My sister is ruining my life.

My older sister is eighteen years old. She is incredibly clever, achieves exceptional grades and recently received an offer from Oxford University.
My parents view her as the embodiment of perfection and refuse to ever see any fault in her.

For as long as I can remember she has verbally and physically abused me. She constantly comments on my appearance,my diet, my face, my skin, my spots, my boobs (or lack of), my voice, my friends, my personality, my intelligence etc, and has made me hate my body and myself. My body image and self esteem got so bad that for two years I stuffed my bra. I'm a nervous wreck around people. I can't stand crowds, conversations with people I don't know well, am painfully awkward around teachers and people in general and am terrified and constantly paranoid of judgement in all forms. It stops me from trying new things, making friends and doing things I loved. It's gotten to the point where it is seriously affecting my life.

She actively seeks to discourage me from ever doing well academically and belittles all of my achievements; it's like she feels threatened that I might somehow outperform her some day, so she wants to crush me. I know I shouldn't let it 'get to me' but I can't help it. I can feel every single comment she makes, every cruel, vindictive act, insult and jibe slowly chipping away at me, and soon there won't be anything left.

I really need help. I can't talk to her- anything I say will only make it worse and I'm genuinely convinced she's a sociopath- and I can't talk to my parents- they'll just get mad and accuse me of trying to 'slander her greatness' in an attempt to get attention. What do I do?

Reply 1

CrystalMath101

I think she's insecure herself that's why she's putting you down to make herself feel better, probably because there's a constant pressure on her to be "perfect". I know what she's doing is wrong. My little sister does it to me but she jokes around about it, so I brush it off, but as an older sister your sister shouldn't be doing that if she doesn't mean it as a joke and obviously she shouldn't joke about too much either. You should try talking to another member of the family, like cousins etc that are close to you and someone that you can trust, so that they can hint at it to your parents and maybe they'll realise what's actually happening. Personally though I think you should address your sister head on and tell her EXACTLY how you feel, like literally everything you've written on here. If you can't do it to her face maybe write it out or something and drop it on her bed or somewhere she'll notice and read. Tell her that you DON'T feel comfortable or happy with the way she's treating you JUST BECAUSE she's better at studies than you. Tell her how not being as good as her in studies doesn't lower your standard as a human or the person you are. Tell her that you won't take it anymore firmly. If she keeps at it then I think (I'm an older sister) you should repeat everything she's said to you but ones that fit her and see how she likes it.

To help your own self esteem I think you should treat yourself to little things like a mini pampering session on the weekend or good food etc. Having a healthy body (like skin and hair) will make you feel better about yourself, trust me. When I feel self conscious about myself I treat myself to something little. I also look at myself in the mirror and pick out the good point of myself and think "at least I have this...others don't have that" etc. It helps me I guess, but I don't know if it'll help you, but try it anyways.

Hope I helped at least a little :^_^:

My sister is ruining my life.

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