Views on long distance relationships? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 years ago
#1
So I'll be leaving my country next year for university leaving my girlfriend behind. I believe I might be in love with her yet I haven't told her yet..
She's a year younger than me and she still has her senior year left, but, after she's done with high school she'll be leaving the country as well..for university.

what are your views on long distance relationships? do they work? I'll be visiting only two-three times a year.

I really like her and it'd really suck if we'd have to end it over distance because everything is going perfectly.
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thecatwithnohat
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#2
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#2
Can't speak for all LDRs, some work and some don't. Many don't, but for a lot of different reasons.

Talk to her about it, discuss how you're both going to go about this distance and come to a mutual decision together.

I hope all goes well.
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NutE
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#3
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I was in a LDR (only 120miles though, same country) but he cheated on me multiple times because he thought I'd never find out.

There are lots of problems with LDR, there can be trust issues, communication problems, sexual needs etc. But I always believe if two people truly love each other and truly want to be together, they will put in 150% effort in and make the relationship work. So I say, go for it my friend, try to maintain the relationship. If you love her and she loves you, and you're both willing to do this together then it may work. Good luck I hope it lasts!

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username1862217
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They only work in the long run if you plan to meet up again and live together in the future (after uni for example). But in the meantime there is no reason to break up or anything. Try it out and see how it goes. Long distancing works really well for most people!
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Pies
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Long distance relationships can work, but I won't lie, it's hard...really hard, especially the more you fall for each other. My bf and I managed 4 years of long distance but our relationship started that way so it was all we had known. I can imagine it's harder when you're used to seeing each other every day then suddenly move away. We managed to see each other every 6 weeks or so which was quite good considering he lived abroad. When I finished uni I moved to his country, I couldn't take any more crying in airports and the constant dread of the goodbye every visit.

It can be done, you just have to make an effort to stay in contact, even if some days your conversations amount to 'how was your day? What did you have for dinner?'. Trust is key too. Without trust things will quickly fall apart.

Good points of the distance is that you value your time together more, and if you always make sure you know when you'll and next see each other you have something to look forward to. While you're apart you have more freedom to do whatever you want to I guess..do sports, join societies, whatever.

Our couple is rock solid now, if we can go through 4 years apart we can do anything. If you love her I'd say go for it, you never know until you try. Worst happens it won't work out but at least you gave it a shot and will have no regrets.

Good luck whatever you decide!

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Plumstone
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Long distance relationships are painful, depressing, stressful and nobody should get involved in one unless they genuinely believe that the person is worth the effort.

I've been in an LDR for the past four years and in one month, I'm finally going to move in with my boyfriend which is fantastic, but I'm still spending tonight missing him, wishing he weren't so far away and that I could do more than have a grainy skype conversation with him.

My advice is that you talk to her and agree between you what you want to do. A long distance relationship is not for the faint hearted and you need to go into this with your eyes open.
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InnateRambler
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Isn't the case for everybody but I'm really struggling my current LDR for various reasons I won't really get into, I'll just do a quick summary of thoughts when looking back at my LDR

One kinda of advice I'll say about LDR over university (especially when in different uni's or countries), as its a stage in your life where you will both row as person immensely, you may come to a point where you don't recognise each other, even if you communicate really well and regularly you may realise you act like a completely different person when your not around them. You won't realise these changes most of the time but you do grow and change every minute of every day, at the end you may realise that your not the people you both fell in love with, which sucks but its something that can't be helped.

Unfortunately nobody can tell if it'll work out or not as every relationship is different, just make sure you don't feel like your going to regret trying to stay together if it all goes wrong. Like others have said though doesn't mean things can't work out, plenty of LDR's do.

All this being said if you believe you can make it work and you believe your love for each other is strong enough then you should give a good shot and work at it.
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Devastator
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Long distance doesn't work. It never works. Find some local girls and have fun while you still can, there's no point in getting tied down to one person, especially if she's not in the same city as you. You'll forget about her very quickly, move on with your life and leave her behind.
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la95
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#9
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I'll be leaving my country next year for university leaving my girlfriend behind. I believe I might be in love with her yet I haven't told her yet..
She's a year younger than me and she still has her senior year left, but, after she's done with high school she'll be leaving the country as well..for university.

what are your views on long distance relationships? do they work? I'll be visiting only two-three times a year.

