Long distance relationship dilema.. Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 years ago
#1
I have been going out with my boyfriend for about a year now and it has been going really well, and we do currently have a long distance relationship as we live over 50 miles apart. However we make it work and luckily train fares aren't too expensive or lengthy so I can see him most weekends. But I am already worrying about what to do about university..
I am going to be studying at Nottingham (hopefully) and he
will be in Plymouth. Originally I never wanted a long distance relationship at uni, but I decided to give it a go. However I have now found out that a return train fare costs at least £90 usually (with a railcard) and national express bus is cheaper but would take over 9 hours! SO I just don't see how it'll work..

Does anyone have any experience/advice on long distance uni relationships? Do they ever really work?
My head is saying one thing and my heart is saying another. Any help would be much appreciated
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aligbutt
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#2
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Hi, to be honest, it all depends on both of you. If you guys are really committed to each other then somehow it will work out. yes, it will be hard for both of you, but again, if you are willing to put an extra effort in your relationship believe me it will pay you in the end and will make your relationship even more stronger. Keep talking to each other as you do normally,taking some time out for each other no matter how busy you are will keep your relationship going. I myself is currently is in a long distance relationship, you two are lucky that u live in same country,however, we live in different countries from the past 4 months and our relationship is just getting stronger day by day. Actually, this will be a test for both of you. Hope, You two stay connected with each other forever despite all these TEMPORARY hurdles. Be honest, be true to each other and enjoy every moment! True love does exist and it feels different! Best of luck
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Juicy J
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Of course it can work, absolutely no reason why it shouldn't. It only works if both people are one hundred percent behind it. If either one of you starts to worry about the distance or about nor being able to see each other as much...that is when problems arise, it could lead to the breakdown of a relationship.

If you're truly in love, if you truly want to be with one another, no amount of distance can come in the way of that. Even if you're only able to meet up every few weeks. It would help you to learn how to drive, I know that sounds like a drastic step. Ask yourself this question, are you willing to sacrifice a few years of your life for this person? Do you see a future for you two together? Is this a serious relationship that has the potential to go all the way, or is it something temporary? In a long distance relationship, it's really painful being apart from your partner but you keep going because you don't ever see yourself losing them or not having them in your life, that's what keeps it going.

I was in a long distance relationship and it wasn't that bad. I didn't let my life revolve around her, I was free to get on with my life and I was free to see other girls as much as I wanted to. Whenever I had the chance, I would drive a very long distance to go to see her and it got easier as the months passed by. The point is, being in a long distance relationship shouldn't restrict you or cause you much pain, you're still able to have other sexual partners (as I did when I was in a relationship) and you can get on with your life without making one person the centre of your universe.

It all depends on how serious you are about this relationship, and whether you're both equally serious. If you have a shadow of a doubt, then it will drive a wedge between you. If you don't work hard to keep the relationship going, it will break down. Distance/separation isn't the only issue here, it's about dedication and commitment.

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fallen_acorns
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my wife is currently in china. now that is distance.

- but yeah, echo what the above posters said.. it can work, but only if you two are completly committed to it.

Must admit that uni is a tricky time for LDR though.. as during your first year there you will meet so many people, and potentilaly have such an exciting time away from each other, that it does make it really hard. Also the time, 3 years of not bieng able to properly be with each other? its a hell of a long time for a new-ish relationship
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Juicy J)
Of course it can work, absolutely no reason why it shouldn't. It only works if both people are one hundred percent behind it. If either one of you starts to worry about the distance or about nor being able to see each other as much...that is when problems arise, it could lead to the breakdown of a relationship.

If you're truly in love, if you truly want to be with one another, no amount of distance can come in the way of that. Even if you're only able to meet up every few weeks. It would help you to learn how to drive, I know that sounds like a drastic step. Ask yourself this question, are you willing to sacrifice a few years of your life for this person? Do you see a future for you two together? Is this a serious relationship that has the potential to go all the way, or is it something temporary? In a long distance relationship, it's really painful being apart from your partner but you keep going because you don't ever see yourself losing them or not having them in your life, that's what keeps it going.

I was in a long distance relationship and it wasn't that bad. I didn't let my life revolve around her, I was free to get on with my life and I was free to see other girls as much as I wanted to. Whenever I had the chance, I would drive a very long distance to go to see her and it got easier as the months passed by. The point is, being in a long distance relationship shouldn't restrict you or cause you much pain, you're still able to have other sexual partners (as I did when I was in a relationship) and you can get on with your life without making one person the centre of your universe.

It all depends on how serious you are about this relationship, and whether you're both equally serious. If you have a shadow of a doubt, then it will drive a wedge between you. If you don't work hard to keep the relationship going, it will break down. Distance/separation isn't the only issue here, it's about dedication and commitment.

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Was it an open relationship then if you were able to sleep with other people? I think that something like that would be more suited to me, but I know my bf would never agree to it. So it leads me to the decision of wondering if I should break up with him or cheat - neither of which I want to do. I know that makes me sound like I don't love him or take the relationship seriously, which I do, I just personally more at home having casual sex than being in a relationship.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Juicy J)
Of course it can work, absolutely no reason why it shouldn't. It only works if both people are one hundred percent behind it. If either one of you starts to worry about the distance or about nor being able to see each other as much...that is when problems arise, it could lead to the breakdown of a relationship.

