HP again- 50 ways to annoy Voldemort

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lou p lou
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Someone e-mailed this to me + i thought the Harry Potter fans out there might appreciate it- apologies to the non-fans, we will get over this phase of HP talk in a months or so...


Ways to annoy Voldemort

1. Ask him why he doesn't have such a cool scar.


2. Ask him if he has any grey poupon.


3. Wake him up by singing Aretha Franklin, "I will survive..."


4. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'


5. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.


6. Smile during Death-Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.


7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.


8. Dance the Funky Chicken.


9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath


10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.


11. If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.


12. Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.


13. Call him 'The-man-who-let-the-boy-live'


14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'


15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.


16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.


17. Be cheerful.


18. When he tries to impress you with his powers say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!'


19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.


20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'


21. Teach him how to spit tobacco.


22. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? Whats that, a washing detergent?'


23. Keep a 'good-behavior chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.


24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.


25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there....


26. Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?


27. Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you.


28. 'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Ever?'


29. Tell him he should really try the 12-step program (baby steps) for Evil Overlords - Evil Overlords Anonymous.


30. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.


31. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.


32. Exclaim sarcastically 'You're breakin' my little heart here, dark one' whenever he starts to talk of what has caused to become who he is.


33. Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'


34. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.


35. Mock his choice of Quirrel as a 'host'.


36. Tell him you think a yoga class could 'cure him of his wicked ways'


37. Get the song 'Mr. Tambourine Man' stuck in his head.


38. If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you 'thought you were helping!'


39. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.


40. Buy him a stress ball.


41. Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.


42. Call him Tommy-boy.


43. If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.


44. Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.


45. Say he 'looked better under the turban'


46. Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.


47. Teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.


48. Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.


49. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.


50. 'Imperius' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful'

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Xenon
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#2
Report 16 years ago
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Hey, you can also do the Imperious curse, and get them to go round singing ring a ring a roses when they are supposed to be surrounding someone, closing in on him or her.
Make the meeting place nice and cheerful. A big no-no for Voldie.
Put enchanted mirrors around the place, which remind him constantly what an ugly old git he is.
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AllergicToFairydust
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Report 16 years ago
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I think he'd have two words to say to you if you try any of these.

AVADA KEDAVRA

(Anyone else noticed how these two words are like Abra Kadabra? - a tiny bit)
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Ollie
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#4
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yeah i noticed that-i like the list-very good
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