I really like her and it'd really suck if we'd have to end it over distance because everything is going perfectly.
My partner and I have been in a long distance relationship since he moved away to university in September. I generally see him once a fortnight to once a month. Our relationship is great and nothing has really changed between us since he left. In our case, the distance hasn't really made a difference.

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hellodave5
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Talk about the distances. How far?
There are quite a lot of cravats with LDR, but if you're both the 'right kind of people' and feel the other person is worth it, it can work.
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MylittlePlusle
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#11
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Y ou can't touch them, go out or spend time together. Doing things online isn't the same as doing things with someone you can see most of the time. I've had two but I don't count them as anything real. Logically thinking, internet based relationships are illogical.
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Goreviseok
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#12
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I'm in a similar situation too except me and my boyfriend are going into separate unis quite far apart :'( I believe it will work when both of you really want it to, well that's what I'm going to try with mine anyway, if there's a will there's a way!
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I'll be leaving my country next year for university leaving my girlfriend behind. I believe I might be in love with her yet I haven't told her yet..
She's a year younger than me and she still has her senior year left, but, after she's done with high school she'll be leaving the country as well..for university.

what are your views on long distance relationships? do they work? I'll be visiting only two-three times a year.

I really like her and it'd really suck if we'd have to end it over distance because everything is going perfectly.
My view on LDRs is that when we're talking different countries, don't bother unless you're really into it. You said you *might* be in love with her! That doesn't sound enough, but you are willing to visit her which shows promise... I don't think one can generalize that LDRs work or don't. They're more challenging but for sure there are people who make it work.

BTW I'm a hypocrite when it comes to my first point cos I'm more than friends with a guy who lives in another country but not in an official relationship with him either, and I'm not in love with him but I'm ridic and pursuing a long distance *something* with him. Last month we were talking about what we are and he said we're going out and I was like ?? you're my boyfriend ?? and he was like 'why don't we leave this question til next time we see each other' (which will most likely be summer at this point). What the **** does that mean? I'm pretty sure we're not going out in spite of what he said; he calls me a 'friend' not a 'girlfriend'. Anyway, irrelevant sorry.
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Colour Me Pretty
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I think they can but only if there is an end point. I don't think long distances can work if there is no sign of you two being together. I personally hate being in one and have found it difficult. Luckily, I'm moving to the same city as my boyfriend next month for my new job so only have four weeks left of being long distance :woo:


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Makashima
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Some work and some don't. It depends a lot of factors such as commitment and distance and much more.

I don't really have a positive view towards it but a friend of mines LDR worked.

They have been together over two years. The girl is in Denmark and the guy lives in Sweden. The countries are next to each other and about 2 hours train ride. They met up before and stay over at each other houses and gone to UK together for holiday. I'd say they are a very special rare one though.

Also because I saw a lot of people failed too.

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BlueSheep32
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As others have said, it depends on the relationship. Mine turned into an LDR last year and it is difficult, but you do get used to it. We're facing another year of it while my boyfriend goes back to uni further away to do a masters in September, but after that the plan is for him to look for a job near to where I'll be working so we can move in together, which makes it easier for me - it was more difficult when there was a lot of uncertainty but now that's mostly gone for a bit. Distance can get in the way of even what would appear to be the best relationships. My flatmate and her boyfriend, despite making a really good couple, have just mutually broken up after around 8 months of long distance, because they're currently in different countries and neither has any plan to move back/away from where they are, so they can't see a time when they'll be together physically. They're still friends and have said if they are ever in the same place permanently then maybe they could try again. For some couples, the thought of going long distance is too much, and makes them re-evaluate how they feel about the person - IMO the fact that you're thinking about giving it a good go is a good sign.

I think LDRs are always worth a try provided you're committed to the person and you feel like it's worth the effort it will take to maintain a strong relationship. Give it a go, and if it doesn't work out you can say that at least you tried. But remember it will be difficult, and you will need to communicate really well to keep the romance alive and to resolve any differences too, because arguments are much harder when you're not physically together. Don't give up at the first sign of it being difficult because there will be many difficult times, but remember if it's making you more unhappy than happy overall and there's no end in sight to the distance then don't feel like you have to carry on with it. Talk things through with your girlfriend and see what's best for both of you.
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