Are you meant to be "grown up" at 21?

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Lisagurlxx
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I have a degree and just started my first proper job but dont feel "grown up" at all. A lot of my friends from uni were from more "upper class" backgrounds and could afford to go travelling/volunteer for charity and so on a lot more than I have at my age. I dont even have a car yet.

Are you meant to be grown up at 21?
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WildBerrySpirit
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That would depend on what your definition of a 'grown up' is?

If we're talking about maturity, I'd hazard a guess and steer it in the late 20's or 30+ category. I'd like to think that your twenties are for discovering or even rediscovering yourself; the following quote sums it up for me really.

“Your 20’s are your ‘selfish’ years. It’s a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time, and all the aspects of you. Tinker with ****, travel, explore, love a lot, love a little, and never touch the ground.”
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somethingbeautiful
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(Original post by WildBerrySpirit)
That would depend on what your definition of a 'grown up' is?

If we're talking about maturity, I'd hazard a guess and steer it in the late 20's or 30+ category. I'd like to think that your twenties are for discovering or even rediscovering yourself; the following quote sums it up for me really.

“Your 20’s are your ‘selfish’ years. It’s a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time, and all the aspects of you. Tinker with ****, travel, explore, love a lot, love a little, and never touch the ground.”
I agree with this and weirdly I just read that quote about 10 mins ago on pinterest.

OP, there's no official age where you start to feel grown up. I'm a few years older than you and only just started to feel like an adult in the last year - you'll know it when it hits you. To be honest, I would have preferred to stay feeling like a kid for a while longer. Some people in their 30s+ still act really immature so it's different for everyone.

The older I get the more I realise that no one has a clue what they're doing - we're all just making it up as we go along and we're all just kids but with bank accounts and responsibilities.

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queen-bee
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I'm in my early 20s and I still don't feel grown up
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Maradiah
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No I am almost 20 and I still like to swing on swings and use the slides and seesaw at kid's playground areas.:teeth:
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NathanW18
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Hopefully not, since I'm almost 26 and don't feel 'grown up' yet.
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Shellshocker93
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Everyone has different definitions of when they should grow up, however "growing up" and becoming the typical suburban family in the early 20's is a real loss to the individual, I now a large variety of people in their 20's and their progress in life is ranging from Welfare & Weed to Travelling the world, full time career employment and partying. Ideally 20's is the real fun years, never mind teenager years, mine were wasted in school!

If you feel satisfied with your life at 21, you're either damn rich or real boring. I've just quit a decent "career" job to take a year out and travel and make a documentary about my travels, I thought it would be fun to do one day, the idea stuck and I am for filling it, because my greatest fear is lying on my death bed with tons of regret!

So not feeling grown up at 21 is not only normal, it is very "healthy" and don't get comfortable!
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PinkMobilePhone
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Really depends who you speak to. Ask someone in their 80s and they'd tell you that in their day 21 year olds were getting married, fighting in wars, raising families etc. So yes, definitely.
As someone in their 20s now and they'd say no, because these days even people in their 30s a lot of the time are behaving and being treated like teenagers.
It's the paradigm shift.

I got married at 17, owned my own home at 18 and moved in with my fiance just before I was 19, and got married and had my first child at 21. So yeah, to me 21 was grown up.

Some other 21 year olds are less mature than my 9 year old kid though.

Swings and roundabouts.
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Vixen47
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You reminded me of this.
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newttella
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It of course varies from person to person. I think having a job helps people grow up. You will probably change a lot afterwards. They tend to build confidence and independence, more so if you actually enjoy them to some extent and are content with performing them properly. Also, serious relationships do that too because they require mature things such as 'commitment'. And large amounts of nutella consumption are also useful.

Don't have a car yet? That's not a big deal. In some places, cars are not even necessary due to short distances between home and the workplace, etc. Of course, if it makes you feel more confident, why not save up for one and get one? You have started your first job, after all. Work hard, set goals, and, voila, you're a grown up.

As for your friends having grown up differently, come on, everyone has a different life growing up. That's over and done it. Focus on your life now.

-"newt tell ya"
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Ribbits
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Naaaaah man. 21?!

Why would you want to be tied down to unnecessary financial responsibilities, for the sake of an appearance or a feeling of maturity?

