Girlfriend putting on weight

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#1
Since my girlfriend and I got together nearly a year ago, it seems like the security of a relationship has got her a bit too comfortable, and she's let herself go a bit with regards to her diet and she's put on quite a few pounds. Its not the extent that I no longer find her attractive, but I just don't want to let it get to that stage.

She herself often comments on how she doesn't like her stomach fat when trying on clothes etc. but I feel like I'm obliged to say "you're fine just the way you are" or something along those lines to keep her happy, when inside I do actually have a problem with it.

I'm a gym/fitness enthusiast and I put a lot of effort into keeping fit and maintaining a body which is aesthetically pleasing (she's always commenting on my abs, arms etc). So when she puts absolutely no effort into hers, it gets be down seeing as I'm not telling her what I actually think about her.

In addition to the 'looks' aspect, theres the health aspect which also concerns me seeing how much I'm into fitness. Since we first met, she hasn't done any form of work out at all. Just walking up a couple of flights of stairs will leave her gasping for air.
I've always loved the thought of being able work out together but whenever I mention it she will just change the subject.

Everything else about her is perfect, and I would never break up with her over this. How do I bring it up without upsetting her?
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username1857597
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Judging by her comments about her own stomach, it is pretty ovbious that she is aware of the changes in her body.

My advice is not to bring it up at all - girls tend to be really sensitive when it comes to matters such as these. I would recommend that you are supportive and caring - try to motivate her to come to the gym with you. Excersise together, coach her about training and diet. Put her on a specific training programme, don't just let her prance around the cardio machines.

Use your knowledge to try and help her. Whether she accepts is or not is her decision. But do not judge her or comment directly about the issue, be subtle.
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Maker
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She could be pregnant
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shawn_o1
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If she thinks she has a problem with her weight then remind her you are able to help. Just don't force her into decisions
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Khadijah489
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I can tell that you want to be truthful to her and be very honest, but you have to be careful because she might take it the wrong way, when I say that I mean that she might get hurt by what you've said and it may seem to her that your having a little go at her, when that's not the case. I think instead of telling her, you should encourage her to do the right thing, like you could ask her if she wants to work out with you or something, something that you can both do and something that she'll be comfortable in doing.
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LSD
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Get her friends to tell her. Me and my 4 best pals have a deal that if any of us starts becoming a fatty the group intervenes straight away and is brutally honest 😂


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_Charlotte15
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Since my girlfriend and I got together nearly a year ago, it seems like the security of a relationship has got her a bit too comfortable, and she's let herself go a bit with regards to her diet and she's put on quite a few pounds. Its not the extent that I no longer find her attractive, but I just don't want to let it get to that stage.

She herself often comments on how she doesn't like her stomach fat when trying on clothes etc. but I feel like I'm obliged to say "you're fine just the way you are" or something along those lines to keep her happy, when inside I do actually have a problem with it.

I'm a gym/fitness enthusiast and I put a lot of effort into keeping fit and maintaining a body which is aesthetically pleasing (she's always commenting on my abs, arms etc). So when she puts absolutely no effort into hers, it gets be down seeing as I'm not telling her what I actually think about her.

In addition to the 'looks' aspect, theres the health aspect which also concerns me seeing how much I'm into fitness. Since we first met, she hasn't done any form of work out at all. Just walking up a couple of flights of stairs will leave her gasping for air.
I've always loved the thought of being able work out together but whenever I mention it she will just change the subject.

Everything else about her is perfect, and I would never break up with her over this. How do I bring it up without upsetting her?
Encourage her to visit the gym when you go and before you know it she'll be back to her original size. However, the last thing you want her to get is obsessive over her weight to the point were she goes overboard with the exercise and starts loosing far too much weight. I suggest going the gym together if you can but she obviously feels very secure in the relationship which is very good on your part!


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r-t
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For her birthday buy her some really nice gym clothes as a hint of going to the gym


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bittr n swt
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#9
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You have to do something about it because she clearly won't.

