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    I'm sorry but I have to get this out somewhere and this is the only place I can think of as it is to do with mental health and university so I was a little bit stuck on where I needed to post. This is a letter I've written and not posted because of anxiety to my university of last year [I didn't even start the course].

    I'm getting more and more anxious as time goes on about returning to university because of the way they treated me, I am finally at a point where I'm okay in myself and think going back would ruin that. They did so much stuff wrong its unbelievable, they said that they could provide support to me and they've won awards for their support systems apparently, however, when I got there I had no support in place.


    They said I'd get a mentor and a orientation guide due to my NVLD but that didn't happen for three weeks and even then I didn't get on with my mentor as she didn't listen to me. Add in that they didn't seem to understand or hear what I was saying or that they misinterpreted all I said and it made me feel so disgusted with them and myself. These people just don't communicate.


    I know I'm not perfect and I made some pretty big mistakes when I was there but at least I know that and understand what I did was wrong they don't seem to want to admit to anything that they did or say that anything that they did was wrong they just 'pass the book' as it were, instead of admitting that they were wrong.


    At first I told the university everything in confidence and the wardens as they promised that it wouldn't be told to anyone except in extra special circumstances which I totally understand and I am okay with that but no one told me that they were going to tell my parents.


    The information that I told these people were things that I had not told my mother or daddy as my friend (who is a trained social worker) dealt with supporting me with these issues as I felt more comfortable with telling her and the reason being is that when all these issues arose my dad was drinking and thus I couldn't talk to him.


    When I told university I thought I was 'safe' as its not there job to tell my mum and dad and I've said it was the first thing that I'd said was that I'd not told my mum and dad this stuff and that I didn't want them to know as I've dealt with it fine with just my friends help so far and the only reason I'm talking to them now about it is so that they know.


    However, these people went behind my back and told my parents without my knowledge and that meant that I got into trouble which to me is really silly as if they had just listened to me and understood what was going on they wouldn't have had to tell my mum and dad.


    Also during my first week at university I got appointed a disability worker who I didn't get along with and if I don't get a long with someone I do not corporate with them as they stress me out and make things more difficult for me as I cannot work with people who make me unhappy I've been that way for years. I asked for a different disability worker (under advice of my morher) and it wasn't available for me.


    While I'm at this if I'd had the choice I would have asked for a different mentor as well as the one I had for my time at university was very frustrating to me and without being disrespectful of her my opinion of her wee that she spoke like a robot (she was very monotone), she didn't feel as though she was very bubbly, her personality was just flat, she did not feel supportive just anxiety making and whilst that works for some people it doesn't work for me I need to have support workers who are bubbly, energetic, understanding and treat me with respect and dignity not like I'm an idiot or sound patronisung .


    Things were also not explained in a way that was understandable to me, I was not prepared for anything, I didn't get a warning about the changes that were going to occur, when we had to meet our tutors I got no warning that I wouldnt have support that week to explain the situation or myself to staff and why it was going to be difficult for me, I got split up from two friends whom I'd made previously on a Facebook page earlier that year one of whin has asperger syndrome so understood a lot of what I was struggling with on a daily basis.


    As I understand it my friends that I'd made there at the CU were worried about me as were the wardens which I understand when they were the ones who would have to support me through the suicidal thoughts and taking potential methods off me.


    The reasons behind the suicidal thoughts were because I was scared, alone, isolated, wanted somewhere safe to be so I could sleep (my flat mates were lovely but they're so noisy and kept me up) as when I've slept I'm much more stable and so much less anxious so I don't make as many mistakes or have as many bad scary thoughts.


    Another thing they did was misinturprate a lot of what I said Id told my orientation person (she was lovely they got that right) I told her about my ADHD and about how that can mean that I run out of energy quicker than most people as I cannot or struggle to sit still I'm continually moving myself about or have to have things in my hands.


    This was explained by myself in a way which I know can make little sense or misinterpreted by most people is that I "crash" which to me means my levels of energy go down, I get dizzy and see spots because I'm hungry, tired and stressed. We often ended up out of lectures becausei got bored, hungry or couldn't sit still. The university people (and I believe what my friends thought too) took what I said as I was dieabetic (I'm not I dont think) and then questioned my mother instead of coming to me first.