If you can live most happily in a house share, with no car, making your own sandwiches to go on day trips to the seaside, museums or cities, going to live concerts and hanging out with mobs of people clowning around on occassion - why not? I use this as an example because that's me at 23. I am engaged, but we still live an enviable teenager style life really.

We would like our own place, pets and a more steady lifestyle at some point. Just not for a good many years yet.
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somethingbeautiful
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(Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
Really depends who you speak to. Ask someone in their 80s and they'd tell you that in their day 21 year olds were getting married, fighting in wars, raising families etc. So yes, definitely.
As someone in their 20s now and they'd say no, because these days even people in their 30s a lot of the time are behaving and being treated like teenagers.
It's the paradigm shift.

I got married at 17, owned my own home at 18 and moved in with my fiance just before I was 19, and got married and had my first child at 21. So yeah, to me 21 was grown up.

Some other 21 year olds are less mature than my 9 year old kid though.

Swings and roundabouts.
I understand what you're saying with this and I don't think you mean anything else by it other than what you've written and for you obviously having kids and getting married was the stage in your life where you felt grown up. But, I personally don't think that marriage and kids is the definition of 'grown up' for everyone - it is to some people but I know plenty of very immature people from school who had kids as teenagers and married in their 20s and they still act like children themselves. Maybe they feel like adults, I don't know, but they don't project that image other than the fact that they've done 'adult things'.

I'm a lot more mature and responsible as a childless mid twenties graduate than people I know from my school who don't work or do anything in particular but are married with children and have a house of their own (not mortgaged but not living in a bedsit or with their parents). So yeah, I don't think doing certain things makes someone an adult, I think it's the way they behave, their sense of responsibility for themselves and their outlook on life.
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Rovey
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I'm 21 at 18 i felt like a little boy and now a teenager.
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James E Walker
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I felt grown up at the age of 6, that's why I'm somewhat succesful in my late 10s
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A5ko
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You're only as young as the child you feel.


.. No, wait that's not it.
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Zeldaintheflesh
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The older I get, the more I realise that the majority of people have no idea what they're doing!
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godivaontherocks
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To be honest, I hope that I never have to feel like a 'grown up'... whatever that means. At least not for a few more years. The mere thought of ever being one is depressing. I don't see the allure. The older I get (I'm now 26), the more doors close for me. It's draining, like having all the life and faith sapped out of you ever so slowly.

I agree though, popping out kiddies does not necessarily make you an adult. I have friends who've gone down that route very early and still aren't mature.
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PinkMobilePhone
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(Original post by somethingbeautiful)
I understand what you're saying with this and I don't think you mean anything else by it other than what you've written and for you obviously having kids and getting married was the stage in your life where you felt grown up. But, I personally don't think that marriage and kids is the definition of 'grown up' for everyone - it is to some people but I know plenty of very immature people from school who had kids as teenagers and married in their 20s and they still act like children themselves. Maybe they feel like adults, I don't know, but they don't project that image other than the fact that they've done 'adult things'.

I'm a lot more mature and responsible as a childless mid twenties graduate than people I know from my school who don't work or do anything in particular but are married with children and have a house of their own (not mortgaged but not living in a bedsit or with their parents). So yeah, I don't think doing certain things makes someone an adult, I think it's the way they behave, their sense of responsibility for themselves and their outlook on life.
Well when you have to pay the bills and take care of a family, it more or less forces you into a position of responsibility. I meant as a direct contrast to people in their 20s and even 30s who have their parents washing their socks for them!

Sometimes doing certain things means you have no choice but to grow up a bit.
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somethingbeautiful
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(Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
Well when you have to pay the bills and take care of a family, it more or less forces you into a position of responsibility. I meant as a direct contrast to people in their 20s and even 30s who have their parents washing their socks for them!

Sometimes doing certain things means you have no choice but to grow up a bit.
I'm not questioning you, I'm saying that for some people with kids it doesn't. Some people with kids don't have bills to pay and they barely look after their children. That's why I'm saying having kids does not equal maturity.
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AvaAdore
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The truth is you will never feel grown up. Most people still feel 21 inside regardless of age.

However your twenties are when ideally you need to be acting more responsibly to secure a decent future and become independent.
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