If you're truly in love, if you truly want to be with one another, no amount of distance can come in the way of that. Even if you're only able to meet up every few weeks. It would help you to learn how to drive, I know that sounds like a drastic step. Ask yourself this question, are you willing to sacrifice a few years of your life for this person? Do you see a future for you two together? Is this a serious relationship that has the potential to go all the way, or is it something temporary? In a long distance relationship, it's really painful being apart from your partner but you keep going because you don't ever see yourself losing them or not having them in your life, that's what keeps it going.

I was in a long distance relationship and it wasn't that bad. I didn't let my life revolve around her, I was free to get on with my life and I was free to see other girls as much as I wanted to. Whenever I had the chance, I would drive a very long distance to go to see her and it got easier as the months passed by. The point is, being in a long distance relationship shouldn't restrict you or cause you much pain, you're still able to have other sexual partners (as I did when I was in a relationship) and you can get on with your life without making one person the centre of your universe.

It all depends on how serious you are about this relationship, and whether you're both equally serious. If you have a shadow of a doubt, then it will drive a wedge between you. If you don't work hard to keep the relationship going, it will break down. Distance/separation isn't the only issue here, it's about dedication and commitment.

Posted from TSR Mobile
Was it an open relationship then if you were able to sleep with other people? I think that something like that would be more suited to me, but I know my bf would never agree to it. So it leads me to the decision of wondering if I should break up with him or cheat - neither of which I want to do. I know that makes me sound like I don't love him or take the relationship seriously, which I do, I just personally more at home having casual sex than being in a relationship.
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Anonymous #1
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That said though I do like him and enjoy being with him. I guess I just feel too young to be in such a serious relationship, I feel like this is the time to be going out having fun and experimenting with different people. Not already feeling like i'm in a married relationship..
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hs1var19
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I live in Leeds and my girlfriend lives in Utrecht in the Netherlands. We see each other once every 3 months and were turning a year together this June. Occasionally we miss physical contact with each other but you'll grow out of it and get used to it.
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Juicy J
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Was it an open relationship then if you were able to sleep with other people? I think that something like that would be more suited to me, but I know my bf would never agree to it. So it leads me to the decision of wondering if I should break up with him or cheat - neither of which I want to do. I know that makes me sound like I don't love him or take the relationship seriously, which I do, I just personally more at home having casual sex than being in a relationship.
Of course for me it was an open relationship (always is) but I knew she was against that so I didn't tell her, most girls aren't happy for their boyfriend to have sex with other women. I don't think it matters, the most important thing is you take care of your partner and cater to their needs, whatever happens and whatever you do, don't forget about them. And that's what I did, I visited her almost every week and we spent time together and we were very close, I kept her happy for a while despite the distance. I put so much effort into her and into the relationship because she was always my best girl and I was very serious about her. Which is why I believe a long distance relationship can work, but only if you're prepared to make sacrifices and dedicate time and go through some pain (the pain of being apart).

You say you to more suited to you, so you really shouldn't stop yourself from doing what you want to be. Women have needs too, doesn't make sense to restrict yourself. You can still be in a relationship with your boyfriend, he doesn't have to find out because you'll be living far away form him. You can still have sex with other guys at uni, just as long as you make sure you take care of him too (if you do decide to stay in a relationship with him, it's all up to you). I definitely understand what you mean about casual sex, I'm exactly the same way. Even when I was with my girlfriend, I still needed sex from other women when she wasn't available, it's very difficult to go for a week without sex, especially as it was a long distance thing so I only saw her once every week or two. But it's not cheating, it's simply you satisfying your needs and doing what you want to do. You're a free woman.

You don't have to break up with him, if you love him and you're serious about the relationship, then you'll find a way to make an effort. You can (and should) have casual sex, doesn't make sense to stop yourself. He doesn't have to find out, and he won't. You don't have to see him every week, you can meet up whenever you feel the time is right. It can definitely work. Sort it out in your head, decide whether it's good for you to stay in a relationship and whether it's good for him to be with you. If you're both happy then that's all that matters. Forget what anyone tells you, do what you feel is right for you.
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Juicy J
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That said though I do like him and enjoy being with him. I guess I just feel too young to be in such a serious relationship, I feel like this is the time to be going out having fun and experimenting with different people. Not already feeling like i'm in a married relationship..
I think this says it all. Sounds like you'd be better off to enjoy your freedom and get on with your life without being tied down to someone at a young age. Makes sense to me.
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Acciara
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I've been in a long distance for a little under a year now, and I won't lie it's been pretty tough. My girlfriend is in Bristol and I am in Prague (I took a gap year because I wasn't sure what I wanted to study), luckily my parents are quite comfortable and I found a good challenging job so I was able to fly to her once every 3 weeks (more or less) for a weekend. If you really really love this person then you can do it, but LDR is not for all people, if you want to sleep around it's most likely not going to work, but if you believe in your future together then it should be fine. It also gets much easier with time, by now it doesn't even bother me that much. I never got anywhere close to cheating on her, and the opportunity did present itself, but I just knew that it'd be stupid and would just result in me feeling horrible. To sum this up, LDR can work if you're committed, and you love the person, you can't half-ass it (open relationships/the occasional makeout/etc.).
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