Is it my trust issues or am I right about him?
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years, we have broken up once for about 2 weeks at the beginning of our relationship because I got cold feet (not great at emotions and feelings).
Compared to all my friends and other couples I know we have a great relatonship, they all cheat, lie, and basically hate eachother. Its different for me and my partner, we are happy, we dont argue (We bicker like an old married couple) we have a good sex life, we enjoy our time apart as-well as our time together. I have never cheated on him and as far as I know he has never cheated on me.
Before him I never had a serious relationship, i had on and off ones and one night stands but there was no real emotion, love or feelings involved. So when something happens now and it knocks my trust i dont know how to handle it. If he speaks to a gir or meets a girl l i dont like then I lose it with him, its not just me being paranoid because he has a past but so do i.. Is it because I dont know how to trust? Or is it because he genuinely is up to something?
Opinions please
Compared to all my friends and other couples I know we have a great relatonship, they all cheat, lie, and basically hate eachother. Its different for me and my partner, we are happy, we dont argue (We bicker like an old married couple) we have a good sex life, we enjoy our time apart as-well as our time together. I have never cheated on him and as far as I know he has never cheated on me.
Before him I never had a serious relationship, i had on and off ones and one night stands but there was no real emotion, love or feelings involved. So when something happens now and it knocks my trust i dont know how to handle it. If he speaks to a gir or meets a girl l i dont like then I lose it with him, its not just me being paranoid because he has a past but so do i.. Is it because I dont know how to trust? Or is it because he genuinely is up to something?
Opinions please
Going to need more info....
Is he meeting up with girls on their own? Do they go to a bar or club or is it in the day?
Is he meeting up with girls on their own? Do they go to a bar or club or is it in the day?
I feel like we have been together 4 years and he might just be bored. So any little thing like texting another girl or watching porn I just feel useless like I'm just there to fill the time with, I have NEVER had to trust anyone before, so now I have to have full trust in someone every little thing knocks it and I dont know how to handle it? No he doesnt go to bars or clubs not even with his mates, but he likes taking his phone EVERYWHERE with him, please just say if you think im being paranoid!
Yeah, he just says its because hell think ill write on his facebook or because he likes to go on his phone while hes doing what men do in the toilet lol or to google stuff while hes doing his mechanics and car/bike stuff or whatever. But its very very rare he will leave it in the room with me.
Original post by OU Student
I have to admit, I find it a bit weird that he takes his phone everywhere with him. Have you talked to him about that?
Is this a joke? It's 2015 and everybody seems to be with their phones 24/7
About the phone thing, I would say I'm pretty attached to my phone and take it everywhere with me. It doesn't really mean someone is up to anything dodgy lol
Original post by Tabstercat
Is this a joke? It's 2015 and everybody seems to be with their phones 24/7
Same
Taking everything you've told us into account... it does sound like it's more a case of your issues with trust. Most people keep their phones on them 24/7. It sounds quite normal for him. The fact that you mentioned your fear that he might grow bored of you suggests you have a few insecurities to work through. All the best.x
Original post by Tabstercat
Is this a joke? It's 2015 and everybody seems to be with their phones 24/7
No. I don't take my phone everywhere with me.
Original post by OU Student
I have to admit, I find it a bit weird that he takes his phone everywhere with him. Have you talked to him about that?
I take my phone everywhere with me, it's a mobile phone. O.o
You're being weirded out by someone using their phone as intended.
Sorry, not trying to be mean or rude, just pointing out what you're saying is sorta weird in itself.
Original post by cmlynch
Yeah, he just says its because hell think ill write on his facebook or because he likes to go on his phone while hes doing what men do in the toilet lol or to google stuff while hes doing his mechanics and car/bike stuff or whatever. But its very very rare he will leave it in the room with me.
If it helps I am sorta like your boyfriend with my phone/laptop. I just don't like the idea of people rifling through my devices, my girlfriend or anyone else.
No special reason and I'm not up to anything dodgy it's just how I am.
If your boyfriend is being genuinely sketchy that's one thing but being a little bit private is nothing serious.
Original post by godivaontherocks
Taking everything you've told us into account... it does sound like it's more a case of your issues with trust. Most people keep their phones on them 24/7. It sounds quite normal for him. The fact that you mentioned your fear that he might grow bored of you suggests you have a few insecurities to work through. All the best.x
This. Assuming no drastic changes in behaviour or character it seems more like you're realising just how steady this relationship is, and after four years of overcoming all the other challenges to a relationship you;re left with the 'what if' hypothetical of him cheating.
The problem is this is all in your head, so indulging in the cycle of suspicion (without due cause) is going to undermine your relationship.
Godivaontherocks suggest it's trust issues (and indeed maybe you;re just genuinely scared of things going tits-up just as they seem so steady) but I'm more inclined to believe this may be more related to commitment issues on your part.
it's definitely something to consider.
Either way I think this may just be a result of your inexperience of stable long-term relationships. Either you're getting restless or you're genuinely fearing this new ground.
Either way make sure to not over-indulge and see if you can recognise if any of this is in fact coming from you rather than any genuine problem in the relationship.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by OU Student
No. I don't take my phone everywhere with me.
Most people, especially young people, do.
Thanks everyone. Like I said, I have never had to trust anyone before. I'm quite independant so putting my trust in someone has been hard.
I sat down and spoke to him and we worked things out.
I sat down and spoke to him and we worked things out.
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