The Student Room Group

Just don't know what I want!

Half of this post probably isn't 100% to do with my health, or with relationships, but everything does somehow link together.

I'm an 18-year-old male, and I'm in my first year of University, and I'm having a really great time. I've never been more confident, and I've never had so much self-esteem, but at the same time something just isn't right. I'm starting to realise more about myself and that maybe I'm just too concerned about things that I didn't ever think I was concerned about. I wonder sometimes if I've got my priorities screwed up, and whether I'm going about things the right way. One minute something is a priority, and the next something else is, I just don't know what I want!

On one hand, because of a recent almost-relationship with a really cool girl I met through a friend I'm suddenly a lot more confident. Before I'd met her, I was more concerned with finding a girlfriend than just having a good time, because a) It had never really seemed like I could pull off the whole 'having a good time' thing and b) I was really interested in finding someone I could be emotionally attached to. But because of my experience with her (I found myself stressing over how she felt about me and all that) when she called the whole thing off I felt relieved. I suddenly took a different outlook on life which was that I could have fun in terms of my love life, if I played my cards right, which I felt like I could (and sorta still do feel like I can). It should be known I suppose, that I am a virgin still. It's never seemed like such a big deal to me. Occasionally I think 'how embarrassing, I'm such a loser' but it's very rare. I know that a lot of people stay virgins for a long time, not necessarily because they're devout Catholics but because that's just how it's turned out for them so far. What I'm getting at though is that I can't claim to be any sort of sex god or "player" now, can I?

But I do feel confident about myself. Because I somehow attracted a very good-looking and interesting girl who I'd only just met I feel I am able to play the field a little bit. A girl I know may have been flirting with me a little bit the other day, I thought, when she was suddenly interested in whether I had a girlfriend. She asked in the same way that people tend to do when they're trying to be subtle yet at the same time quite obvious and a male friend of mine seemed to pick up on it. I told her I wasn't really interested in having a girlfriend at the moment, just want to have fun, and she sort of slyly said "yeah that's a good way to be". Maybe it's my ego playing tricks on me but at least I felt good about that, right?

Aside from romantic hopes I also feel like I want to be slightly popular, you know? I've always been liked. People like me, but only some people. I had a pretty small group of friends at school and suddenly I'm presented with the opportunity to make loads of friends. I have already, and I do cherish these friendships, but there are some other people I'd like to get to know better, who I have more in common with. I think that'd be great.

But now disregard all of that and see the other side of me. The side that wants to completely ignore all sex-related and love-related issues in favour of personal achievement and eventually doing some good in the world. The side that wants to make it big in some way, achieve a lot, make a lot of money, support my family, give something back to all the people who have helped me out and all the people who deserve it, and still live comfortably. To be recognised as an entrepreneur and decent person. Recognised. I want to be able to concentrate on my uni work, yet also get a bit of business done (web design) and write some music, and put it out there.

Do I want to play the field so I can be recognised by my peers for it, or because I just want to be able to say I've lived a little when I'm grey and old, and married with children? Do I want to do it in the hopes that I'll meet someone who it makes me truly happy to be with?

And do I want to be recognised in order to be admired by people so that the romantic and social side of my aspirations can be fulfilled?

And if they aren't related, how can I find a good balance? Or, assuming that the latter (my aspirations to achieve things in a non-romantic setting) is more important in the big picture and at the moment, how can I make myself focus on just this?

I'm sorry for the long post, and sorry if it's slightly confusing, but I've been thinking about this a lot, and somehow all of my worries tend to come straight back to one key thing - I just don't know what I want. I'd really appreciate any advice, or ideas, or experience people can share with me. Thank you for taking the time to actually read this far!:smile:

P.S.: I don't want to make out like I'm depressed or anything... I'm generally feeling quite happy, but this is still bothering me.

Reply 1

Well, when you find an answer, inform me.

Reply 2

You're a great help, thank you...

Reply 3

:confused: well that was something to read. you really could make an effort and be concise,
I don't think you'd need all that to say you're not sure whether you want to be Casanova or (Succesful) Family Guy.
Why not be Casanova for your time at Uni anyway, and who knows you might meet the girl of your dreams. If not you had fun. Why decide now?

Just do your absolute best and have no regrets and rethink the Casanova persona when you've graduated. :smile:

Reply 4

I guess what I'm worried about is that if I try too hard with that, I'll forget about my work responsibilities and maybe even screw myself up.

The reason my post was so long, too, is because it's a lot deeper than that. On the work side there's so much I want to do, but motivation to do it is difficult to get going. How can I do that? I keep telling myself, when I'm at uni, get work done first, then go out and have fun at night, but it's never that easy, as much as I know it should be!

Thanks for your help so far :smile: for putting it so simply. I suppose using the name Casanova isn't really applicable to me. That's not me at all, I don't think I can quite pull that off, y'know?