It is sensitive indeed and some girls get in a right mess when their weight is discussed. You've been dating over a year now, i think you can talk to her about it straight up. Just tell her what you've written in the OP.
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stargirl63
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#10
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Encouragement is the best way to go here. e.g when you're on your way to the gym, ask if she would like to come with you - very casual, no biggie type of way. Or cook something healthy instead of going to restaurants? There's minor things you can do which will make her want to change. I have always been on and off with the gym, and I noticed that as soon as my bf committed to going every day, I felt influenced that I also started going all the time too.
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Anonymous #2
#11
Report 6 years ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Since my girlfriend and I got together nearly a year ago, it seems like the security of a relationship has got her a bit too comfortable, and she's let herself go a bit with regards to her diet and she's put on quite a few pounds. Its not the extent that I no longer find her attractive, but I just don't want to let it get to that stage.

She herself often comments on how she doesn't like her stomach fat when trying on clothes etc. but I feel like I'm obliged to say "you're fine just the way you are" or something along those lines to keep her happy, when inside I do actually have a problem with it.

I'm a gym/fitness enthusiast and I put a lot of effort into keeping fit and maintaining a body which is aesthetically pleasing (she's always commenting on my abs, arms etc). So when she puts absolutely no effort into hers, it gets be down seeing as I'm not telling her what I actually think about her.

In addition to the 'looks' aspect, theres the health aspect which also concerns me seeing how much I'm into fitness. Since we first met, she hasn't done any form of work out at all. Just walking up a couple of flights of stairs will leave her gasping for air.
I've always loved the thought of being able work out together but whenever I mention it she will just change the subject.

Everything else about her is perfect, and I would never break up with her over this. How do I bring it up without upsetting her?
I'm sixteen and curved but hate my stomach fat, hoe could I loose it natralually
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SophieSmall
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#12
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Next time she mentions how she thinks she is getting fat why don't you ask her if she wants to start working out with you? And how awesome it would be because you could really do with a work out partner? As long as you approach it in a positive way and don't actively day "yeah you're fat" she should be fine.
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Anonymous #3
#13
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#13
You don’t necessary need a gym to work out together. Make itlike a joke. Ask her to hold your feet when you are doing situps at home. Andafter then offer her to alternate... It will be fun and maybe she will fall forit.
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Anonymous #3
#14
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#14
I know what you mean. My flatmate is out of shape also. We live on the third floor and she is exhausted just from walking up the stairs. She is out of breath. It's like she is old, even though she is 20.

She tried jogging with me the other day and got winded very quickly. She wined that everything shakes and jiggles...
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TheInformer
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#15
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From experience, it's very hard to "make" someone lose weight. Unless they desperately want to do it for themselves, they are unlikely to stick to any fitness regime for more than a few days.

Most people seem pretty clueless when it comes to weight loss or effective workouts:

- rotating through faddy diets that are impossible to stick to.
- doing 5 sit ups before bed.
-"toning" ...
- everything fat free is "healthy".
- looking for that quick fix.
- not caring about body composition, just the number on the scales. would rather be 8 stone and fat than 10 stone and lean.

etc etc
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Zodiac Wheel
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#16
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Pay for her lipo, you cheap *******.
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Anonymous #4
#17
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#17
I can see that many commenters are men.... I have been there, in the situation of your girlfriend and yourself, and can tell you what helps:

Do not tell her directly how you feel, no matter what the other blokes here say: she is already feeling self-conscious about her weight, and probably is already thinking whether you find her attractive anymore. If your sex-life has also dwindled, she will probably be blaming herself and her body for it - and that's probably lowering her own sex-drive even more (I'm just assuming it's lowering, because that's usually the side effect of gaining weight and not exercising). All this is already ingredients to develop a terrible, long-lasting depression or eating disorder, if you fuel those thoughts by telling her directly and hammering her last remaining self-esteem down.

