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Interracial Relationship Problems

Hi all

is anyone in an interracial relationship and experienced any problems? I would like to hear anout them and how you deal with them

i am a white female and my partner is an African male. Our relationship has been great other than a couple of issues I have had with his family.

The first time I met them, I overheard his sister asking him when he was going to bring home a girl that looks like them. I think she wanted me to hear because she could've said this in their language. Now when I visit she and his mother often talk to each other in anther language while I'm sat there and it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable

Do you think they are intending to make me feel uncomfortable or am I readin too much into this? I haven't really raised this with my partner yet as he thinks I worry too much, which is probably true, and I don't want to upset him if this is in my head.

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Well you chose to be in a relationship with him and he chose to be in a relationship with you. It's bang out of order that they're trying to influence his decision(s)
Reply 2
I think that's awful if his family are treating you like that-there supposed to make you feel welcome. But if you don't get along good with his family that'd a deal breaker
Idk, personally I don't like it when I'm with people and they talk to others in a language I don't understand, however it's not necessarily intentionally exclusionary! Obviously his sister has some kind of a problem with you being white though. Not sure that will change but idk how important it is for her to approve? Is he a family man?
I'm in an African family, if they're shouting it's probably bad.
It's sometimes like that. My black grandfather never spoke or looked at my white dad in the eye. :\
It's just one of the few things you'll have to deal with, but I've never dealt with a problem like that before because I haven't been in that position.

Have you tried to help out when you are at his house, or tried to be of any assistance? His sister may not have liked you in the beginning but that shouldn't have stopped you from making an effort to get on his mother's good side.

You also have to remember that interracial couples are still strange to people outside of the west, especially since many of these cultures carry the principles of their father's father and so on.

Unless they are Ghanaian, Ghanaian's love it when their kids mix with other ethnicities.

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I find it really funny if this was the other way round it would be really racist and everyone would be up in arms. However as it's a white person their family thinks it's ok because it's "their" culture. Racism is racism no matter what race involved.

And yes I'm having problems with an interracial relationship myself at the moment, but I couldn't care less what her family thinks because I love her too much
if they're talking in their language it means they don't want you to hear OR they always speak in their language and it means nothing.

The sister doesn't like you coz you're white but I would talk to your bf and raise the issues. It's not easy for a black guy to bring back a white girl back to a strict black house so he really likes you.
Original post by Schrödingers Cat
I find it really funny if this was the other way round it would be really racist and everyone would be up in arms. However as it's a white person their family thinks it's ok because it's "their" culture. Racism is racism no matter what race involved.

And yes I'm having problems with an interracial relationship myself at the moment, but I couldn't care less what her family thinks because I love her too much




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Out of interest,what ethnicity is your gf? How do you guys get over your cultural differences?
Original post by Expired Potato
It's just one of the few things you'll have to deal with, but I've never dealt with a problem like that before because I haven't been in that position.Have you tried to help out when you are at his house, or tried to be of any assistance? His sister may not have liked you in the beginning but that shouldn't have stopped you from making an effort to get on his mother's good side.You also have to remember that interracial couples are still strange to people outside of the west, especially since many of these cultures carry the principles of their father's father and so on.Unless they are Ghanaian, Ghanaian's love it when their kids mix with other ethnicities.Posted from TSR Mobile


I think they speak Yoruba? I'm sorry if i am making myself sound very ignorant

i am polite and friendly, I always help and pay compliments. He is very big on family but seems to be somewhat oblivious to this. Do you think I should talk to him or keep trying with the family?
Original post by Schrödingers Cat
I find it really funny if this was the other way round it would be really racist and everyone would be up in arms. However as it's a white person their family thinks it's ok because it's "their" culture. Racism is racism no matter what race involved. And yes I'm having problems with an interracial relationship myself at the moment, but I couldn't care less what her family thinks because I love her too much


can I ask about your races and the problems you've faced?

i haven't been in an interracial relationship before and I didn't foresee any issues at all cos we just get each other and love each other. Maybe I was naive. I hope my boyfriend will react the same way as you.
Original post by bittr n swt
if they're talking in their language it means they don't want you to hear OR they always speak in their language and it means nothing.The sister doesn't like you coz you're white but I would talk to your bf and raise the issues. It's not easy for a black guy to bring back a white girl back to a strict black house so he really likes you.


i dot want to make anyone uncomfortable :frown: I just wish his sister wod give me a chance, I'm pretty sure I make her brother happy. My family love him, because he's a good guy who makes me happy which is the only criteria that matters to them
Hi,
Let me just apologise on behave of my race. Unfortunately a lot of black women do feel this way. All I can say to you is that if your boyfriend is not prepared to defend you when his family are clearly making you feel uncomfortable,as situation I believe they will brand as racism if the roles were reversed . You do not need to be with him.
Sorry for my poor spelling by the way, I'm using my phone and finding it tricky!
Original post by jedanselemyia
It's sometimes like that. My black grandfather never spoke or looked at my white dad in the eye. :\


:frown: that's so sad. I want to be understanding though, I guess I am very naive about cultural differences as I just never even considered there'd be problems!
Original post by Anonymous
Sorry for my poor spelling by the way, I'm using my phone and finding it tricky!:frown: that's so sad. I want to be understanding though, I guess I am very naive about cultural differences as I just never even considered there'd be problems!


It's ok! :smile:
Yeah, he had his reasons...
Well, for some African families, that's the case :\
They kinda consider you like an intruder, even though you haven't done anything wrong. Maybe the best thing would be to have a serious talk with your partner about it and he'll have to talk to his family about it. It's unfair for you because you seem really nice and keen on understanding. But don't let this come between you and your partner, that would be a shame :frown:
So my general advice would be lots of communication! :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
I think they speak Yoruba? I'm sorry if i am making myself sound very ignorant

i am polite and friendly, I always help and pay compliments. He is very big on family but seems to be somewhat oblivious to this. Do you think I should talk to him or keep trying with the family?


Ah, so they're Nigerian. It's okay to not know things, doesn't make you ignorant!

I think you should continue, or try another way of getting on their good side. Sometimes, though, it may be inevitable that X or Y won't accept you for you, which will mean you'll have to both really stick it out. If it does work out, and I hope it does, then further down the line should you have kids; his family will not bar them out, but care for them too.

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Just persevere, once they get to know you they'll accept you as one of their own. Just takes time. Nigerians aren't inherently racist. And tell your boyfriend how you feel, firstly as it just helps foster a trusting relationship generally and secondly he should know how you feel.

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Original post by Anonymous
can I ask about your races and the problems you've faced?

i haven't been in an interracial relationship before and I didn't foresee any issues at all cos we just get each other and love each other. Maybe I was naive. I hope my boyfriend will react the same way as you.



Original post by Kadak
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Out of interest,what ethnicity is your gf? How do you guys get over your cultural differences?


I'm white British and she's Indian, tbh I didn't even think about the issues until they started coming up.

It's difficult I'm not going to lie, it mainly her familes cultural difference and not her's personally. My family couldn't give a toss about my love life so that's moot.

Main problems are me not being able see or in fact sometimes talk to her, over protective parents and what not. I won't go into detail.

OP if your boyfriend truly loves you he'll talk to his family and try to win them over. If he ignores the issue and doesn't talk to them and keeps quiet even after you express your concerns I would move on. I know a few situations where family pride has won over love. If he wants you though he will be with you and ignore his family.
He doesn't realise it's an issue at the moment. Thankyou all I will discuss with him and report back! I really don't want us to break up over it because I really feel like we have something good. He always says I give him a sense of belonging he's never felt before and I feel the same.

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