How can I help her?

My friend's not ever had an easy life. She lost her mother when she was very young due to an illness which she herself suffers from. She doesn't see her father often. He left after her mother died. She used to self harm when she was bullied at school - she's almost lost the confident young woman that I know she is.

I think it was her insecurities that led her to be wooed by someone so fall of false hopes and who only used her to satisfy his sexual whims. She lost her virginity to him. I'm so sorry that she had to find out the hard way. She intimated to me that she's now very embittered about all of the male species. Despite this, she's been moving between different guys a lot. I couldn't see her hurt again. She's such a lovely person. She deserves so much more.

She has acted a bit of character around me recently. She'll keep saying "I've been with x guys this month" and she once showed me her breasts and said "they're better than your's". That was ever so disconcerting.. :s-smilie:

I really want her to get back to how she was before. She is confusing me and I feel so useless because I don't think there is much I can do to make her feel better, when I know she is hurting. :frown:

Reply 1

username47781

Somehow you got to convince her she needs help because clearly her past is really affecting her, trouble is she may admit oh nothing is wrong.

Reply 2

dh00001

talk to her. explain why youre concerned about her etc. but be careful she might not think shes changed and may react badly

Reply 3

joz12345

just be there to pick up the peices when things go wrong for her theres not much else u can do , with out probably losing her friendship.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Well firstly, well done for being such a fantastic friend and actually caring. I wish I'd had a good friend like you to show me the light when I was having troubles similar to your friend's.

I think her obsession with guys is a self-esteem thing. When such traumatic things happen it is natural for a person to try anything in order to gain self-esteem, for your friend it's moving between different guys.

All you can really do is assure her that you're there for her. Has she ever seen a counsellor? She needs to learn to talk to someone about how she's feeling and accept the fact that she needs help. It's a delicate situation and I'm sure you don't want to antagonise her, but perhaps you could write a letter detailing all the things that have changed about her and expressing how worried you are. She's letting all the pain and anger inside of her build up and this is self-destructive.

Reply 5

Lucia.

Thanks so much for the advice everyone.

I have spoken to her a few times but I don't know what she's feeling. I think she's reluctant to open up. I just said that I'd be there for her always if ever she needs me and I've tried to give her space. I don't want to charge in and tell her what she needs to do for fear of appearing self-righteous.

I do think she's in denial. She was sexually molested once, yet she had told me it didn't bother her.

I guess I'll have to talk to her again but I don't want to be pushy.

Reply 6

Lucia.

Anonymous

Has she ever seen a counsellor?

I don't think she has but I think she might be too ashamed to.

Thanks for your help

Reply 7

username47781

It's likely she is in denial, she might say it's nothing but deep down it's haunting her when she got molested. Now with all the guys shes going off with as the others said she's doing it because she needs attention.

Reply 8

Lucia.

Thank you Carl1982,

I feel so bad because I can't help her :frown:

Yes, it looks like the answer was right there. All I have to do is talk her again. I can't believe I didn't realise this before. How silly is that? :s-smilie:

I just hope I can be diplomatic and not make her feel worse.