Feeling a bit down at being a 21yo guy that's never been on a date Watch

ilikebacon93
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
Hi everyone, sorry about the depressing post- I'm having a **** day and maybe some love advice would be nice.
As the title says, I've never been on a date with a girl or met a girl that I liked and liked me back.
I'm a very kind, friendly guy (I have lots of good male friends, and 2 good female), I'm quite smart (I work as a PhD researcher) and I'm fun- I have a good sense of humour (I do make rude jokes but I tone it down around girls) and I tend to be OK at making friends with girls but they always seem to only see me as a friend. I’m a bit skinnier than average due to illnesses but I’m athletic and ‘ripped’, and I’m always getting bigger, and I’m of average (maybe slightly taller height). I don’t have a handsome face but I have been called cute before.
There's a really sweet girl I see once every occasionally (once per month) when I'm out with my friends and I like her, but I think she still likes her ex (whom cheated on her, has a gf and broke up with he rover a year ago) which makes me feel less interested. I have her number and we organised and went on a night out with a large group of our friends recently- she said we should do it again but when I asked her to come out with a smaller group of friends she didn’t reply for over a day, said OK, then later said she’s already going on a night out at that time- I take it she’s not that desperate to hang out so probably isn’t that interested. It was her that wanted me to come out at first and offered me her number to hang out, and tells me how sweet I am etc but clearly she’s either seeing me purely as a friend or is hot and cold.
I just find it difficult to find a girl I like, who likes me whom I could go on a date with.
I do get hit on occasionally, and I am capable of pulling girls in nightclubs etc (although I never have and probably never will) but these are desperate, slutty girls that basically hit on my friends and work their way down to me. I have only ever kissed a girl once when I was 17, and with my close female friend who had just broken up and we were both drunk.
I would only want to kiss or have a sex with a girl if I liked her, but I never get the chance to know a girl well since I don’t get to find a nice girl that likes me. I would ideally like to meet a nice girl, be friends, hang out, date, like her, then kiss her etc since I would feel wrong about kissing a girl I don’t care about.
I find I hard to find a girl whom I think is nice and could hang out with and be friends, then date. I have close female friends whom I can hang out with easily, the other girls I make friends with are just casual friends I hang out with in a large group.
I generally look for a girl who is cute, kind, sweet and doesn’t have major personality issues (i.e no drama queens or still liking her douchebag ex).
Is it me? Am I not trying hard enough or am I looking for too much?
0
reply
shawn_o1
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#2
Report 4 years ago
#2
if you're not willing to accept your situation and get on with life, I fear you'll be posting this over and over again
1
reply
ilikebacon93
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#3
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#3
(Original post by shawn_o1)
if you're not willing to accept your situation and get on with life, I fear you'll be posting this over and over again
Thanks, I was maybe hoping for some specific advice, but you're right probably the best thing would be to man up and be happy with what I have. Sometimes I gotta just man up lol
0
reply
yunesmm
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#4
Report 4 years ago
#4
I don't know how to help. But maybe this would make you feel better, I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM!!! I'm also 21 i'll be working on my masters then PhD starting next year. Never even kissed a girl. You are not alone and I think we should just wait for the cute, kind, sweet girl who doesn’t have major personality issues Cheers
0
reply
ilikebacon93
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#5
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#5
(Original post by yunesmm)
I don't know how to help. But maybe this would make you feel better, I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM!!! I'm also 21 i'll be working on my masters then PhD starting next year. Never even kissed a girl. You are not alone and I think we should just wait for the cute, kind, sweet girl who doesn’t have major personality issues Cheers
Thanks, it's nice to know I'm not alone
0
reply
HuggleyDuck
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#6
Report 4 years ago
#6
Don't freak out about it, you're only 21. You have your whole life ahead of you. Maybe try online dating if you don't want to wait for someone to come along.
0
reply
ilikebacon93
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#7
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#7
(Original post by HuggleyDuck)
Don't freak out about it, you're only 21. You have your whole life ahead of you. Maybe try online dating if you don't want to wait for someone to come along.
This sounds really weird but I find online dating a bit creepy, and I feel people judge mostly on appearance. I would really orefer to meet a girl and get to know her a bit first.
I also think it's matbe a bit desperate- I don't want to be deperate as it affects judgement.
1
reply
HuggleyDuck
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#8
Report 4 years ago
#8
(Original post by ilikebacon93)
This sounds really weird but I find online dating a bit creepy, and I feel people judge mostly on appearance. I would really orefer to meet a girl and get to know her a bit first.
I also think it's matbe a bit desperate- I don't want to be deperate as it affects judgement.
Fair enough, maybe try to widen your social circle by taking up a new hobby and joining a class? That way you'll meet peopel with a shared interest and even if it doesn't turn into something romantic they'll still be new friend.
0
reply
miser
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#9
Report 4 years ago
#9
It sounds far from a hopeless situation. I think if most girls you're interested in see you as just a friend, the problem might be that you aren't clear early on enough that you are interested in being more than that. How are you with flirting with girls? I think if you flirt early on with a girl, you'll be much less likely to be seen as just a friend.
1
reply
ilikebacon93
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#10
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#10
(Original post by HuggleyDuck)
Fair enough, maybe try to widen your social circle by taking up a new hobby and joining a class? That way you'll meet peopel with a shared interest and even if it doesn't turn into something romantic they'll still be new friend.
Yeah that sounds good. I'm a really busy guy but I'll try and make time.
My current hobbies are powerlifting, football and MMA which are very male dominated interests. Maybe I should try something more balanced- I like music a lot and play an instrument so maybe something like that.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#11
Report 4 years ago
#11
I know how you're feeling, OP, because I've been in the same boat before. By the time I turned twenty-one I've never had a relationship before. I've been in love with a couple of guys for a few years who never returned my feelings. A few people asked me out, but I turned all of them down because I felt I'd only want to be with this one person I was in love with. I felt I'd never be in a relationship, because this ONE AND ONLY person I wanted to be with refused to love me! :mad:

