The Student Room Group

Guys- how would you feel if a girl asked to you use a vibrator on her?

This is a lot of TMI, if you don't want to read it that's fine!

Through a history of an abusive relationship and being raped, I've not been able to ever orgasm during sex with my, even when I was with my ex for 2 years who was amazing, sweet and caring. I can't relax enough during sex to orgasm and I stop any clit stimulation (which is what I need) and if I think about it I panic and stress out. I haven't told this to any of my partners and I've faked it (which I know is unforgivable, but I would never tell them.) I've felt like a failure for not being able to and just thinking about it makes me stress out and that makes anything less likely.

However I am able to orgasm by masturbation and can sometimes have 20+ in one long session and it takes me 1-3 minutes each time. Over the last few years I've been using a bullet vibrator and it makes it much more pleasurable and faster.

I'm single now but this habit of me faking with boyfriends obviously needs to stop. However, I'm feeling really nervous about relaxing with someone enough to do it, and if I tell him I would feel pressured.

First question: Does anyone have any advice?

Second question: Since I get such quick and great results with a vibrator, how would guys feel if I asked if we could maybe incorporate that in sex?

Sorry if this is too detailed :frown:
Original post by Anonymous
This is a lot of TMI, if you don't want to read it that's fine!

Through a history of an abusive relationship and being raped, I've not been able to ever orgasm during sex with my, even when I was with my ex for 2 years who was amazing, sweet and caring. I can't relax enough during sex to orgasm and I stop any clit stimulation (which is what I need) and if I think about it I panic and stress out. I haven't told this to any of my partners and I've faked it (which I know is unforgivable, but I would never tell them.) I've felt like a failure for not being able to and just thinking about it makes me stress out and that makes anything less likely.

However I am able to orgasm by masturbation and can sometimes have 20+ in one long session and it takes me 1-3 minutes each time. Over the last few years I've been using a bullet vibrator and it makes it much more pleasurable and faster.

I'm single now but this habit of me faking with boyfriends obviously needs to stop. However, I'm feeling really nervous about relaxing with someone enough to do it, and if I tell him I would feel pressured.

First question: Does anyone have any advice?

Second question: Since I get such quick and great results with a vibrator, how would guys feel if I asked if we could maybe incorporate that in sex?

Sorry if this is too detailed :frown:


I would find it weird if a girl just asked, but if she said something like "something really **** happened to me a while back (assuming you wouldn't want to go into too much detail right away), so it can be hard for me to do certain things", I'd get the meaning and totally be willing to go along with that. Unless you're a very good actress, fake orgasms are quite difficult to a guy who knows the real thing, a girl's whole body reacts, it's not just a matter of screaming. And a girl orgasming is literally the most arousing thing to me, so I'd definitely want to get there, even if it was unconventionally.

Did you tell the guys about the abuse/rape? I think most guys would be quite understanding if you tell them what happened once you trust them.
My ex asked the same thing, I'd rather us both enjoy it and incorporate a vibrator than her not without it so I had no problem with it. I very much doubt any guy would given the cirumstances :smile:
I would be open to it, what time?
Joking

I wouldn't really mind, if I was in a relationship with a girl and that's what she wanted, some guys like that stuff too, i'm indifferent myself. There's alot of worse stuff people want out there so I wouldn't worry atall, just have a nice guy and be honest with him, and i'm sure you will be happier in yourself that someone has accepted the true you, and that you don't have to hide anything.

Best of luck
Slightly off topic but do you ever dip that vibrator in sauce or whatever and then suck it?
Original post by Anonymous
This is a lot of TMI, if you don't want to read it that's fine!

