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Was I raped

I'd have to agree. I've never managed to black out on alcohol alone.

could well have been spiked, but I personally have drank so much that I dont remember large parts of the night before. Or like all of it after a certain point. I've done this quite a few times. So it's common with just alcohol too if you drink a lot of it.

Reply 41

slade p

4

Yes he raped you, call the police.

Reply 42

silverbolt

19

Original post by beckaroo7

Not necessarily. If it can be argued she was too drunk to make an informed decision to have sex and consent I think it is considered rape. By the sounds of things she was extremely drunk, and if she was sick on herself, couldn't shower or put herself to bed, I think many would agree that would be considered too drunk to consent

Fair enough, thanks for the clarification.

Original post by young_guns

Frankly, it comes across as a bit rapey when guys tell girls who may have been raped that actually the bar for rape is much higher than it really is

It does? Wow? One misconception is rapey?

Talk about 2+2=5914.

Original post by greeneyedgirl

Nope laws show that if you are too drunk to be able to consent then it is rape. You don't have to have said no, you just have to have been unable to say yes with full knowledge of what that yes means.

Ok cool, I'll remember next time.

In said case I'll amend to yes OP you were raped. However the rest of my first post still applies

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 43

Zechs

14

Original post by Anonymous

I keep going from feeling like oh this is fine and i'll get over it and it was just sex move on and then i just randomly burst into tears and feel absolutely terrible..

to everyone saying i should call the police - i can't do that, im a student and so is he and it might ruin his future and everyone would know about it and people wouldn't see me the same anymore would they and then on top of all that i showered already and was in there a while so there'll be no evidence.. it's my drunken word against his.

So it's alright then that if you think you were raped by him that he then goes and does the same to who knows how many women in future, until one finally has the courage to come forward because you did not want to lose respect in your university social circle? However,if you are not sure perhaps you are right, you should not contact the police.

I am sure police detectives / nurses whoever does this checking have their ways of checking your body for signs of rape/trauma, plus perhaps he has a track history for this ,which can help detectives paint a picture of this guys behaviour which would be in your favour as a victim of a crime.

Fact is the earlier you do get checked up the better.The fact that he said he gave you a shower is very odd though, this is something I remember hearing about in a documentary were a police man serial rapist would make his victims take a shower to remove any trace of evidence, however,even this crafty cop rapist got caught in the end.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 44

Chicken.M.

20

Original post by Anonymous

I keep going from feeling like oh this is fine and i'll get over it and it was just sex move on and then i just randomly burst into tears and feel absolutely terrible..

to everyone saying i should call the police - i can't do that, im a student and so is he and it might ruin his future and everyone would know about it and people wouldn't see me the same anymore would they and then on top of all that i showered already and was in there a while so there'll be no evidence.. it's my drunken word against his.

Well he should have thought about that when he had sex with a girl who couldn't shower herself LOL.

I usually argue that drunken consent = consent. But I mean tipsy level of drunken-ness when you actually have control over your body still lol. Not covered in sick can't shower yourself without assistance drunk.

But ye you should report it to the police but you don't have to take it any further than that if you don't want anyone knowing. If you report it and he does it again with someone else he'l be more likely to be convicted as he has that on his recorded.

Reply 45

Daenerys...

2

He showered you?

WTF

Call the police. Get the criminal behind bars before he catches his next prey.

Reply 46

Zechs

14

Original post by apen610

It is a debate thread though, it's clearly named "Was I raped". What do you expect?

The mod expects people to give constructive fair and thoughtful replies, even if one does not agree that the OP was not raped. I see a lot of posters who do not think she was raped so it's not a case of being controlling here.

I must say though the OP says she blacked out and can't remember a thing, she either drunk way too much or was spiked. I remember being drunk, I was still aware of what was going on around me although I lost control of my body for a while until I sobered up. However,perhaps I was not as drunk as OP or perhaps I simply was not spiked, only detectives can find out.

Reply 47

bittr n swt

3

It probably won't hold up in court as you're not 100% sure what happened but I would advise to speak to a counsellor if you're upset about it.

Reply 48

greeneyedgirl

19

Original post by Anonymous

I keep going from feeling like oh this is fine and i'll get over it and it was just sex move on and then i just randomly burst into tears and feel absolutely terrible..

to everyone saying i should call the police - i can't do that, im a student and so is he and it might ruin his future and everyone would know about it and people wouldn't see me the same anymore would they and then on top of all that i showered already and was in there a while so there'll be no evidence.. it's my drunken word against his.

I know it's scary, but it's your call. Best thing to do is talk to an organisation like Rape Crisis and they will be able to give you good advice. Very few rapes in general get reported to the police so you wouldn't be alone is not wanting to come forward, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't. Yes it might ruin his future, but it might also save a lot of other girls from going through what you've gone through :hugs:

Reply 49

Anonymous #1

OP

its funny. im reading all this and i feel like im reading replies to someone else's thread. like it isn't my thread or something. this whole situation is blowing my mind right now.

Reply 50

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by greeneyedgirl

I know it's scary, but it's your call. Best thing to do is talk to an organisation like Rape Crisis and they will be able to give you good advice. Very few rapes in general get reported to the police so you wouldn't be alone is not wanting to come forward, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't. Yes it might ruin his future, but it might also save a lot of other girls from going through what you've gone through :hugs:

I will think about it definitely. For now, I've got a friend coming over later on to talk about it all and figure out what to do..
Thanks x

Reply 51

greeneyedgirl

19

Original post by Anonymous

I will think about it definitely. For now, I've got a friend coming over later on to talk about it all and figure out what to do..
Thanks x

I think that sounds really good, you need support right now, please always feel free to PM me, I did my undergrad dissertation on the victim blaming that goes on in rape cases so will always be willing to remind you that this wasn't your fault, and you did nothing wrong :hugs:

Reply 52

Kvothe the Arcane

20

It could have been. We don't know what state you were in after you've had a shower. And loss of memory doesn't necessarily mean that you were paralytic.

Here's some guidance from rapecrisis on what to do if you think you've been raped.

Please get some support from friends/family or a helpline if you think you need it. I'm sorry you've had the experience.

Reply 53

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks to everyone giving advice it really has helped so much to have that support xx
To anyone who reads this. Please listen. If you're out and you're drinking and you can feel that you've passed your limit, STAY with your friends no matter what, i don't care if you have to glue your hand to theirs, stay with them. Don't trust people you've just met - it's too risky. I hope nobody else has to go through this.

Reply 54

icdjabtjk

1

Original post by Anonymous

I will think about it definitely. For now, I've got a friend coming over later on to talk about it all and figure out what to do..
Thanks x

Thats really good youve got a friend to talk to about it. I hope you're alright. And yeah I hope you get up the courage to tell someone about it as well because think of him waiting in clubs, looking for other really drunk girls to take home. It is better to stop him as soon as you can. But for now just take your time and talk to your friend I hope you're alright.