Stuck in the "friend zone"...

Just a stupid thing, I really like this girl who I have been good friends with for a whole term now, but I fear making a move as it might destroy our whole freindship :frown:

Basically I was hoping for advice on how to go about moving on further with this girl, and whether others have had it turn out better or worse for them after dating good friends :smile:

Reply 1

curryADD

12

xatm092

Just a stupid thing, I really like this girl who I have been good friends with for a whole term now, but I fear making a move as it might destroy our whole freindship :frown:

Basically I was hoping for advice on how to go about moving on further with this girl, and whether others have had it turn out better or worse for them after dating good friends :smile:

well, i'm currently dating my ebst friend. we are utterly in love. annnnnd for the most part i would say that it's been amazing, we understand each other, we mesh, forgive each other easier because we've done the friend thing before.

it's horrible though when something goes really really wrong, because it's like your boyfriend has betrayed you on a certain level. and also yo0ur best friend.

but thats just me.

Reply 2

xatm092

OP

Well thanks for the reply. It is good to know that it works well for some people :smile:

Reply 3

fat_hobbit

2

xatm092

Just a stupid thing, I really like this girl who I have been good friends with for a whole term now, but I fear making a move as it might destroy our whole freindship :frown:

Basically I was hoping for advice on how to go about moving on further with this girl, and whether others have had it turn out better or worse for them after dating good friends :smile:

Just do it man. I asked someone out today (exact same sit as you), got rejected; however I am not worried about losing my friendship with her because I have so many other mates....

What you got to realise, is that would you rather not ask her out and be friends with her, only to find out that she is going out with some other dude? I know that will bug you. Once you have feelings for someone, there's no point in maintaining a friendship as it could make things ackward (seeing her get with other guys except yourself for example)....Ask yourself the real reason why you are her friend in the first place! :smile:

You have nothing to lose, just do it. (I assume you have other friends)

Reply 4

Bedshaped

14

Just do it, if you cant stop thinking about her.

If you think you can get over her dont do it. But I personally did it because I felt really bad hanging around with her when I knew I fancied the pants off of her.

And its going great now :wink:

Reply 5

Choad

1

easiest way to get out of this situation is to make her jealous by getting a girlfriend and spending loads of time with her.

this only works if she does actually (underneath all the bull****) have feelings for you (its sometimes difficult to tell from "the inside" unfortunately). right now she has all the attention and affection of a good friendship with none of the risk associated with a proper relationship. asking her out will likely end in rejection because she has more to loose if it goes wrong, than she has to gain if it goes right. getting a 3rd party involved (ie the different girlfriend) means ur attention is divided, and more likely to go to the girlfriend. the original girl then realises what she wanted all along

disclaimer: not guaranteed to work. just my ramblings :smile:

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

To the OP: I read your post thinking "i hope this is Jon" (the guy i like who i've become closer friends with this term), thought i'd check out your profile... just in case.. and what a coincide you are called Jon! But *my* Jon (or actually not my Jon yet...) is 20, although his surname does in fact start with an H to. Crazy.

Anyways, i thought that was amusing.. had my hopes up there for a second.

I'm gonna tell *my* Jon that i like him on Friday.. then we've got 3 weeks apart for him to forget about it if he turns me down. Maybe you should tell your girl then too? We can have a mass admitting our feelings to the one we love session... it could be amazing!

Anyways.. i'm being weird now, so i'm gonna go. (P.S. sorry bout the anonymous.. but just in case my Jon H reads this site i thought it would be best - don't want him to know before Friday....)

Reply 7

bedbug

14

Go for it. At least then either way you can sort your head out - if you're good mates this shouldnt mess anything up if you tell her you like her.. if nothing else it's always nice to be complimented.

I was in the same situation (kind of) a few weeks ago with a guy at uni. Told him how I felt and he didn't feel the same. It was weird for a day or two but now we're closer than before because I'm no longer feeling weird around him - I'm way more relaxed. It's worth it just to stop yourself going mad, trust me!

Reply 8

Chumbaniya

17

xatm092

Basically I was hoping for advice on how to go about moving on further with this girl, and whether others have had it turn out better or worse for them after dating good friends :smile:

I'm currently dating a girl I knew for almost a year before, and was close friends with for about 5 months. In our case being friends previously means we're comfortable with each other and we already know we get on really well. I'll just reiterate what everyone else is saying and tell you to go for it - if it works out, great, and if it doesn't, it allows you to forget about her; It might be unpleasant in the short term, but in my experience it makes you feel a whole lot better overall.

Reply 9

ponjavic

1

http://thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=318162

Reply 10

Mr5.56

5

ponjavic

http://thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=318162

Also don't be put off by the ending, I'm sure when the sequel of this thread comes along the guy will get his gal ; )

Reply 11

Ross_j

9

happens to all of us :frown:

Reply 12

anjurdsg

11

here's something that might help you

it's over, man. let her go.

Reply 13

ponjavic

1

Mr5.56

Also don't be put off by the ending, I'm sure when the sequel of this thread comes along the guy will get his gal ; )

Who needs MTV this is where I can get my real life fix :biggrin:

Reply 14

c9679

Every relationship, I have ever had the girl has been my best friend first, then she has made a move on me... Its only later they turn into evil horrible manipulative monsters :frown:

Anyway, lol, try asking a girl friend to talk to her and just asking in a general way if there is something going on between you too and what she feels about you and if she has ever thought about or wanted something more with you, ask your friend not to make it obvious or drop too many hints...

From the results of the questioning proceed further :smile:

Reply 15

Ross_j

9

c9679

Every relationship, I have ever had the girl has been my best friend first, then she has made a move on me... Its only later they turn into evil horrible manipulative monsters :frown:

Anyway, lol, try asking a girl friend to talk to her and just asking in a general way if there is something going on between you too and what she feels about you and if she has ever thought about or wanted something more with you, ask your friend not to make it obvious or drop too many hints...

From the results of the questioning proceed further :smile:

dont do this, cowards way around it. do the talking yourself.

Reply 16

c9679

It saves the awkward silence that comes with the, "what have I done, ive lost my best mate after hitting on her" stage

Reply 17

Ross_j

9

c9679

It saves the awkward silence that comes with the, "what have I done, ive lost my best mate after hitting on her" stage

if he likes her enough then it'll be worth the risk, also saves his self respect. don't get other people involved in personal situations.

Reply 18

ßlαcksωαn

17

Just be pretty sure that she feels the same way before making a move, or else the whole thing could blow up in your face, trust me. Either stay friends with her, or risk losing that friendship. Just be careful before doing anything.

Reply 19

tanusha-tomsk

18

I would be a bit shoked if one of my best friends asked me out. Things would probably be weird because I wouldn't date them (I can't be sure that I will like them that way and I wouldn't want to hurt my friend by leading him on). However, you may want to drop some hints so that she can start thinking about you romantically while wondering whether it's nothing or you actually like her. Tell her how beautiful she looks, spend a bit more time together, text her randomly. I spent ages figuring out if one of my friends (we weren't that close though) has a crush on me, so obviously I was also considering whether there is a potential for me to like him. So may be try that :smile:

Stuck in the "friend zone"...

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