Through a history of an abusive relationship and being raped, I've not been able to ever orgasm during sex with my, even when I was with my ex for 2 years who was amazing, sweet and caring. I can't relax enough during sex to orgasm and I stop any clit stimulation (which is what I need) and if I think about it I panic and stress out. I haven't told this to any of my partners and I've faked it (which I know is unforgivable, but I would never tell them.) I've felt like a failure for not being able to and just thinking about it makes me stress out and that makes anything less likely.


when you say you stop, do you mean because you want to stop or because you can't physically reach?
Personally, guys tend to ask how you like it, or if you come etc. If I don't, then I don't. I also need that extra stimulation, so often try to help maneuvre him into a place where I can do that manually as if they care they'll see you aren't getting yours without it.
(Sorry if that makes little sense, trying not to be too explicit for tsr rules!)
key to that is never faking. It doesn't matter if you don't come every time, but when you do you want it to be real. Personally I do about 50% of the time when we take time for instance.

However I am able to orgasm by masturbation and can sometimes have 20+ in one long session and it takes me 1-3 minutes each time. Over the last few years I've been using a bullet vibrator and it makes it much more pleasurable and faster.

I'm single now but this habit of me faking with boyfriends obviously needs to stop. However, I'm feeling really nervous about relaxing with someone enough to do it, and if I tell him I would feel pressured.

First question: Does anyone have any advice?

Second question: Since I get such quick and great results with a vibrator, how would guys feel if I asked if we could maybe incorporate that in sex?

Sorry if this is too detailed :frown:

I also use a bullet, what I did was mention that I have toys; and brought them along once. He asked if I had it, and hey presto.
If you aren't in such a situation, I'd maybe bring them up a few times and also do it manually without, then suggest trying it with, or asking if it's okay to use it.
Hey, as long as they're getting theirs, then I doubt they'll care (in fact they'll find it better) if you're touching yourself at the same time.
Also, maybe a vibrating ring? If you place it right it can do the same thing :smile:

Hope any of this helps.
I'd be confused as to why I needed to be there for use of a vibrator if I was unaware of the background to this whole thing.

However if I knew beforehand about the abuse and so on I'd get it and go along with it.
Many women don't get to climax from just sexual intercourse. That isn't the sensitive area - it might feel good but doesn't bring climax. If you are with the right guy he's going to want you to have pleasure - as long as he gets to still be involved a good guy is not going to care!
I've done it plenty of times, nothing wrong with using toys during foreplay.
I'd do it. If a girl just asked me to do it I'd be thinking that it's a bit weird but if she told me why then I'd be perfectly comfortable with it. It would make me feel a little bad that I wouldn't be able to make her orgasm whereas a toy would, though.
I'd have no issue tbh.

How do you feel about guys going down on you? That tends to be good to get girls to orgasm.
Original post by Anonymous
This is a lot of TMI, if you don't want to read it that's fine!

Through a history of an abusive relationship and being raped, I've not been able to ever orgasm during sex with my, even when I was with my ex for 2 years who was amazing, sweet and caring. I can't relax enough during sex to orgasm and I stop any clit stimulation (which is what I need) and if I think about it I panic and stress out. I haven't told this to any of my partners and I've faked it (which I know is unforgivable, but I would never tell them.) I've felt like a failure for not being able to and just thinking about it makes me stress out and that makes anything less likely.

However I am able to orgasm by masturbation and can sometimes have 20+ in one long session and it takes me 1-3 minutes each time. Over the last few years I've been using a bullet vibrator and it makes it much more pleasurable and faster.

I'm single now but this habit of me faking with boyfriends obviously needs to stop. However, I'm feeling really nervous about relaxing with someone enough to do it, and if I tell him I would feel pressured.

First question: Does anyone have any advice?

Second question: Since I get such quick and great results with a vibrator, how would guys feel if I asked if we could maybe incorporate that in sex?

Sorry if this is too detailed :frown:
You should be able to bring the subject up with any decent bloke. It's not a case of being inadequate, it's a case of what works. And a partner wielding a vibrator will be different to you using it on yourself, so it's not like it would be taking away from his ability to please you.

As an aside, I was the one who introduced my partner to toys in the bedroom.
Me and my gf have used it a couple times on her, it doesn't bother me, it turns me on even more and after it feels better when I dive in :cool:
Reply 13
Both guys and girls can often get more pleasure through means other than pure penis in vagina. I wouldn't have any problem with it.
I would have to take a closer look at the situation. I think then I could help7

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