Exam Structure Unit 1? (History AS Edexcel) Watch

clearsilver
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So I've been constantly getting anywhere between 18-23 with this structure below; am I missing anything or just being marked harshly. I would consider my essays to be better than this, with points fully developed and evidence used appropriately throughout.

Intro

Paragraph 1 (factor 1)
1. State point
2. Provide evidence
3. Explain (with analysis and numerical evidence)
4. Link back to question (why is this point specific)
[x3]
5. How significant the entire factor is

Paragraph 2 (factor 2)
1. State point
2. Provide evidence
3. Explain (with analysis and numerical evidence)
4. Link back to question (why is this point specific)
[x3]
5. How significant the entire factor is

Paragraph 3 (factor 3)
1. State point
2. Provide evidence
3. Explain (with analysis and numerical evidence)
4. Link back to question (why is this point specific)
[x3]
5. How significant the entire factor is

Conclusion



Apparently I'm limited to band 3 (which is so damn annoying because I'm predicted A) because I'm being too descriptive.

Anyone got any advice with this?
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clearsilver
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The.Joker
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What topics are you studying OP? I can send you a few essays of mine if you want, I usually get 24/25 marks on my essays.

The difference between band 3 and 4/5 is the amount of description and analysis in the essays. When you write make sure the material you are writing is directly relevant and linked to the question. Also there's no need to go overboard with description, just include the main features. What will bring you up to band 4 and 5 is your analysis and evaluation of each paragraph which must be sustained throughout your entire essay. Your introduction and conclusion is very important too, with the intro make sure you briefly answer the question by stating your opinion and introduce your main points. Similarly with your conclusion sum up the main paragraphs and analyse these points and then make a judgement on the question and answer it by giving your opinion.

Here's an example of how I lay out my essays:

How successful was MLK's campaign for civil rights in the years 1955-68?

Intro:
MLK had many successes i.e. the Montgomery bus boycott 1955 and the march on Washington of 1963 which brought about de jure changes.
Some campaigns led to criticisms of MLK i.e. the Albany and Chicago campaigns, these criticisms eventually led to divisions and radicalisation within the major civil rights groups.

Paragraph 1:
King's first successful campaign- Montgomery bus boycott 1955. Rosa Parks was arrested for refusing to give up her seat to a white passenger on a segregated bus. Led to local activists organising a bus boycott in protest to segregation on buses. This highlighted the economic power of black Americans-during the boycott the revenue of the bus company fell by $250,000. The boycott demonstrated the effectiveness of peaceful protest and legal action as the NAACP's case Browder v Gayle was successful as it established that segregation was illegal on public transport. On 21st Dec 1956 the bus company officially desegregated their buses. The campaign launched the career of MLK and resulted in a new civil rights organisation called the SCLC.

The rest of my paragraphs were similar in structure, paragraph 2 was on the March on Washington and how it was very successful. Whereas paragraphs 3 and 4 focused on the Albany and Chicago campaigns which were unsuccessful and led to criticisms on MLK.

Conclusion:
During 1955 and 1968 MLK was successful with many of his campaigns. His campaigns tried to improve a wide variety of issues such as transport, poverty and desegregation in general. MLK made significant changes such as the desegregation of buses in Montgomery. As well as working alongside Truman to create the civil rights act 1964 which meant the gov could legally enforce desegregation. Overall, although some of King's last campaigns did not force significant change, he had contributed a great deal to the civil rights movement and he had many positive and significant changes.
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clearsilver
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Studying "The challenge and expansion of nationalism" for unit one (Germany) and Option C for unit 2 (Boer war, Crimean war and WW1)

Yeah I can see how the analysis could be my downfall; it's good at parts but perhaps not sustained. Any tips on how to force myself to provide analysis after each point?

Apart from that, is the essay structure exam-ready?
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The.Joker
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(Original post by clearsilver)
Studying "The challenge and expansion of nationalism" for unit one (Germany) and Option C for unit 2 (Boer war, Crimean war and WW1)

Yeah I can see how the analysis could be my downfall; it's good at parts but perhaps not sustained. Any tips on how to force myself to provide analysis after each point?

Apart from that, is the essay structure exam-ready?
Literally after every point make sure you force yourself to write if the point is or isn't significant/effective and give a reason why. In that way you'll be evaluating and analysing throughout your essay which will surely take you to band 4/5. Make sure you use relevant knowledge/examples in your essay which is directly linked to the question. This is so you cut out unnecessary detail and you don't waffle. Yup your essay structure looks fine otherwise.
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