Further into my twenty-first year I decided to get over this guy and give other people a chance. And voila! Along came this wonderful guy and we've been together since.

What I'm saying is that relationships depend on a lot of factors, mostly circumstances rather than your looks and personality. I mean, how many times in your life have you been truly in love, and how often can you expect another girl to be in love with you out of the blue? However, I think you can ask to hang out with girls individually and casually. She doesn't have to be someone you have feelings for - someone you get along with would be a good starting point. It might turn out that (like in my case) you like her more than you'd expected.
0
reply
HuggleyDuck
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#12
Report 4 years ago
#12
(Original post by ilikebacon93)
Yeah that sounds good. I'm a really busy guy but I'll try and make time.
My current hobbies are powerlifting, football and MMA which are very male dominated interests. Maybe I should try something more balanced- I like music a lot and play an instrument so maybe something like that.
Maybe an orchestra? Or if you are still in Uni there are probably lots of societies for musicians.
0
reply
ilikebacon93
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#13
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#13
(Original post by miser)
It sounds far from a hopeless situation. I think if most girls you're interested in see you as just a friend, the problem might be that you aren't clear early on enough that you are interested in being more than that. How are you with flirting with girls? I think if you flirt early on with a girl, you'll be much less likely to be seen as just a friend.
I agree with this- I don't really flirt with girls at all. I kinda think that I like to talk to a girl in a friendly way to get to know her, since if I don't know her how do I know if I like her?
The problem is if I get to know her she might just see me as a friend, but if I don't I might not know if I like her.
It's a catch 22
0
reply
ilikebacon93
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#14
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
I know how you're feeling, OP, because I've been in the same boat before. By the time I turned twenty-one I've never had a relationship before. I've been in love with a couple of guys for a few years who never returned my feelings. A few people asked me out, but I turned all of them down because I felt I'd only want to be with this one person I was in love with. I felt I'd never be in a relationship, because this ONE AND ONLY person I wanted to be with refused to love me! :mad:

Further into my twenty-first year I decided to get over this guy and give other people a chance. And voila! Along came this wonderful guy and we've been together since.

