The Student Room Group

Pregnant from a one night stand and feel preasured to have an abortion

Hello

I am 19 and recently found out I am 6 and a half weeks pregnant from a one night stand. I did not set out to have a one night stand but I am not naive enough to think that this man wants more. I know sex was all it was and that was fine and he has said this to me. He is 28 and already has a 5 year old daughter.

I am a student at university and have just finished my first year, but I have moved back home with my parent's and will be taking my second year at the uni in my home town. I understand being a student and a mother will be hard both financially and emotionally but I have spoken to my mum, although disappointed she has said she will support me in what ever I do. Financially they are both stable (both are solicitors) and emotionally I know they will do their best to help me however they can. The father of the child is a professional rugby player although I can't have the expectation that he will help out because I doubt that very much.

I told the man I was pregnant over text because we live 3 hours away (as I moved home from uni he lives in London which is where I went to uni) he was calm about it and told me it would all be okay and all I needed to do was go to the doctors and get two pills and it would be over with. I kept changing the subject as I didn't like the fact he didn't ask me what I wanted to do and he then asked me if I was okay to get the abortion. I explained that I didn't know how I felt.

He told me that he understood and he is pro life (he's Catholic) but in these situations its horrible and bringing a child in to the world from a one nighter is a horrible way of bringing life in to the world. He said that at 6 weeks the baby is smaller than a poppy seed and its not turned in to a baby yet but it is just cells that are waiting to turn in to a baby. He said that he can not have another baby out of wedlock and doesn't want two children by two different woman and doesn't want to be a bad parent. He said we cab't have a kid together when he don't know each other.

I explained that I did understand what he was saying but I didn't share the same views and that I would consider abortion but I am not giving him my guarantee. He said that I need to think quickly before it turns in to a baby as he said if I was two weeks further on then he wouldn't tell me to get an abortion as he wouldn't agree with it any longer. I have told him I need a week or so to think and he keeps saying a week is to long.

I asked what would happen if I kept the child and he asked me if it was a threat, I explained it wasn't and I just needed his view. He said well obviously if that's what I want then he can't do anything about it but he wouldn't feel strongly about the baby because of how it was created and he can't imagine telling anyone. I told him about the idea of adoption and he said if I did do that then he would have to assume I got an abortion as he couldn't give his baby away to strangers. He said if I did choose to get an abortion he would come down and get a hotel for himself so he could come to the doctors with me and has said he will do all the talking if that's what I want, he has even canceled going to Thailand this week because of this situation.

Yesterday I paid for an early scan to check I was the correct gestation (there was a minor possibility I was over 17 weeks pregnant as I had protected sex with someone else 17 weeks ago but didn't expect to be as it was protected and had periods etc) it confirmed I was just over 6 weeks. It had a little heartbeat too. I messaged him and said I had been for my scan and baby has a heartbeat too, i would think about abortion but right now im just lost and he messaged me back saying "ok please keep me updated and if you need anything let me know"

I have very strong morals and beliefs on abortion, whilst no one can justify their opinion on a subject that isn't definitive I personally believe it isn't right, especially after seeing the little heart beat I just can't do it. I do not know how to tell him this or how he will re act to this news?
Right so the important thing is to be sure what you want to do. If it's having the baby then go ahead. From what you've said about the father he's a pretty despicable, unprincipled, unreliable type so you have to expect to be on your own. So do what you want to do and he'll have to put up with it. Do not be influenced by his lack of empathy for you or his selfishness. Just give him the news simply, broach no argument and continue with your plans. If he decides to offer support, financial or other, good but it seems a long shot.

You need to make plans. It seems that your family will support/help you financially. Adding up the months, it seems as if you will be giving birth mid Autumn term if you go ahead with continuing your education next year. You may want to consider taking a year out , many people do for various reasons. Your uni will have met this situation countless times before and will no doubt make suggestions to help.

There are a lot of positives in this, you know. Having a baby is a wonderful thing. You will give a lot of pleasure to yourself and all your family. I've yet to meet anyone who is not tickled pink at having a youngster in the family. They'll all be fighting over who can look after her/him.

What seems like a terrible problem now will seem like a joyful serendipity in no time.

I knew a girl who had a baby in the Sixth form, she went to Uni , got her degree , fine.
Another friend of my mother's had her baby during finals for medicine. Didn't stop her being first in the year and going on to have a very successful career in Public Health.

So think positive. plan and you'll be rewarded by having a great addition to your family. All of us are faced with unexpected situations and challenges. The point is to it your best shot, just get on with it and you'll be rewarded over time. Good luck.
(edited 8 years ago)
Reply 2
So you have ONS without protection? you want to keep a child at 19 while still going to uni? The guy is pro-life but wants you to have an abortion?

Is it a troll?
she said that he said he was usually pro life but now he is in the situation he is thinking otherwise, and clearly she did have a one night stand with no protection.

I too have a baby, he's 5 months old now and I'm still at uni. Your baby will probably be born during the Christmas holidays which will give you some time off. If you want to keep the baby be straight with him and tell him his next steps are beyond your control so do not get geared up that he will come around. That said from what you're saying he said it seems like he doesn't want another baby but if you did have it he would feel complied to look after it.
What was your first reaction when you found out you were pregnant?
I'd take my time to think about what you're going to do and not just make a decision based on what anyone else has.
You need to be prepared for the fact that the father of the baby may not be involved in the child's life. Or maybe he might come around after he thinks about it a little bit more.
Are you against abortion?
You can take a year out and have the baby and then return to university next year the baby will be nine months old. You could either enroll the baby in daycare or have someone look after it.
Have you told your parents?



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