We're ruining each others lives.

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. I don't really want to be with him in a relationship. He wants to be with me. We'd been going out for about 20 months so we were very close, and I will always love him - but i don't want a relationship with him. Last night, my ex drank himself stupid and went into hopspital. He's done various other things to make me feel ridiculosly guilty. He's also horrible every time I talk to him and his cynisism is making me more depressed than I already am. I don't want to go out with him, because it's a love/hate realtionship. Everytime this kind of thing happens (which it has done before, we've broken up but got back together etc), I give into him and we repeats the whole cycle of falling out and then being all lovey doevy for a while. I'm happy to be a really close friend, but I don't want a bf at the moment - I'm really cocntrating on my work at the moment, and if I have a relationship my work will suffer. I know that tomorrow I will go round his place to make him feel better and try and get rid of guilt but instead we will just make up and become a couple again. He's utterly depressed about not going out with me, but I really don't want to go out with him. He calls me selfish, and is making me feel like the worst person ever. I can't actually see a solution but what would be the best thing to do?

I just told him the only way he would get me back is through force or guilt, and he said if that's the way he'd do it, then that's the way he has to do it. Is this guy friggin obsessed with me or what? He keeps trying to convince me I'm confused and need someone etc. when I'm not. grrrrr

I just told him the only way he would get me back is through force or guilt, and he said if that's the way he'd do it, then that's the way he has to do it. Is this guy friggin obsessed with me or what? He keeps trying to convince me I'm confused and need someone etc. when I'm not. grrrrr

i'd agree with ur boyfriend and think u were selfish if u simply don't want to go out with him because you simply don't feel like a boyfriend and want to concentrate on your work. is there no compromise you could make with him? because that seems pretty self centred to me, you clearly realise that it hurts him massively, but you don't appear to apply that to your calculations of whether or not to go out with him.

obviously, if you don't want to go out with him because you don't like the love/hate side of the relationship, or simply don't ever want to be his boyfriend, because the relationship isn't working, then you don't deserve the guilt. but if u want to pause the relationship and maybe go back later, that's really selfish in my opinion.

Oi you tell me that i don't know it all yet you say this, come off at as you said you don't know the full damn picture, how the hell was she selfish, least she was honest and told him. Maybe you should jump off your little high horse.

i expressed my opinion, i'm sorry you don't agree. notice the "in my opinion" part of my post. i wasn't trying to say i was right, it's just what i think with the limited evidence available. based on what she said, i think she is being selfish. how can i not be able to make an assessment? i don't know the full picture, but nor does anyone else posting. should we all therefore stop posting?

additionally, i didn't say u don't know it all, i was just mocking your belief that everything was great back in the good old days, when abortions were impossible and girls used to not think of their physical attractiveness. clearly you were around in those golden times? the difference between us is that you are morally righteous and offer completely pointless 1 line advice to every thread in the world, whereas i was just stating my opinion, no moral high horses here.