What I'm saying is that relationships depend on a lot of factors, mostly circumstances rather than your looks and personality. I mean, how many times in your life have you been truly in love, and how often can you expect another girl to be in love with you out of the blue? However, I think you can ask to hang out with girls individually and casually. She doesn't have to be someone you have feelings for - someone you get along with would be a good starting point. It might turn out that (like in my case) you like her more than you'd expected.
Thanks, that's an extremely thoughtful and insightful reply. I'll keep this in mind
0
reply
ilikebacon93
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#15
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#15
(Original post by HuggleyDuck)
Maybe an orchestra? Or if you are still in Uni there are probably lots of societies for musicians.
yeah I'll look into it, I don't have much spare time currently but I'll check it out and try to fit something in.
0
reply
ilovedrinking
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#16
Report 4 years ago
#16
(Original post by ilikebacon93)
Hi everyone, sorry about the depressing post- I'm having a **** day and maybe some love advice would be nice.
As the title says, I've never been on a date with a girl or met a girl that I liked and liked me back.
I'm a very kind, friendly guy (I have lots of good male friends, and 2 good female), I'm quite smart (I work as a PhD researcher) and I'm fun- I have a good sense of humour (I do make rude jokes but I tone it down around girls) and I tend to be OK at making friends with girls but they always seem to only see me as a friend. I’m a bit skinnier than average due to illnesses but I’m athletic and ‘ripped’, and I’m always getting bigger, and I’m of average (maybe slightly taller height). I don’t have a handsome face but I have been called cute before.
There's a really sweet girl I see once every occasionally (once per month) when I'm out with my friends and I like her, but I think she still likes her ex (whom cheated on her, has a gf and broke up with he rover a year ago) which makes me feel less interested. I have her number and we organised and went on a night out with a large group of our friends recently- she said we should do it again but when I asked her to come out with a smaller group of friends she didn’t reply for over a day, said OK, then later said she’s already going on a night out at that time- I take it she’s not that desperate to hang out so probably isn’t that interested. It was her that wanted me to come out at first and offered me her number to hang out, and tells me how sweet I am etc but clearly she’s either seeing me purely as a friend or is hot and cold.
I just find it difficult to find a girl I like, who likes me whom I could go on a date with.
I do get hit on occasionally, and I am capable of pulling girls in nightclubs etc (although I never have and probably never will) but these are desperate, slutty girls that basically hit on my friends and work their way down to me. I have only ever kissed a girl once when I was 17, and with my close female friend who had just broken up and we were both drunk.
I would only want to kiss or have a sex with a girl if I liked her, but I never get the chance to know a girl well since I don’t get to find a nice girl that likes me. I would ideally like to meet a nice girl, be friends, hang out, date, like her, then kiss her etc since I would feel wrong about kissing a girl I don’t care about.
I find I hard to find a girl whom I think is nice and could hang out with and be friends, then date. I have close female friends whom I can hang out with easily, the other girls I make friends with are just casual friends I hang out with in a large group.
I generally look for a girl who is cute, kind, sweet and doesn’t have major personality issues (i.e no drama queens or still liking her douchebag ex).
Is it me? Am I not trying hard enough or am I looking for too much?
I'm just 1 year your senior mate. And whilst I've had a few one night stands, I've never ever had a girlfriend. Truth be told though, It wouldn't suit a bloke like me, (heavy drinker, short nasty temper, emotionally quite cold) Fully admit my character flaws. I've accepted a long time ago, I'll probably be alone for a long time if not the rest of my life. One of those things mate.

To be honest I wouldn't let it worry you. Don't let birds dictate to your life man, hit the gym, go on the drinking sessions with your mates, chill out and relax

all the best dude.
0
reply
Yeah dude
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#17
Report 4 years ago
#17
Just enjoy yourself and have fun, keep doing what you're doing and eventually a girl will see you living your life to the fullest and she'll realise that you're not like everyone else, then its in your hands good luck dude


Posted from TSR Mobile
0
reply
ilikebacon93
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#18
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#18
(Original post by ilovedrinking)
I'm just 1 year your senior mate. And whilst I've had a few one night stands, I've never ever had a girlfriend. Truth be told though, It wouldn't suit a bloke like me, (heavy drinker, short nasty temper, emotionally quite cold) Fully admit my character flaws. I've accepted a long time ago, I'll probably be alone for a long time if not the rest of my life. One of those things mate.

To be honest I wouldn't let it worry you. Don't let birds dictate to your life man, hit the gym, go on the drinking sessions with your mates, chill out and relax

all the best dude.
Thanks very much, that;s an awesome reply. I hit the gym hard and I like getting a drinking session with my friends. I'll keep on having fun and doing what I love.

(Original post by Yeah dude)
Just enjoy yourself and have fun, keep doing what you're doing and eventually a girl will see you living your life to the fullest and she'll realise that you're not like everyone else, then its in your hands good luck dude
Thanks for the kind words
0
reply
LTG
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#19
Report 4 years ago
#19
Be aware of the energy you are giving off, make sure you come across confident and not some nice guy that isn't 'relationship material'.
0
reply
averagenerdykid
Badges: 4
Rep:
?
#20
Report 4 years ago
#20
(Original post by LTG)
Be aware of the energy you are giving off, make sure you come across confident and not some nice guy that isn't 'relationship material'.
how would I do this?
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Why wouldn't you turn to teachers if you were being bullied?

They might tell my parents (23)
6.82%
They might tell the bully (33)
9.79%
I don't think they'd understand (51)
15.13%
It might lead to more bullying (128)
37.98%
There's nothing they could do (102)
30.27%

Watched Threads

View All