The worst thing that a girlfriend can experience, is the nagging doubt, that her boyfriend finds her unattractive, whether physically or spiritually/mentally. If you would tell her that you don't respect how she's not looking after herself, she'd think
a) "I'm obviously unattractive to him nowadays, I wonder if this is what he thinks when we cuddle/have sex?",
b) "If he's been thinking all that while he's with me, what else is he hiding or not telling me? Does he no longer truly want me? Is he thinking other women when he's with me in bed?",
c) "He obviously does not respect me. Can he really love me if he doesn't respect me?"

To avoid all these thoughts, I'd say that you should simply continue to show your example of a healthy lifestyle, and encourage to start new hobbies together: hiking, biking, swimming, tennis, whatever rocks your boat. Tell her, how important it is to you to share outdoors and activities together with your soulmate, and how you'd like her to be part of what you most love in life after her: sports, health and an active lifestyle! It's about sharing life and the things you love together! To spend more quality time with her!

Inspire her by describing how exercise, healthy lifestyle and outdoors make you feel about life: lifted, inspired, energetic! Tell her how much you love life which is active, and how bad it makes you feel when you haven't exercised for long. But don't comment on her lifestyle, simply talk about yourself. Don't even hint at her! And if she reacts to you when you talk about all that - you know, she might go "I know... I should also... But..." then still avoid criticising her: rather propose to her: "well! Why don't we go and do something fun together? Hike?"

Once she goes for a single, fun, active hike, she will instantly feel lifted. The desire to exercise increases only after exercise. Get her out with you once for a nice, long, sweaty hike on a hill: enjoy kissing on the top of the hill, sit and watch views, smell the flowers. Get her sweaty without her even noticing. By ​doing without consciously focusing on exercise, the simple activity will remind her how wonderful it feels to be fit! Get her inspired by doing, not only discreetly talking!

...I'm a girl who's always enjoyed being active and healthy, but hates routine exercise. I've also had eating disorders when younger, and was rather traumatised by that.

Over the years I have been rather healthy and active, but when my boyfriend met me, I was nevertheless the blumpest I had been in years (10kg overweight), due to hectic work, poor weather (I don't like indoor exercise very much), etc. etc.

...But he did exactly as described above, and was very gentle. I never even thought back then, that he might have been concerned about my weight -- Because I felt truly comfortable, desired, respected, admired and loved by him.

He managed to inspire me back into an active lifestyle. Now looking back at this, I am actually certain he was, in his subtle way, consciously inspiring me to do this, while avoiding direct criticism. But I'm not feeling offended now, when thinking about how he did it: on the contrary, I am grateful he brought the best out in me and in himself, without letting his own impatience and sense of superiority to take control... and made me feel accepted as I am, yet inspiring me to want to go back to a healthy lifestyle.

Hope those thoughts help. Good luck and keep us posted how it's going!
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Shellshocker93
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#18
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#18
It's a terrible idea to tell a female the truth! It's like someone telling you that you're looking a bit small
Next time she mentions it, suggest that if she wants to feel better, come the gym with you. Invest a little bit of time showing her the cardio equipment and the whole compete with yourself ethic. IF she takes it the wrong why, just tell her that she's bringing it up, you personally aren't that bothered.

Although it can be a bit annoying training with your girlfriend (never done it, but wouldn't want too) since after an hour they want to leave, when you've just warmed up.
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r-t
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To be honest I think it's worse asking a bunch of strangers for advice, just talk to your girlfriend about it. I'm a girl and I would rather my boyfriend came and talked to me directly rather than asking random people online.


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Jelkin
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I can see that many commenters are men.... I have been there, in the situation of your girlfriend and yourself, and can tell you what helps:

Do not tell her directly how you feel, no matter what the other blokes here say: she is already feeling self-conscious about her weight, and probably is already thinking whether you find her attractive anymore. If your sex-life has also dwindled, she will probably be blaming herself and her body for it - and that's probably lowering her own sex-drive even more (I'm just assuming it's lowering, because that's usually the side effect of gaining weight and not exercising). All this is already ingredients to develop a terrible, long-lasting depression or eating disorder, if you fuel those thoughts by telling her directly and hammering her last remaining self-esteem down.

