Struggling to find some friends :(

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JennaWilkins
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I'm a student at Southampton Solent, and earlier this year I lost the majority of my friends to someone who's harassing me behind their backs (I'm worried that if I confront them about it they'll call me a liar, they've been pretty badly manipulated after all)

My confidence has hit rock bottom since then, and I'm desperate to meet some new people, I'm a member of a couple of societies but haven't really had much luck (mostly because I've always struggled socially, I end up feeling incredibly awkward)

Does anyone have any advice on how to broaden my horizons, so to speak? Much appreciated

Jenna xx
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shawn_o1
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if the friends that "dumped" you go to any of the societies you go to, sadly you can't run away from the problem, you have to face it. It's called being a person.
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Daenerys...
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Is that you in the display picture?

If so I can imagine why it's been hard to find friends. Tone down the hair colour and try to be less alternative with your fashion/make up choices.


First impressions count so try to make yourself seem available, upbeat and jovial so people approach you and actually remain interested in talking with you.
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Chicken.M.
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(Original post by Daenerys...)
Is that you in the display picture?

If so I can imagine why it's been hard to find friends. Tone down the hair colour and try to be less alternative with your fashion/make up choices.


First impressions count so try to make yourself seem available, upbeat and jovial so people approach you and actually remain interested in talking with you.
I'd agree lol.

Goths / scene kids look hostile.


I'd still be friends with you though OP.
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Maradiah
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(Original post by Daenerys...)
Is that you in the display picture?

If so I can imagine why it's been hard to find friends. Tone down the hair colour and try to be less alternative with your fashion/make up choices.


First impressions count so try to make yourself seem available, upbeat and jovial so people approach you and actually remain interested in talking with you.
That's inappropriate, how she chooses to dress is her prerogative not yours.

If she wanted fashion and beauty advice she would have asked.

If her friends like her based on her choice of garments, then they are not worth her time or consideration to be friends in the first place.
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Daenerys...
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(Original post by ChickenMadness)
I'd agree lol.

Goths / scene kids look hostile.


I'd still be friends with you though OP.

Exactly, there's stereotypes with goths/emos and the OP is portraying that with her appearance. I'm glad I wasn't the only one that picked up on this.



(Original post by Maradiah)
That's inappropriate, how she chooses to dress is her prerogative not yours.

If she wanted fashion and beauty advice she would have asked.

If her friends like her based on her choice of garments, then they are not worth her time or consideration to be friends in the first place.

Well she is looking to find friends and the OP sounds desperate. I don't see anything wrong with compromising on somethings if it means that you will gain something else that you want in this case it's friends.


Fitting in is something that every grown up has to do whether it is at work or at uni. One way of fitting in is through dressing in a less conspicuous manner.

She can show her true self when she finds like-minded buddies, in the meantime the OP will have to grin and bear it.
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Zeetingman
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First impressions count mate, you can't walk into an Interview with scrappy clothes. The employer may not employ you simply because of that.

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thewishfulwriter
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(Original post by JennaWilkins)
I'm a student at Southampton Solent, and earlier this year I lost the majority of my friends to someone who's harassing me behind their backs (I'm worried that if I confront them about it they'll call me a liar, they've been pretty badly manipulated after all)

My confidence has hit rock bottom since then, and I'm desperate to meet some new people, I'm a member of a couple of societies but haven't really had much luck (mostly because I've always struggled socially, I end up feeling incredibly awkward)

Does anyone have any advice on how to broaden my horizons, so to speak? Much appreciated

Jenna xx
Try speaking up in a society meeting about something that interests you. Even if you just say one thing, it might give you the confidence to keep doing so. Other people may continue to chat to you and if you share opinions, this may help.

If there's a social event the society is hosting/you've been invited to, go along. If you get nervous around such situations, just tell yourself you'll only go for a set time (e.g. 2 hours, or whatever you think is best) and stay and try saying hello and making conversation with other people attending. Even if all you say is "I love your scarf!" or something, they'll appreciate you being friendly.

Striking a conversation with people in your lectures or seminars can help, too (even if it's just a simple "how was your weekend?") You may learn you have more in common with people than you realise.

Don't worry about your old friends - you'll always find some new people, even if it takes a little while.

Try not to let it get you down though!
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HattiJay
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I will be your friend lovely! I'm coming to Solent in September!
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Solent University, Southampton Student Ambassador
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Hi Jenna

My name is Marica and I am the student ambassador here at Solent.

I am very sorry hear that. From what I know there are no society meetings or sessions this time of the year. But my suggestion would be go on www.solentsu.co.uk and search for the societies on the site. There are plenty of societies who have events published on Facebook and through that site you will be able to find them on Facebook.

I am the president of the International society and we are looking to recruit a new team for the next academic year. If you would be interested give us a shout on Facebook.

It would be awesome to have you there. However if you decide not then don't worry. although we are still there for you if you need to talk. My another advice would be to go to speak with students union. They are advisors who can help. I have met many people with similar problems.

Don't be afraid because it is not you who is the problem. It is them who have the problem. I hope you know that!!

M.
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Eveiebaby
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Screw trying to fit in appearance wise.if you can't do it at uni? When can you express yourself?!

I was covered in piercings and had pink hair at uni and still had plenty of friends. Perhaps find people with similar interests as you. Like usually attracts like. No point forming superficial relationships with people who get freaked out by coloured hair. Oh noes!

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