Chistmas will suck.

My parents divorced a couple of years ago, and until this year were on good speaking terms. My Dad would still come over for dinner sometimes, and we were still a family.

Anyway, they had a massive argument this year so now they're not speaking. Mum wants nothing to do with him and refuses to invite his for xmas dinner. Now I've never had a Christmas without my Dad and he's never been alone for one. It's usually a huge family thing.

Unfortunately my Dad has cancer, but won't tell my Mum because he feels it's none of her business and they don't talk anymore. Mum effectively hates him so refuses to even talk about him.

I don't like the thought of my Dad being alone on Christmas when it could be one of the last ones he's around for. :frown:

I feel like ****.

Reply 1

aleathiel

I know how you feel, I lost my dad to cancer and this will be my first christmas without him. It's your right to spend christmas with him and he shouldnt have to be alone. No matter how she feels about him she shouldnt stop the two of you from seeing each other, that's not on! She should put her own feelings aside and let you spend time with him. :hugs:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Even if she did, and she invited him he would turn her down. My Dad doesn't have any family left on his side so Christmas is with my Mums side and he's really burned all his bridges with all of them.

I'll still go and see him, but my Mum will no doubt moan about it. It's just the thought of him having no family, not seeing his kids open presents, no big dinner, etc etc. :frown:

Reply 3

yawn

You really should not be put in this position since their divorce is not your fault in any way and yet you are being left to carry the burden.

Tell them both that you want to spend time with both of them and if they can't compromise to allow this then just do your own thing.

If that is spending the day with your dad then so be it.

They are both being very selfish and self-concerned. Get angry with them instead of directing their anger into yourself and making you sad. It will help you cope better as well as anything else. :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

That is very true. I'm the eldest of my parents kids, so I'm left with a lot to deal with. If they want to tell each other things they do it through me. So Dad will ring me and tell me to tell my Mum something, or vice versa. If one is annoyed at the other, I'm the one who gets called and has to listen to the bad mouthing.

I will spend time with them both, despite what that say. However it doesn't stop it feeling like Christmas just has no point. I can't divide myself in two so at some point my Dad will be alone, or my Mum will. :frown:

Reply 5

aleathiel

that's a heck of a lot of pressure to put upon you. Is there any way you can sit them down and tell them how you feel about the situation?

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

No I can't because of the amount of personal stuff both of them are going through right now, such as my Dad trying to get better. I don't live at home, so it's hard to talk to them sometimes. I just try and listen to them, but sometimes it feels like I'm the parent. If one of them phones me upset about the other person then it's my 'job' to smooth it all over and say positive things. If one of them has a problem with my siblings then they ring me up and tell me about it and I come up with solutions.

They aren't bad parents, not at all. But I think I've suddenly filled in the void that was left when they split. They used to look to each other for help. now it's me.

Reply 7

Me Me Me

well if worse comes to worse and there is definately no way in hell of your dad coming round, then divide the day between them...like you go to your mums on the night or something and have dinner with your dad, then that way both parents see you. xxx

Reply 8

*the special one*

hang in thier mate

you know something am in the same situaton as you

no joke

Reply 9

Krechie

My mum died in July this year, i can't imagine christmas without her. It's also going to be very tough.
Lots of people will feel like this round christmas, some people hate it because of situations like this. You have to be strong, lots of people will help you through it. :smile:

Reply 10

Sithius

Either go round there on Christmas day or don't. Simple as that really.

Reply 11

FoeGeddaBowDeet

Tell your mum if she doesn't let your dad round you'll be spending xmas with him. Isn't that what you'd really prefer to do anyway? Even if it's not like a good proper christmas, like you said, it may be his last one.

Reply 12

squigaletta

I think you should talk to bothof them, tell your dad it's really upsetting you that he won't be with you on christmas and that you want to make the most of him and have a big family christmas etc. And tell your mum that you miss your dad and really want him to be there and that its really upsetting you etc.

Reply 13

sidi

Your mum has the rest of her family plus your siblings. Go and cook your dad Christmas dinner and spend the day with him. You can have new Year and Boxing Day with your mum but if your dad is ill I would make a special effort for him this year.

Reply 14

hanadeka2002

If it's any consolation I'm going to have an awful Christmas too.

Reply 15

matt@internet

I'm not really sure what to say...
Well firstly, your mum has absolutely no right whatsoever to moan about you wanting to go and see your dad on Christmas Day.
I think you should definitely go and see your dad, as it could be his last Christmas if he doesn't pull through the cancer.
You should talk to you mum about her not inviting him. Tell her you have a right to see both your parents on Christmas, and that Christmas is a time for "goodwill to all men" or is it man? Similarly you should tell your dad that you want to spend Christmas with him and you mum. Do you fear it may be his last? If so tell him this is what you fear.
I think you should try to pursuade him to tell your mum that he has cancer.
If you do manage to get him to come round for Christmas dinner, beg them to be civil to each other, for you and your siblings sake. And get you mum to make sure her family are civil too.
I am sorry about your dad having cancer, I hope he pulls through.

Reply 16

*knowitall*

matt@internet

Tell her you have a right to see both your parents on Christmas, and that Christmas is a time for "goodwill to all men" or is it man?

Of course she has a right to see both her parents at Xmas - but she has to arrange it!

This girl lives away from home - so she's an adult.

Since when to parents have to force themselves to eat a meal with each other because she says so! There's probably too much bitterness between them.

My parents are divorced and as sad as it makes me I would never try to force them into each other's company - it's be a nightmare for us all.

If she has to choose who she spends Xmas with - then she'll have to do just that.

She's grown-up now and her mother no longer has to produce Xmas dinner for her ex-husband - and fanatastic that the mother has done it all these years anyway.

To the OP - go to your dad's and stop trying to make your family whole again - it's not your job and it won't work.