Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 51 years ago
#1
[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]I have seen a few threads about the grey area around drinking, consent, and being taken advantage of. Something happened to me at uni and I thought it was my fault, because for some reason, society likes to put emphasis on the victim.

It was years ago and during Freshers one of my flatmates kept making passes at me, to the point where I got quite annoyed with him. However, as we all went out as a flat on the last night of the week (big flat, there were 14 of us) I put it behind me and I started to think he was alright. I was wearing short shorts and my midriff was showing and I have a tattoo on my stomach. Got wuite a lot of male attention that night and I enjoyed it, however I did not want to do anything sexual, with anyone. I didn't even get horrendously drunk, even to this day I can remember the club clearly. But after the night out, the guy I mentioned before and another guy from our flat and I went back to our flat and we were playing cards. They were both joking in a flirty way but I told them there was no chance. I know I definitely was NOT interested in either of these guys. I remember drinking a glass of Pepsi and vodka one of them had made and that was all I can remember from that evening, which terrifies me.
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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]The next day I woke up completely naked alone in his room and remember feeling extremely sore and embarrassed. What did I do?! He wasn't around so I grabbed my things and ran quickly to my room. It was so confusing but at the time I thought I must have let him sleep with me. I mean, I had been friendly, came back with them both, played cards with them. Anyway, things were really awkward for me after that although I just thought of it as a one-night-stand and a mistake on my part. It was MY issue. I could not keep it from my mind though [/COLOR]
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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]Funnily enough, my mental health deteriorated, but until this year I never thought it could have been linked to that. I secluded myself, isolated myself from my friends, became depressed and hardly ever went to uni. I left uni with a 2:2 in the end, which isn't so bad but I felt so ashamed for so long. It worries me to think back to what happened to be honest, it could have been the one guy, or it could have been both of them. I would tell the police, but there is absolutely no evidence to back me up, plus my outfit and the fact I was drunk would go against me (as wrong as it is). I wasn't exactly a virgin before this night either. It's an awful thing to go through but I am starting to work through it and realise it was HIM, not me. I am going back to uni to study mental health nursing.[/COLOR]
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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]Sorry for the long post anyway, I wanted to get it off my chest. [/COLOR]
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 6 years ago
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Have you considered seeing a therapist so you can talk through this with a professional who can help you? Could be really useful
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pagorai
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#3
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It may sound stupid but I've heard that hypnotizing can help recall a lot of traumatic things or things you experienced while being unconscious/subconscious. You should definitely check them out.
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Anonymous #3
#4
Report 6 years ago
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Hey,I'm so sorry to hear what you've experienced, it sounds like it was quite traumatic for you, understandably so that sounds really scary and infuriating. I think it's pretty justified for you to be scared about the drink he made being the last thing you remember, since some people are so twisted with that stuff and not knowing exactly what happened could have intensified your fear, I'd be confused (and personally scared) too. Like you said, on forums like these and in public in general the grey area surrounding rape area can lead a lot of people to say very stupid things, which further the shaming of victims, but if it's any mild assurance I believe you whole. heartedly. Rape is psychologically invasive and destructive an experience so it's understandable as you say your mental health experienced and woman (correct me if I'm wrong?) to woman, it gives me a little pride to see you articulate a painful experience and make efforts to live (wtf omg well done on the going back to uni thing that is so neat?!) and I hope even just typing it out and getting it a little off your chest was a little bit of a relief. Concerning prosecution, I think that's your choice to make, it could be potentially painful it could be rewarding, but I would try not to let other peoples perception of your dress code that night dictate whether or not you do it, although I know it can be hard. Like other people suggested I don't think it would be unwise to further your commitment to your healing since you've suffered, by maybe seeking therapy or confiding in some friends or family (IF possible) cause it might help. In conclusion, you are valuable, you don't need to be ashamed, and I believe you. biiig hugs and all the love xxx
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Arkarian
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#5
Report 6 years ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
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I'm sorry for what you went through, there isn't a need to feel worse because of it. I'm here like many other people online to talk.
There are also helplines if you wish to talk to someone confidentially about any of your problems.


(Original post by pagorai)
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This isn't actually that stupid an idea depending on who the OP would ask to do it. I know basic levels of how to but situations like this may require someone who specializes in both the situation and hypnosis. Normal councilors where they tell to lie down normally are quite effective in this sense.
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KingStannis
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#6
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(Original post by pagorai)
It may sound stupid but I've heard that hypnotizing can help recall a lot of traumatic things or things you experienced while being unconscious/subconscious. You should definitely check them out.
Because she thinks she's been raped, that would immidiately trigger invented memories. It's the reason why so many people in America think they've been abducted by Aliens.
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Arkarian
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#7
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(Original post by KingStannis)
Because she thinks she's been raped, that would immidiately trigger invented memories. It's the reason why so many people in America think they've been abducted by Aliens.
Hypnotism is recalling the memories of the person without them being fully aware of what is being found, if done correctly [my point again] the person who is under hypnosis won't even remember the conversation.

(meaning she won't be triggered plus she can't consciously lie to herself)
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