Why even be good to people?

I'm good to people who are good to me. It's nice to be nice but in some cases people go out of their way to try and annoy you or take the pee and when that happens then I just find it far easier to cut these people out of my life. When that happens there is no path back in. They made their bed and they can lie in it.

"It's nice to be nice"? I hear this all the time, but why is it? I really believe that people find it much easier to be more passive and negative than just to be "nice".

Depends on the people you surround yourself with. Surround yourself with negative people who are only intent on being horrible to others then it'll rub off on you or you'll start becoming like that yourself. Surround yourself with positive people with good intentions and a great outlook on life and you'll find that being nice comes naturally. It's rather easy to be nice to people.

Depends on the people you surround yourself with. Surround yourself with negative people who are only intent on being horrible to others then it'll rub off on you or you'll start becoming like that yourself. Surround yourself with positive people with good intentions and a great outlook on life and you'll find that being nice comes naturally. It's rather easy to be nice to people.

I believe the evolutionary explanation suggests that by being nice to others, you form alliances and, on a wider scale, a more cohesive social group, which provides greater protection than being a lone, solitary person. Equally, it prevents hostility, which creates a further threat to an individual's life (for example today, the hostility and rivalry between gang groups can lead to fatalities).

On my part, I'm nice to people simply because I see no reason to be unkind to them unless they've been so themselves towards me. In being so, I have a wonderfully diverse group of friends of all ages, genders, backgrounds and walks of life, who enrich my life and give me companionship. I also dislike conflict, and if there is someone who I do not want to be nice to, I'll usually just leave them be rather than directly confront them. It's rarely worth it. I like to be surrounded by people who are healthy for me to be around, not detrimental. So there's elements of personal gain involved within what is otherwise considered altruism.

I'm nice to people because that's my personality and that's how I'd like people to treat me

Thanks for your comment but this still feels like personal gain, I can't say this is entirely altrustic - you've should mentioned that evolutionary evidence suggests that we do this self preservation which is clearly for our benefit - if humans have this "apparent rationality" that makes us different to the animals we must possess an "aware irrationality" that causes us to be bad and be confrontational, aggressive, angry etc.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Yeah I hear this all the time and this is absolutely valid but is there any other reasons? Posted from TSR Mobile

Which is exactly what I said. Maybe not completely outright, but altruistic behaviours exist for personal and societal gain and, at least originally, safety (back in the days when we faced far more natural dangers from predators). There are positive gains for other people, possibly at some kind of personal cost, but at the same time, there are inherent perceived benefits in these behaviours in forming and strengthening relationships with others which are valuable social resources for ourselves.

Well I just feel bad when I'm not nice It comes down to the fact I'm an introvert and really empathic so I try to be as understanding as possible. I'm not stupid however so I'm conscious that many people are not as nice and that being too nice can be a problem :\
But it makes me feel good and others too so it's all good

Ok, I see that we are on the page now - maybe this answer i'm more open to, but this still has problems. If you are aware of this answer then general distrust appears. People can now realise that good acts on base level only benefit the person doing the action and as you said potentially on a social level also. I believe most people are not aware of people's actions, which to me is the most important.

Posted from TSR Mobile

I believe you when you say that, and I understand that completely - however not everyone has good intentions like you and mask being "nice" for more sinister behaviours and motives. What do you think of that?Posted from TSR Mobile

I would disagree that they only benefit the person doing the action, or else there would be little point in doing the action in the first place. Let's say a friend of mine is ill and I go round to visit them with food. This has benefitted me in strengthening and reinforcing that bond with that particular friend, with the possibility of reciprocation in the future, even at the cost of the time I might have spent making the food and taking it to them, and the possibility of me getting ill myself, but it has also benefitted the friend too in that they have something to help them recover. There's no obligation for said friend to reciprocate those actions, but they are more likely to with me having done them, and then the decision is up to them.

I would also say that this motivation in people is subconscious in a lot of cases, though I don't dispute that people do do acts which appear to be altruistic on the surface for a personal gain (I hesitate to use this example, but buying someone a drink with the intention of getting their attention and potentially sexual activity applies here). You can't know which is which, and who is doing what for what reason, but then that depends on your perception of other people. You can choose to think of their intentions either way, as an honest act in their own mind (whatever their subconscious may suggest) or whether the act is one calculated for personal gain.

Thank you
Well, being nice does get you in people's good books so it could lead you to be in a better position to manipulate others around you. It's sly and quite disgusting tbh
However, it's quite easy to single them out: they're just too sweet and nice and fake overall
You're talking about narcissists, right?

More of social, deep, abstract question but why do people bother to be good to others? Is it for personal gain? Does it make you feel good? Is it reason?

Tell me what you think

Posted from TSR Mobile

I don't really be nice to people for personal gain or to make myself feel better, but more of a sign of respect as a human being.