    During my time at university I was very vulnerable I had little to no support from friends and my family didn't really want me to go there but once I was there they were very supportive. However, I was entitled to support from day one from university and it took for me to be in crisis (phone calls every night in tears to my mother, suicidal thoughts, listening to thepeopleinmyhead and really overwhelmed eventually one night landing myself in A&E)


    Another thing that they asked of me was to go to the doctors after I ended up in A&E to go see a doctor which was completely the wrong thing to do for several reasons, number one being that that doctor would be a complete stranger, the place would be new and different, I would be going on my own which I know for a fact I couldn't do and they didnt listen.


    You see I have autism and its moderate which means for several reasons that doctors appointment would have been useless as I cannot speak to strangers (I go mute), I have limited social skills when anxious, I did not know the place so yet another change to make me anxious all of which is part of my autism. Thus could also mean that I would struggle to tell the second doctor everything without support which I must add in wasn't offered to me the university mental health people said I'd have to go in on my own


    I'm frustrated that I wasn't spoken to before they took action, I'm angry that they didnt take the time to understand and support me before going to my mother about everything and making me feel inadequate, degraded, disabled and stupid.


    They now expect a fitness to study letter from my doctor which is impossible for me to get as the doctors refuse to treat me as I do not currently have a mental health diagnosis so that'll mean no more doctors notes or support and the only reason this is not moving is because even though I've been to a mental health professional many times and had many discussions with doctors soon after the 'real' discussions of a diagnosis my mental health case worker left and I spent three months before starting university waiting for another appointment to get my final diagnosis. It never happened.


    Another thing that they expect is for me to come in for a meeting at some point with the principle of the school and some other people I've never heard of, this is not something I am willing to do due to my autism I cannot speak to strangers and I refuse to be degraded and spoken to like I'm stupid and I have a feeling that is what I believe would happen


    University violated my trust, their own confidentiality rules, my self esteem and my confidence in myself I just felt like a stupid disabled number and that the university only wanted me there so they could bump up there stats of "good support for disabled students" I ended up soon after coming home hiding in my bedroom for three days not participating in any activities, self harming (before university I was 2 years clean) and I refused to speak to anyone even my mum and dad and brother.


    Just an FYI current diagnoses for myself include autism spectrum disorder (condition) Non Verbal Learning Disorder (NVLD), ADHD and Motor Coordination Dysfunction I do not know when or if I will ever get a diagnosis for my mental health issues, also, I do NOT want any of this passed on to my family.
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    I suffer from an ASD myself and I am able to leave my house and return to it whenever I wish, I just steered clear of any circumstance which would land me in trouble (e.g. not carrying a valid ticket while boarding a bus or train). It must be your other diagnoses that are giving you this fear of "strangers", it's not like they're going to do anything bad to you, if anything the internet is a lot more dangerous (and you are communicating with "strangers" by putting all this online y'know)
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    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    I suffer from an ASD myself and I am able to leave my house and return to it whenever I wish, I just steered clear of any circumstance which would land me in trouble (e.g. not carrying a valid ticket while boarding a bus or train). It must be your other diagnoses that are giving you this fear of "strangers", it's not like they're going to do anything bad to you, if anything the internet is a lot more dangerous (and you are communicating with "strangers" by putting all this online y'know)
    I have a few things to say about this statement.

    I) You never suffer with autism it isn't an illness or a disease, it's a neurological condition so you don't suffer with it, you have it yes, and it is part of you but you never suffer with it.

    II) I am not able to do particular things independently and not just because of my autism but also because of my non verbal learning disorder which lowers my orientation skills so I get lost really easily

    III) I do not have a 'fear' of strangers I am anxious around them and dont understand social cues so often struggle to speak to them and you are wrong about not knowing what they could do to me, no one knows if a stranger is a 'good' or a 'bad' stranger and i've met more 'bad' strangers in my life than I have good ones.

    IIII) I put it on here because I just needed a place to get it all out anonymously and not have to have it running about in my head all day and night as it's been keeping me up for a while and I have had significantly less anxiety since putting it down on paper even if the whole internet can see it's not like they know who's typing it or who's written the letter or what university it is about.
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    (Original post by hellokittymad)
    I have a few things to say about this statement.

    I) You never suffer with autism it isn't an illness or a disease, it's a neurological condition so you don't suffer with it, you have it yes, and it is part of you but you never suffer with it.
    I disagree. It may not be an illness or diease; but I do suffer from it too.
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    (Original post by OU Student)
    I disagree. It may not be an illness or diease; but I do suffer from it too.
    Then, you my friend have the wrong kind of mindset
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    (Original post by hellokittymad)
    Then, you my friend have the wrong kind of mindset
    How? You're not me. You have no idea at all how I'm affected at all
 
 
 
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