The worst thing that a girlfriend can experience, is the nagging doubt, that her boyfriend finds her unattractive, whether physically or spiritually/mentally. If you would tell her that you don't respect how she's not looking after herself, she'd think
a) "I'm obviously unattractive to him nowadays, I wonder if this is what he thinks when we cuddle/have sex?",
b) "If he's been thinking all that while he's with me, what else is he hiding or not telling me? Does he no longer truly want me? Is he thinking other women when he's with me in bed?",
c) "He obviously does not respect me. Can he really love me if he doesn't respect me?"

To avoid all these thoughts, I'd say that you should simply continue to show your example of a healthy lifestyle, and encourage to start new hobbies together: hiking, biking, swimming, tennis, whatever rocks your boat. Tell her, how important it is to you to share outdoors and activities together with your soulmate, and how you'd like her to be part of what you most love in life after her: sports, health and an active lifestyle! It's about sharing life and the things you love together! To spend more quality time with her!

Inspire her by describing how exercise, healthy lifestyle and outdoors make you feel about life: lifted, inspired, energetic! Tell her how much you love life which is active, and how bad it makes you feel when you haven't exercised for long. But don't comment on her lifestyle, simply talk about yourself. Don't even hint at her! And if she reacts to you when you talk about all that - you know, she might go "I know... I should also... But..." then still avoid criticising her: rather propose to her: "well! Why don't we go and do something fun together? Hike?"

Once she goes for a single, fun, active hike, she will instantly feel lifted. The desire to exercise increases only after exercise. Get her out with you once for a nice, long, sweaty hike on a hill: enjoy kissing on the top of the hill, sit and watch views, smell the flowers. Get her sweaty without her even noticing. By ​doing without consciously focusing on exercise, the simple activity will remind her how wonderful it feels to be fit! Get her inspired by doing, not only discreetly talking!

...I'm a girl who's always enjoyed being active and healthy, but hates routine exercise. I've also had eating disorders when younger, and was rather traumatised by that.

Over the years I have been rather healthy and active, but when my boyfriend met me, I was nevertheless the blumpest I had been in years (10kg overweight), due to hectic work, poor weather (I don't like indoor exercise very much), etc. etc.

...But he did exactly as described above, and was very gentle. I never even thought back then, that he might have been concerned about my weight -- Because I felt truly comfortable, desired, respected, admired and loved by him.

He managed to inspire me back into an active lifestyle. Now looking back at this, I am actually certain he was, in his subtle way, consciously inspiring me to do this, while avoiding direct criticism. But I'm not feeling offended now, when thinking about how he did it: on the contrary, I am grateful he brought the best out in me and in himself, without letting his own impatience and sense of superiority to take control... and made me feel accepted as I am, yet inspiring me to want to go back to a healthy lifestyle.

Hope those thoughts help. Good luck and keep us posted how it's going!
I'm a girl, and I don't think I'd be that horrified/offended if a guy brought it up carefully, but it really depends on a lot of things, so I have to say that the practical advice in this post is really good. And it avoids the risk that you'll hurt her feelings and have her clam up on you. If she's already feeling bad about her weight then it's probably a good idea not to bring it up yourself but to wait until the next time when she complains about it herself so that you can suggest something as a response.

You could try to get her into doing something together that requires training? Like a run or (because I hate running) a long walk? The Peak District Challenge is something I'm hoping to do later this year and it will involve plenty of training even though it's "only" a long walk.

The other thing to mention is that some people just really hate the gym, so that might not always be the best approach. I used to be a gym-goer, but it was always something I really had to force myself to do. I'd get so bored. I'd rather play a game like squash, or take up a skill like taekwon-do or pole dancing. So it could be a case of finding something she will enjoy because then she'll be inspired to do it herself. Plus, if you're learning a skill, it feeds through into other parts of your life and you start thinking of what else you could do to make yourself better at the skill, like eating more healthily, or doing other forms of supplementary exercise.
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