. And even though you may not see the way your mum sees your gf now, that could all change in the future.
i agree they usually do know whats best for the future
Reply 13
Are you happy with your girlfriend? If you are happy with your girlfriend then it doesn't matter what your mum thinks of her. Your mum doesn't have to go out with this girl and even though she is entitled to her own opinion, it doesn't mean she should go shouting about it when you are in a serious relationship with her. Personally, I would tell me mum to keep her nose out of my business because at the end of the day, she isn't the one in the relationship with her, you are. If you want to be with her and if you are happy then thats all that matters.
Truth is, my boyfriend is in the same position as you. His dad isn't exactly thrilled that his son is going out with me. It's not a personal thing because I have never done anything to make him dislike me, im extremely polite and I go out of my way to be nice to them and start up coversations with them. He just doesn't like the fact that his son is growing up, he hates the fact that his son is in a serious relationship with a girl that isn't good enough for him but at the end of the day, nobody is good enough for his son. It's something that parents do, not all of them but some of them. My boyfriend completely ignores his dad because we love each other and we are very happy together, his dad isn't the one in the relationship with me so his opinion of me doesn't matter.
Your mum might be doing something like that, it might not be something personal but I don't know your mum, your girlfriend or the situation that you are in. It's just a suggestion. If I were you, I would just tell me mum that I was happy, that it was serious and that she needs to mind her own business.
Truth is, my boyfriend is in the same position as you. His dad isn't exactly thrilled that his son is going out with me. It's not a personal thing because I have never done anything to make him dislike me, im extremely polite and I go out of my way to be nice to them and start up coversations with them. He just doesn't like the fact that his son is growing up, he hates the fact that his son is in a serious relationship with a girl that isn't good enough for him but at the end of the day, nobody is good enough for his son. It's something that parents do, not all of them but some of them. My boyfriend completely ignores his dad because we love each other and we are very happy together, his dad isn't the one in the relationship with me so his opinion of me doesn't matter.
Your mum might be doing something like that, it might not be something personal but I don't know your mum, your girlfriend or the situation that you are in. It's just a suggestion. If I were you, I would just tell me mum that I was happy, that it was serious and that she needs to mind her own business.
You're right that of course it's the OP rather than his mum who is going out with this girl, so his mum's opinion only has limited value in this respect.
However, to say his mum's opinion doesn't matter AT ALL is a bit facetious. We've never met the OP's girlfriend; who are we to say his mother is totally wrong? Plus, his mother has known him longer than his girlfriend has and is likely to know him just as well, if not better, than she does; moreover, if there's even a faint chance that this girl is going to be the mother of the OP's children one day, then yes, his parents do have a right to their opinion. It's how they express that opinion that matters. And besides, what do you want the OP's mother to do? Be all sunshine and lollipops and lie and say 'oh yes dear, I think she's wonderful' when that isn't the case at all?
However, to say his mum's opinion doesn't matter AT ALL is a bit facetious. We've never met the OP's girlfriend; who are we to say his mother is totally wrong? Plus, his mother has known him longer than his girlfriend has and is likely to know him just as well, if not better, than she does; moreover, if there's even a faint chance that this girl is going to be the mother of the OP's children one day, then yes, his parents do have a right to their opinion. It's how they express that opinion that matters. And besides, what do you want the OP's mother to do? Be all sunshine and lollipops and lie and say 'oh yes dear, I think she's wonderful' when that isn't the case at all?
Reply 15
No, I don't expect the original posters mother to behave like that at all. She is entitled to her own opinion, I just don't think that it is fair to express it that way. I don't think that it is fair for her to say, "Oh I hope you break up with her soon". If the original posters mother doesn't like the girlfriend then she must have a reason, it could be a personal reason, it could be something that isn't personal like in my situation. I just don't think it's fair for the original posters mother to turn around and say that to them.
If my mum had a problem with my boyfriend then I wouldn't care. I would never say something about someone she was seeing because at the end of the day, it's none of my business. My mum is a single woman, she could go out and find a guy that I might not like but I would never tell her to break up with them just because of my own personal opinion. If that person makes my mother happy then why would I take that away from her? It's her feelings that matter, not mine. Therefore, I do believe that it is the same in this situation. I wouldn't take that from my mother because I wouldn't give it out personally, I would never say that to someone and I don't think that anyone else should.
I think the original posters feelings about this girl is much more important that the mothers. The original poster is the one that is going out with her, there must be a reason why they are together, therefore she can't be all bad. If this girl makes the original poster happy, why stand in the way of that? You shouldn't. Thats how I see things, everyone will have different opinions on it and thats mine. You don't have to agree with me, I just think that in this situation that the original poster deserves to be happy and if this girl makes them happy then the mother should leave them to it. She shouldnt stand in the way of their happiness.
If my mum had a problem with my boyfriend then I wouldn't care. I would never say something about someone she was seeing because at the end of the day, it's none of my business. My mum is a single woman, she could go out and find a guy that I might not like but I would never tell her to break up with them just because of my own personal opinion. If that person makes my mother happy then why would I take that away from her? It's her feelings that matter, not mine. Therefore, I do believe that it is the same in this situation. I wouldn't take that from my mother because I wouldn't give it out personally, I would never say that to someone and I don't think that anyone else should.
I think the original posters feelings about this girl is much more important that the mothers. The original poster is the one that is going out with her, there must be a reason why they are together, therefore she can't be all bad. If this girl makes the original poster happy, why stand in the way of that? You shouldn't. Thats how I see things, everyone will have different opinions on it and thats mine. You don't have to agree with me, I just think that in this situation that the original poster deserves to be happy and if this girl makes them happy then the mother should leave them to it. She shouldnt stand in the way of their happiness.
Reply 17
I honestly don't think that was fair, as much as she is entitled to her own opinion, she could have expressed it in a better way. I would be upset and annoyed if someone did that to me.
I am someone who keeps everything seperate, my family life and my relationships. Who im with, in my opinion, has nothing to do with my mother because it's my relationship and part of growing up is making mistakes. We need to be left to do our own thing and make her own mistakes. It's experience, it might be good and it might be bad but it makes us who we are.
Maybe the original posters mother would benifit from getting to know the girlfriend a little better? See what she is really like and then, she can see if her opinion changes. No matter what happens, the original poster deserves to be happy and if they are happy with this girl then their mother should be happy for them.
I am someone who keeps everything seperate, my family life and my relationships. Who im with, in my opinion, has nothing to do with my mother because it's my relationship and part of growing up is making mistakes. We need to be left to do our own thing and make her own mistakes. It's experience, it might be good and it might be bad but it makes us who we are.
Maybe the original posters mother would benifit from getting to know the girlfriend a little better? See what she is really like and then, she can see if her opinion changes. No matter what happens, the original poster deserves to be happy and if they are happy with this girl then their mother should be happy for them.
Reply 18
Anonymous
I think it's the fact that she is really confident, and talks alot (which is surely a good thing) and also helps her self to things in the house, and stuff like that. My mum is a bit house proud, but i don't see that as a way to hate her surely?
.
.
There's your answer right there... your mum doesn't like her rummaging in her cupboards and things.. it is kind of bad manners to do that in someone else's house anyway.
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