He's almost 22 I've just turned 16

Well that's the basics. Cliché younger girl involved with an older guy. He's 21 and I'm 16 so legally we're all good.

Morally I think it's okay but he's worried what people, mainly his mates, may think of us. He doesn't want to go public with our relationship until I finish school in a couple months. He says he thinks his friends would take the mick out of both of us. I'm perfectly fine with keeping it quiet just now if he wants to but I think he's being overly cautious.

Just out of curiously how would most guys react to their friend dating a younger girl? Particularly in a situation like mine?

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Reply 1

AvaAdore

This has very little chance of lasting, so do you really want to put yourself through the hassle? You will likely be in radically different places soon and although you think you know yourself well at 16, few people do. I thought I knew everything at 16 and the vast changes in only a couple of years in my outlook, goals, things ive experienced and learnt and how I've grown make it seem a lifetime ago.

go for it if you want but you should prepare yourself for the problems that you'll face. Age differences don't have to matter, but they tend to when one party is at an age of great change and learning.

lastly, if he is serious about you, a real man won't worry about his friends taking the mick. That suggests he's either not serious about you, is ashamed, just wants sex or is very immature for his age.i would be wary.

Reply 2

timetoella

How did you meet/how do you know eachother?

Reply 3

bittr n swt

I wouldn't care but I know a few who would take the mick.
He'll probably take advantage of you sooner or later

He's 22 fgs not 18...

Reply 4

Best of Luck

Original post by Anonymous

I would definitely be disapproving, there is a massive maturity gap (no offense intended) between 16 and 21, for example, in 2 years, he could have finished uni and be in a career looking to save to put a deposit on a house etc.

You on the other hand, would be worrying about your school grades and whether you can get into the uni you want (this is all theorectical ofcourse), and most likely won't have had a job yet.

I find as was said above, that the ages will most likely tear you apart, and one of you will move on very quickly due to your lives being at such different points. I also, wouldnt trust a guy my age going for a school girl, its extremely creepy and I would ask why he would even consider doing it.

Original post by AvaAdore

lastly, if he is serious about you, a real man won't worry about his friends taking the mick. That suggests he's either not serious about you, is ashamed, just wants sex or is very immature for his age.i would be wary.

A "real man" wouldn't go for a school girl, and knowing that, he wants to keep it a secret, he knows its not right, and that all his friends would judge him because it is very morally questionable.

Don't mean to cause any grief with what I said, just trying to give you another point of view.

I get the attraction of an older guy, but you have to ask why he is attracted to school girls when he is a fully formed adult male.

Best of luck!

Reply 5

DorianGrayism

Tbh, I think he is more worried about people thinking he is a bit of a "pedo" than a couple of his mates taking the piss.

Reply 6

Plumstone

I understand why people are concerned about this age gap, but I met my boyfriend when I was 17 and he was 29. It's true that I did mature between the ages of 16 and 17 (mainly through leaving school and starting college) but I don't think it was enough of a difference that we would have been completely incompatible with each other if we'd met a year earlier.

He is probably worried about the things that people will call him (my boyfriend has received many variations on the theme of "cradle-snatcher", "perv", "dirty old man" ,"Jimmy Saville impersonator" etc) and I can understand his concern, but if he really likes you then I would have thought it wouldn't matter to him what his friends think.

You can probably expect a few "paedo" comments and some raised eyebrows for a while, but by the time you're 20 and he's 26, nobody will bat an eyelid.

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

My sister met her boyfriend when she just turned 16, he was 21.

Several years later they're happily married. Saying that, every situation is different.

Reply 8

Anonymous #3

21 year old guy, dated a 16 year old girl for a bit.

Yeah the pedo shout and the side looks are a thing. It is something for him to be worried about. Don't take it as he's ashamed of you or anything.

I would question whether the relationship is really worth it for you, just because 16 year old girls, and 21 year old guys are both pretty unstable. But I'm a cynic because my own one didn't work.

Reply 9

Anonymous #4

I don't quite think it's 'pedo-status' (although some outsiders may think that), in the olden days such age gaps were more common.

But that said, I don't think it will be a compatible/worthwhile relationship worth pursuing, as your lives will be totally different.

Just move on.

Reply 10

Feline_Nymphet

Why all the Anons? :colonhash:

Don't bother posting if you're too insecure to show yourself. Anyway I was 15 and lost my...fruit basket :colone:

to a 24 yr old. So I think your age range is fine. Man as long as it's legal who cares. And I totally disagree and puke on the above comment.

Reply 11

Best of Luck

Original post by Feline_Nymphet

fruit basket :colone:

pretty sure i will have nightmares tonight

Reply 12

cherryred90s

Original post by Anonymous

Is your boyfriends name Tyga by any chance?

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 13

AvaAdore

Original post by Plumstone

I understand why people are concerned about this age gap, but I met my boyfriend when I was 17 and he was 29. It's true that I did mature between the ages of 16 and 17 (mainly through leaving school and starting college) but I don't think it was enough of a difference that we would have been completely incompatible with each other if we'd met a year earlier.He is probably worried about the things that people will call him (my boyfriend has received many variations on the theme of "cradle-snatcher", "perv", "dirty old man" ,"Jimmy Saville impersonator" etc) and I can understand his concern, but if he really likes you then I would have thought it wouldn't matter to him what his friends think.You can probably expect a few "paedo" comments and some raised eyebrows for a while, but by the time you're 20 and he's 26, nobody will bat an eyelid.

sure it works sometimes but it's rare. My point didn't reference the cradle robbing concerns- these things rarely work long term because 16 year olds go through an awful lot of changes.

to the guy who said a real man wouldn't date a 16 year old - I don't think that's necessarily a fair thing to say. 16 is legal, these things don't always go the way you hoped. However the fact he is worried about people taking the mick suggests this is not a situation he takes seriously and he didn't fall madly in love despite the age difference.

Reply 14

Feline_Nymphet

Original post by Best of Luck

pretty sure i will have nightmares tonight

Aw, don't you like fruit? :colone:

Reply 15

Feline_Nymphet

Original post by AvaAdore

Will it not last because of the age gap or will it not last because she is 16 and "will be a different person in a couple of years?" :confused:

I disagree with the age gap being an issue. 5 yrs is not a gap at all; it's damn near ideal for a woman. I do agree that she is 16 and too young to date at all though. I do not attribute failure to the 5 yr difference.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Original post by timetoella

How did you meet/how do you know eachother?

We met through a friend. My friend's 18 so he originally thought I was older but I told him my real age when we started talking

Reply 17

Plumstone

Original post by AvaAdore

I agree that it's quite rare for these things to work and I would advise them to be careful and make sure they're compatible and ensure that it's what they want - as with any new relationship.

I don't, however, think it's necessarily the case that this guy isn't taking it seriously:

Personally, I was very secretive about my relationship in the beginning and it was a good few months before I told any of my friends. Sometimes it's good to test the waters and see if it works out before spreading the news and inviting other people to tease you make fun of your new relationship.

I appreciate the potential difficulties of relationships with age gaps, but if I had listened to all the naysayers when I was getting to know my boyfriend, then I would have missed out on a fantastic relationship which is still going strong four years later. I'm just trying to inject some positive reassurance to balance out the concerns.