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help being open (not shy) watch

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    Hi. I put up a message of me talking about how shy I find myself talking to girls.

    (By the way.. I'm sorry that I'm not a registered member but well, I'd prefer complete anonymity especially with what I'd open to discuss on this board.)

    Anyway. I took someone's advice on being myself and not being too showy and too open. You know myself. Thing is... It's so damn hard. I mean just yesterday I went to a party. And a few girls showed up. I mean it's like the sight of a pretty face that completely blows me away. I mean that's what scares me. I feel all conscious and ****. And if someone asks me a question and I'm aware that they can hear, I started stammering or just completely feel out of place. I really don't know what to do.

    Being myself is being someone open and boisterous and the laugh-out-loud type. But I'm only able to do that with my friends. I mean with people I know. I know that once I meet a girl and get to know her a bit I'd feel a little less shy but it's so god damn hard for me to make that step. I know it sounds pathetic and all. But I have a really REALLY low self-esteem and grasp of what I'm supposed to say or do. (And no, I am not gay!-- not that there's anything wrong with that )

    Anyway... I don't know what else to say.. this is something I really can't talk to with my friends... It's just not. I mean most of my friends are hardasses and they'd have a field day with something like this....

    Anyway. Thanks.. Johnny
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    where r u from unregistered? come up north - we're way more friendly!!
    x o x
    (and no, by that i DO NOT MEAN EASY!)
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    i find best thing is to give them the smile and your sole attention! Smiling is the best thing you can do! Also, talk clearly, im crap at that myself.
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    come up north - we're way more friendly!!
    we southern lassies arn't monsters you know!

    The first thing I notice is that you talk about your own lack in confidence and self esteem. If you wish to be your self and act confident around girls you must first have the confidence in yourself. You must learn to respect yourself and once you feel good about yourself you will feel fine about approaching the woman of your dreams.
    So just remember can only respect the woman once you respect yourself. How you go about this is up to you. Good luck in the future…
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    i actually find it quite sweet if a guy is shy, it makes you feel really special because you know he's making a big effort.

    i used to be really shy with guys, and unless i'm drunk (which definately works) i still am pretty shy. i think you should just go for it if you like a girl + remember everyone gets shy + those who don't are too far up their a***s to be worth bothering with.

    good luck!

    Well Johnny being honest with yourself is the first truth you have to learn. If you can't be honest with yourself then who else can you be honest with, right? And you seem to be on the right track.
    The behaviour with your (guy) friends (loud, boisteous etc) and your shyness with girls are two sides of the same coin. You're a self-consousious young guy who is trying to sort himself out. Nothing wrong with that.
    The loudness is a as much a self-defense as the embarassment.
    Inside of you is a 'movie' of you that has been created during your life. That 'movie' doesn't have a scene in it yet where you meet girls. As you move more into adulthood you have to write more of the scenes yourself. Start writing.
    What is it about the girls that gets you all upset??? Is it something they will say, something you will say or something neither will say?
    Basically you'd like to have sex with them, right. But you're not at that stage yet. But that's all you think about (below the surface, in the back of your mind). Write a script for yourself in which you calmly and confidently get to know these different girls. Sooner or later one of them will be the special one and the movie will start to write itself!

    I don't think that I want to meet girls just to get laid. I mean sure it eats away at my head just like anyone else. I mean we're teenagers anyway. I think I just want to meet someone else... who's more sensitive and less superficial. Someone you can talk to. I mean I've never had a girlfriend before. Hell, I've never had a friend that's a girl before.

    I think I'm afraid of rejection. Also afraid of the embarassement I may put myself through. I know there's something called risk versus reward.. But at the right point, that phrase doesn't seem to click with me anymore. And uhhh... I think... I'm better talking one-on-one... and when I see big crowds, I get the feeling that if I'm turned down, the whole group is going to point out at me and laugh.

    I mean why put yourself through that kind of embarassement. I'm definitely shy. Drinking, sure, gives you the courage but I mean I'm not always going to have a drink in hand. I always thought this kind of shyness is part of life. You know... but it just seems to come easier to others. Just ****in' wish I had that same strength.

    Anyway... thanks.

    Johnny

    Dude, you just need to chill out. Take a step back, and consider how wound up you are getting about it. At the end of the day a girl is just like another guy but with sticking out bits.

