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Have you ever come across people that seem "nice" but aren't

not sure how to effectively put this into words but recently I've been thinking about some people in my life.

These people seem "nice" - people would describe them in this way and maybe they'd even call themselves nice too. But dig a little deeper and its apparent, they can be very nasty. A lot more nasty than someone who doesn't come across "nice" from the first instance

For me, I spent a lot of time thinking I was being overly sensitive and it was my fault for interpreting things wrong. It can just be very subtle things but consistent over time - small digs, small snipes. Something you may not bat an eyelid to however put everything together an it's a different story. Maybe not even directed personally but said about others so you still feel conscious about yourself.

It took me quite some time to actually make the link tht they are actually not nice at all. Just present an aura that makes them seem a certain way.

Can anyone relate or have I been very innocent and naive with people?

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Reply 1
Original post by Reckless77
not sure how to effectively put this into words but recently I've been thinking about some people in my life.

These people seem "nice" - people would describe them in this way and maybe they'd even call themselves nice too. But dig a little deeper and its apparent, they can be very nasty. A lot more nasty than someone who doesn't come across "nice" from the first instance

For me, I spent a lot of time thinking I was being overly sensitive and it was my fault for interpreting things wrong. It can just be very subtle things but consistent over time - small digs, small snipes. Something you may not bat an eyelid to however put everything together an it's a different story. Maybe not even directed personally but said about others so you still feel conscious about yourself.

It took me quite some time to actually make the link tht they are actually not nice at all. Just present an aura that makes them seem a certain way.

Can anyone relate or have I been very innocent and naive with people?


I can relate; it's probably a mixture of growing-up, innocence and realising that the perfect and clean-cut Mary Poppins smokes as well : /
(edited 9 years ago)
i can. I think that im a generally nice person who tries to turn the other cheek OR meet people half-way and whatnot. But I recently just realised that my apparent "friends" arent really friends to me. I noticed it for a while but shrugged it off and blamed myself for being closed off again. It wasnt until one incident that i decided enough and kept a noticeable distance from them. I still talk to them but im not as open as i used to be.
Its annoying that these things still keep happening to me but i always figured there are worse problem in the world. Shrug it off, learn and move on.
Reply 3
Original post by knightandday
i can. I think that im a generally nice person who tries to turn the other cheek OR meet people half-way and whatnot. But I recently just realised that my apparent "friends" arent really friends to me. I noticed it for a while but shrugged it off and blamed myself for being closed off again. It wasnt until one incident that i decided enough and kept a noticeable distance from them. .


Mind if I ask what happened?
Reply 4
A lot of people actually. Kinda disappointing.
Reply 5
Yeah, I can't remember who said it but there's a good quote about how rare continuity is in peoples personalities. As long as you don't have this quality then it doesn't matter about other people - you need to be happy with yourself
Reply 6
Original post by knightandday
i can. I think that im a generally nice person who tries to turn the other cheek OR meet people half-way and whatnot. But I recently just realised that my apparent "friends" arent really friends to me. I noticed it for a while but shrugged it off and blamed myself for being closed off again. It wasnt until one incident that i decided enough and kept a noticeable distance from them. I still talk to them but im not as open as i used to be.
Its annoying that these things still keep happening to me but i always figured there are worse problem in the world. Shrug it off, learn and move on.


Sounds like me. I'm laid back and actively try not to get offended, always turning the other cheek. But it's just irritating they still identify as "nice people" and act hard done by if they're called out on it.

I'm keeping a distance too but is it worth keeping people like this in life if they're just looking to bring you down whenever possible?

Also what was this incident if you don't mind?
(edited 9 years ago)
I don't know. I think that nobody is perfect. I try my best to be a nice person, but sometimes my mood changes. It doesn't mean a person is bad. I just keep trying to fix my mistakes. Lots of people make mistakes.
Yeah how about every girl I meet on a night out, feel like I am getting along and they decide not to text me back next few days.
But this fuels my need to gym and in the last year I have become excessively big, due to my hate of females! But I can't seem to make the choice in becoming gay! (It's obviously not a choice), so I am stuck in a sexually frustrated limbo!

This is how I interpreted this question!

But I also have a friend who I was practically best friends with, we used to spend 70% of free time with each other, similar interested and whatever else. Even though I had a massive change of lifestyle and wanted to go out do things, he was kinda just happy with wasting away, bit childish.
I then rediscovered some old friends and we started to hang out and made some new friends, I TRIED my best to involve my long time friend, but he was resisting and getting jealous I wasn't spending more time with him (Weirdo brolateenship) and an incident which accorded brought our MASSIVE differences to light. Eventually just stopped talking to him and have since had a MUCH better time. (He although a waster, managed to sort his life out a bit too)
Reply 9
Original post by Ursin
Yeah, I can't remember who said it but there's a good quote about how rare continuity is in peoples personalities. As long as you don't have this quality then it doesn't matter about other people - you need to be happy with yourself


It's just disappointing. That's all. But you're right :smile:
Reply 10
Original post by Naveed-7
I don't know. I think that nobody is perfect. I try my best to be a nice person, but sometimes my mood changes. It doesn't mean a person is bad. I just keep trying to fix my mistakes. Lots of people make mistakes.


