Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
My boyfriend watches porn, I don't mind at all, we've even tried watching it together, it's not really my thing so I just leave him to it.

However, recently he's been secretive with his phone and iPad, erasing all search history and emails as soon as they come. I didn't think anything of it until one day I went to go on the iPad and he tore it from me, raced to delete the history and then gave me it.

I asked him what he was doing that he didn't want me to see, and he said it was a surprise for me- 4 weeks later still no "surprise".

I asked him last week out of curiosity when was the last time he had watched porn and he said it was a couple of weeks ago. (I knew he was lying as I'd seen it in the history the days before). I wanted to see how far he would go with his lie, he swore black and blue he hadn't, even swore on my life and his newborn niece's. I was obviously hurt at this. When I confronted him, he just tried to laugh it off, told me it wasn't a big deal. I don't care about the porn, I care about the lies.

He's been on on websites like livejasmin.com which when I googled were chat rooms with girls on cam.

i don't understand why he's talking to other girls, when we have sex at least once a day.

i don't mind him masturbating, or watching porn if I'm not around.

am I overreacting? He says I am. The thing is, he doesnt bother deleting the normal porn sites, so what the hell was he watching that's so bad he won't let me anywhere near it.

i don't know what to do, I love him and don't want to break up with him, but he's tearing us apart with his lies, and making it out to be my fault for overreacting. The thing is he's also incredibly jealous, and gets annoyed if I even mention another boys name.
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shawn_o1
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#2
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So he's allowed to be jealous of you talking to other boys while you "don't mind" him talking to other girls? Yep, dump and move
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Anonymous #2
#3
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Yup, he's either talking and camming with other girls, or he's developed a weird fetish he doesn't want you to know about.
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Exon
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He's probably doing something behind your back if OP is correct.
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jammy4041
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#5
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:hugs:

There's a couple of ways in which you can go, and both result in you confronting him. I think that you would have to express your feelings and why it hurts you, but it's going to be difficult as he will think that you don't trust him, especially if it's wrong. You have to be firm and stand your ground, and not be pushed around or taken advantage of.

In his current situation, it seems that he has no real incentive to come clean, especially if he can just watch all the sites he wants, lie to you, and then still have sex with you.

Unfortunately, unless you catch him "in the act," he will think that you're being pushy and mistrustful of him, and of course, in any relationship, that means that the last rites would soon be administered for the relationship, which isn't good.

Ultimately, you have to decide whether there is a future in this relationship for you. I'm sure a lot of guys will still watch porn in relationships, but it's definitely not healthy to lie about it, especially on lives. While I would like to think it's nothing, talking to girls crosses the line and well...in terms of secretive, any thing can happen. Especially when he get's so jealous at you for just mentioning another boy's name.

I think, a heart to heart, would be a good idea, and especially if (when?) you find evidence of him going on to the porn websites/chat room sites. Communicate clearly, that you are not hurt by the porn, but by the lies, and emphasize how hurt you are that he swore on your life and that of your nieces. Maybe ram home the point, "Is lying about watching porn more important than the lives of myself or my niece??"

You have to be firm, and stand your ground. I can't say that it will be easy for you. And, to be honest, it probably will result in a messy breakup, but I suppose it is the point in the relationship where you have to be really firm and send him a message.

You can always pull the "I need some space" card, as you consider your thoughts, I suppose.

Good luck, you will probably need it.
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eskimo_rising
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#6
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#6
(Original post by Anonymous)

am I overreacting? He says I am. The thing is, he doesnt bother deleting the normal porn sites, so what the hell was he watching that's so bad he won't let me anywhere near it.

i don't know what to do, I love him and don't want to break up with him, but he's tearing us apart with his lies, and making it out to be my fault for overreacting. The thing is he's also incredibly jealous, and gets annoyed if I even mention another boys name.
These would all ring alarm bells as far as things to look out for that could indicate the potential for an abusive relationship to develop tbh.

Is he controlling? Are you allowed male friends? That aside I'd run a mile for the lying alone. At the very least i'd take a break.
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squeakysquirrel
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I am guessing he is probably cheating on you. Oh and what is that written across your forehead - yeah - DOORMAT.

Ditch him - it is going to happen sooner or later
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EuellG
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Porn is so overrated, I personally prefer live webcam sites like ChaturbateFreeCams.com
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Princess-Leia
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#9
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend watches porn, I don't mind at all, we've even tried watching it together, it's not really my thing so I just leave him to it.

However, recently he's been secretive with his phone and iPad, erasing all search history and emails as soon as they come. I didn't think anything of it until one day I went to go on the iPad and he tore it from me, raced to delete the history and then gave me it.

I asked him what he was doing that he didn't want me to see, and he said it was a surprise for me- 4 weeks later still no "surprise".

I asked him last week out of curiosity when was the last time he had watched porn and he said it was a couple of weeks ago. (I knew he was lying as I'd seen it in the history the days before). I wanted to see how far he would go with his lie, he swore black and blue he hadn't, even swore on my life and his newborn niece's. I was obviously hurt at this. When I confronted him, he just tried to laugh it off, told me it wasn't a big deal. I don't care about the porn, I care about the lies.

He's been on on websites like livejasmin.com which when I googled were chat rooms with girls on cam.

i don't understand why he's talking to other girls, when we have sex at least once a day.

i don't mind him masturbating, or watching porn if I'm not around.

am I overreacting? He says I am. The thing is, he doesnt bother deleting the normal porn sites, so what the hell was he watching that's so bad he won't let me anywhere near it.

i don't know what to do, I love him and don't want to break up with him, but he's tearing us apart with his lies, and making it out to be my fault for overreacting. The thing is he's also incredibly jealous, and gets annoyed if I even mention another boys name.
viewing porn sites is fine either alone or together, but when it comes to connecting up wit live cam porn and things like that is crossing the line and is wrong, and being secretive deleting the history or covering his tracks on how to hide his history or what he viewed would ring alarm bells, and lying is bad form.
the only one thing possibly saving everything here is the chance that he has developed a fetish or something he is too ashamed to admit to, but he is going to need to come clean if this relationship is to be saved.
next time u mention any of ur male friends names and he gets mad at u tell him to suck it up, whats good for the goose is good for the gander. remind him that u can talk to male friends cos thats all ur doing, not like him going on live web cam porn. fair is fair. like i would not tell my partner i had a problem wit him doing something for me to go do exactly what i dont like him doing. he is being a hypocrite really. you need to stand your ground when u do decide to get this cleared up with him and dont allow him to turn the blame on you
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Anonymous #3
#10
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You said you have sex once a day (lucky boy). Withhold sex until he tells you. If he's horny enough to have sex once a day and still need to spend time on porn sites he wont last long before he gives in, unless he's getting some elsewhere
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Anonymous #4
#11
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#11
Livejasmin is a pop up site that comes up when you visit a porn website, it's really annoying when it keeps popping up
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