Still love her, 150 miles away.

K i started uni a while ago. ive made an anomous thread or two but hardly ever got a reply so ill make the full story and you can make your judgements on what to do. i dont know exactly what im gonna do but i cant change anything till after term, and its doing me damage...

a long while ago, i met a girl through some mates. we spoke alot on msn after meeting up, and she trusted me right away. i learn alot about her fast, and we decided to meet up.. we were incredibly open with one another, and talked about how we could just be "friends having sex" to start with... baring in mind we'd known each other a few days. We was constantly under the understanding i wouldnt be there forever, as i was going uni. and we'd have the best time together till then. Everyday we spoke online till nearly 6am...

We had an ace time together for about 3 months, then during exams my lack of effort in college (and bunking off to spend all my time at her house 20 miles away) caught up with me. my first exam was an absolute disaster. going through my revision materials i realised i didnt have enough time to do all this work, it was impossible. So i had to get the maximum time. i decided work had to go, and me and the gf needed a break. I instantly told work i cannot come in anymore, and spoke to my gf about it. With the time avalible, i did the work, and i got 2 B's and 2 C's. i was quite happy with those A level results...

problem was she got the impression i didnt want to be with her anymore, id worded it wrong. so she got someone else, and later on, about a month and a half left till end of the holiday, it came up she only wanted to be with me and thought i didnt want her, but i'd thought of her almost everyday, and thought she didnt want me. we'd spoke online still till 6am sometimes on alot nights as well, like we had from the start... we decided to meet up again, the night after my trackday on the motorbike.

however, the bikes engine exploded coming home and i never got to her house. We arranged another meet day, or tried, with her parents giving her a lift. last minute they let her down, me down. We didnt meet again. She moved house, she lost the internet. we didnt meet again but spoke on the phone on the rare occasion.

a month or so into uni, she comes online again suddenly. we've spoke a few times on the phone but it was so like old times. We spoke like nothing had ever changed. About everything, nothing seemed different. But she has a new boyfriend. We talk till about 6am again, i didnt get to bed... since then it keept happening. speaking till 6am. i slept whole days sometimes because i was awake several days in a row on msn to her all night and working the day at uni. Soon it became obvious the feelings still were there. its always been a thing with me since somethings in the past that i will only say "i love you" in person, and shes similar to that respect. but we have so many times said we want to say so much to one another... its madness. Many nights i want to go home on the bike and see her again. but i cant, its broken. i cant fix it till i get back at christmas. And with her in a relationship now, she doesnt want to leave it. She still says she loves me but cannot see me. Shes a firm beleiver in moving on, and doesnt want to leave home and i know that. But i so want to see her again.

We plan to meet up again at christmas for a few days. I plan on telling her everything at the end of those days. I'll have the bike at that point, and if things work out i might be able to make something of it next year, that is my hope. that everything can work somehow...

ive tried before here making new relationships. everytime someone is mildly close to me all i can think of is her.

And im scared that i might be causing myself far to much damage with this. I mean if she doesnt accept me, what can i do? she still is my best friend ever since i met her, its been that way. we've been a couple. And i want for us to be together again... i can ride home every weekend if i have to. I can do more even. but i fear that im tearingmyself appart over a woman who might not want me now, because of her new relationship?

I cant decide what to do... and i know its wiser leave the decision till after i see her but its in my head now, way to early... to leave her be, try and disguise and forget my feelings and that they ever occured despite still being best friends and possibly ending that, or devote everything i have to her as soon as it is possible after christmas.

please, advice, posts, anything. reinforcement? I just need someone to talk to me about this its driving me crazy... usually i'd post anomous, but i need to make up my mind, and if anyone at my uni guesses who it is, fine. now they know.

she was considering coming up here to meet me but her parents wont take her... i cant blame them given the mileage, but its something i just dont care about right now.

Reply 1

Melana

Speak to her about it at Christmas, see how she feels. Until that's clear, you're right, it's gonna be difficult to move on. Sounds like she's finding it difficult too. *Hug*

Reply 2

username47781

Yes you both need to talk to each other as soon as possible and see where you both stand.

Reply 3

melonman

cant one of you get the train to see the other? its not expensive or anything. ive just spent £700 on a flight to australia to see my bf because we feel like you do, and even over such a long distance we will make it work because we both want it :smile:

hope it goes well. if you both want it enough, anything is possible :smile:

xXx

Reply 4

untill_it_sleeps

thanks for your replies for far :smile:

i know thats what i have to do im sure of it, just struggling to cope with the fact im here two more weeks. Other problem is her and this guy seem really involved and it might be that i dont stand any chance at all here... he can offer her more time than i can. And hes a different kind of person, has qaulities i dont, some better some worse, its difficult.

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