Obviously I don't write off people due to bad moods. We all have those, that's fine. This is more of personality trait that goes unnoticed just because people present themselves as nice but perhaps it takes a while to desconstruct their words / motives behind such words

Also I think you have the right attitude as in you try to fix it. In my experience with the people I refer to, they're quite oblivious to everything
(edited 9 years ago)
Yes. Unfortunately.
My doctor is like that.
Reply 13
Original post by UKIProud
My doctor is like that.


Duno why that made me lol a bit :p: care to explain?
Original post by Reckless77
Duno why that made me lol a bit :p: care to explain?


He's nice to your face but I come from a small village where everyone knows and sees everyone else, I overhead him in the pub the other day chatting crap about patients for ages.
Reply 15
Original post by UKIProud
He's nice to your face but I come from a small village where everyone knows and sees everyone else, I overhead him in the pub the other day chatting crap about patients for ages.


Aw yeah tht sounds like one of the people I'm talking about. Person b asked this person for help. He helped them so it's all well and good then bitched about it after for ages, ie why did person b come to me for help like i got nothing better to do etc.

So obviously makes u think u should never ask this person for help even though they're meant to be a friend because God knows how they'll truly feel about it. Why be so fake.
Reply 16
Original post by Shellshocker93
Yeah how about every girl I meet on a night out, feel like I am getting along and they decide not to text me back next few days.
But this fuels my need to gym and in the last year I have become excessively big, due to my hate of females! But I can't seem to make the choice in becoming gay! (It's obviously not a choice), so I am stuck in a sexually frustrated limbo!

This is how I interpreted this question!

But I also have a friend who I was practically best friends with, we used to spend 70% of free time with each other, similar interested and whatever else. Even though I had a massive change of lifestyle and wanted to go out do things, he was kinda just happy with wasting away, bit childish.
I then rediscovered some old friends and we started to hang out and made some new friends, I TRIED my best to involve my long time friend, but he was resisting and getting jealous I wasn't spending more time with him (Weirdo brolateenship) and an incident which accorded brought our MASSIVE differences to light. Eventually just stopped talking to him and have since had a MUCH better time. (He although a waster, managed to sort his life out a bit too)


Hmm yeah people tend to drift apart esp if lifestyle choices differ a lot. Do u not keep in touch at all? And you're happier for it?
Original post by Reckless77
Hmm yeah people tend to drift apart esp if lifestyle choices differ a lot. Do u not keep in touch at all? And you're happier for it?


I saw him on a night out not long ago and simply blanked him, so don't really keep in contact at all. The thing is, having stopped hanging with him, I have found more time to do better things, like taking a heavy backpack off.
My friends now are his old friends who I met through school, through him oddly enough! But he became so anti-social, and not like he was avoid sociality but it was embarrassing to introduce him to people, it is hard to explain but it eventually became "Let's throw a house party, but how do we avoid inviting "Dave" to it?"

I am explaining this because I feel like the "Nice" people in your post. Myself and my friends are genuinely great people and are incredibly diverse in lifestyles and life goals, were as I am a "jock" type, my better mates now are musicians and we get along with literally everyone (got invited to a party are a Jamaican residency to jam and smoke the other week), but sometimes you've got to cut loose, and I really hope you're not the "Dave" in my story.
Reply 18
Original post by Shellshocker93
I saw him on a night out not long ago and simply blanked him, so don't really keep in contact at all. The thing is, having stopped hanging with him, I have found more time to do better things, like taking a heavy backpack off.
My friends now are his old friends who I met through school, through him oddly enough! But he became so anti-social, and not like he was avoid sociality but it was embarrassing to introduce him to people, it is hard to explain but it eventually became "Let's throw a house party, but how do we avoid inviting "Dave" to it?"

I am explaining this because I feel like the "Nice" people in your post. Myself and my friends are genuinely great people and are incredibly diverse in lifestyles and life goals, were as I am a "jock" type, my better mates now are musicians and we get along with literally everyone (got invited to a party are a Jamaican residency to jam and smoke the other week), but sometimes you've got to cut loose, and I really hope you're not the "Dave" in my story.


I wouldn't say you were like the "nice" people I speak of - I think you gave this guy the opportunity. He just didn't want to take it. I'm not like that. I'm very forthcoming and relaxed.

I just don't like it when people act in a less than respectable manner. I've thought back to some comments that were made that I shrugged off at the time. I can now see they were quite malicious said for no other purpose than to cause grief - my issue is really that people like this don't get called out often enough because apparenty they're nice

I didn't really think you were like the above just for simply moving on from someone you don't have much in common with. That's just life.
Most people in life will screw you over given the chance.