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Gay and in love with best gay friend

A long one really, but I'm going out of my mind. I'm gay and have fallen in love with my best friend who is also gay. Basically, I've felt like this for 10 years. When we were students and lived together, one night he came home late, got into bed with me and I initiated stuff. He was drunk, I wasn't. I'd always liked and that night I thought mayb he felt the same. He didn't, and the next day told what a mistake it was blablabla and brought a new boy home who then became his bf. I felt ****, things got awkward to the point where I didn't really have much to do with him - the fact he moved away helped a lot. This was about 8 years ago. Last year, he moved back to my neck of the woods, was with a new guy but wanted to get rid of him. It was rocky at first but eventually we became good mates, hang out loads etc. he dumped his bf. we went on holiday to Spain as a group of mates last year, all was fine until I got so jealous of him with other guys, it was killing me so I told him how I felt... He didn't feel the same. I became obsessed again and eventually he blocked my calls etc. then became friends again... ( it's hard cos we are in the same friendship group) he stays at mine after nights out, in my bed and for about the last four months we have been having sex. I absolutely adore him, I can't stop thinking about. It kills me when he talk about his grindr meets etc, I just want to cry. I want to be with him so much, but still stays he sees me only as a friend. We are going travelling together in summer, I will be gutted when he pulls guys, but I don't wat to lose him as friend. I enjoy being around him, I enjoy cooking for him... What should I do? The thought of not seeing him makes me feel depressed but the alternative is killing me... I want him so much :frown:

btw, it won't let me edit,but when he got into my bed all those years ago, he initiated sex, not me

Reply 1

Languageguru183

A tricky one really, it may be best to cut all ties with him. It will be tough but it sounds like you r in love and he clearly isn't interested...sorry