    Don't feel like you have to impress her, or only be able to talk about things that she talks about. You shouldn't feel like you have to get her to be physically attracted to you in order for the situ to be a success. Forget all this mess you're getting yourself in and just be how you are! If a girl isn't right for you then just move on.

    I'm forty four and I've had the same problem all my life, even when I drink. I'm truly tired of women telling me that I'm too slow. It's like how can you do something you've been able to do? PS: Four anti-depres together and still no hope.

    i no exactly how u feel johnny. i am 15 n im ded shy. i hav had 1 boyfrend but that was in primary skool and i used 2 b much more confident then. However i am beginning to get over my fear of talkin 2 guys as im gettin to know some as frends, ones i dont fancy and they introduce me 2 their frends.
    Another handy tip is 2 talk 2 the opposite sex over the internet, ie on messenger. They cant see u so u feel much less self conscious...trust me, it works. Hope i hav helped,
    Amy
    xxxx

    PS u sound like a nice guy so be loud n b proud

    (Original post by Unregistered)
    Hi. I put up a message of me talking about how shy I find myself talking to girls.

    (By the way.. I'm sorry that I'm not a registered member but well, I'd prefer complete anonymity especially with what I'd open to discuss on this board.)

    Anyway. I took someone's advice on being myself and not being too showy and too open. You know myself. Thing is... It's so damn hard. I mean just yesterday I went to a party. And a few girls showed up. I mean it's like the sight of a pretty face that completely blows me away. I mean that's what scares me. I feel all conscious and ****. And if someone asks me a question and I'm aware that they can hear, I started stammering or just completely feel out of place. I really don't know what to do.

    Being myself is being someone open and boisterous and the laugh-out-loud type. But I'm only able to do that with my friends. I mean with people I know. I know that once I meet a girl and get to know her a bit I'd feel a little less shy but it's so god damn hard for me to make that step. I know it sounds pathetic and all. But I have a really REALLY low self-esteem and grasp of what I'm supposed to say or do. (And no, I am not gay!-- not that there's anything wrong with that )

    Anyway... I don't know what else to say.. this is something I really can't talk to with my friends... It's just not. I mean most of my friends are hardasses and they'd have a field day with something like this....

    Anyway. Thanks.. Johnny

    Just take a chill pill and calm down, they won't bite you! Why are you scared to approach them and ask them out? Just chill out and don't get so nervous!
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    (Original post by Unregistered)
    I'm forty four and I've had the same problem all my life, even when I drink. I'm truly tired of women telling me that I'm too slow. It's like how can you do something you've been able to do? PS: Four anti-depres together and still no hope.
    Why are you 44 and on a UK learning site?
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    (Original post by picju96)
    Why are you 44 and on a UK learning site?
    Maybe he's a mature student? :confused:
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    (Original post by Unregistered)
    Hi. I put up a message of me talking about how shy I find myself talking to girls.

    (By the way.. I'm sorry that I'm not a registered member but well, I'd prefer complete anonymity especially with what I'd open to discuss on this board.)

    Anyway. I took someone's advice on being myself and not being too showy and too open. You know myself. Thing is... It's so damn hard. I mean just yesterday I went to a party. And a few girls showed up. I mean it's like the sight of a pretty face that completely blows me away. I mean that's what scares me. I feel all conscious and ****. And if someone asks me a question and I'm aware that they can hear, I started stammering or just completely feel out of place. I really don't know what to do.

    Being myself is being someone open and boisterous and the laugh-out-loud type. But I'm only able to do that with my friends. I mean with people I know. I know that once I meet a girl and get to know her a bit I'd feel a little less shy but it's so god damn hard for me to make that step. I know it sounds pathetic and all. But I have a really REALLY low self-esteem and grasp of what I'm supposed to say or do. (And no, I am not gay!-- not that there's anything wrong with that )

    Anyway... I don't know what else to say.. this is something I really can't talk to with my friends... It's just not. I mean most of my friends are hardasses and they'd have a field day with something like this....

    Anyway. Thanks.. Johnny
    look dont worry, being a girl myself, i can tell you in all honesty that if your just nice and tell whoever what you think then they'll love u for it. ive been there myself, and so have alot of my boy mates, and as long as your honest and not someone your not then you'll have no probs!!
 
 
 
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