making friends at university...and beyond!

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
Hey I'm going into my second year at university next year and feel like the experience is slipping away from me.
I am quite good at making friends when there are a few people around or just one person, like I feel like they can actually get to know me but when there are a lot of people around I just crumble.

I have a few friends at home and a long term boyfriend but really hoped to change my predicament (Eg be a part of a bigger group) and ive only really made two friends since being at university.

I've had a few knock backs and one girl completely ripped my confidence to shreds. She kept inviting me out but putting me down when I was there; saying 'you'd look great if you let me do your make up...' 'your boyfriend is a saint for putting up with you' 'you look really old fashioned/grandma's[at my first ever seminar in front of everyone-i wanted to die!] and completely attacked me via text when I called her out on it.

should I be upset about this?
How can I change this/turn things around?
My friends back home say I'm just too mature but I am not sure...i am 21 in July and worked/did extra a levels on my year off. I was a teacher and worked with people 10-30 years my senior so had to grow up fast.
I'm moving in to a flat my parents bought my bf and I and a 'friend' will be our tenant so I'm happy with housing.

Please don't comment saying I should join societies etc because I joined quite a few but they were such closed groups (I don't know if that was just me thinking that though looking back) and the one girl I hung out with in my halls quit...the rest were international students who left after three months so I moved halls and the new group were really threatening. One boy threatened me saying he'd rape me. Saying he'd beat up my bf. He hit a boy across the face and security were called a number of times. The uni didn't do anything about it and still haven't even though I have threatened to tell the police and press and have contacted everyone I could at the University...i don't want to tell you the uni because the boy who did it is on student room and I am scared for my partner's and my safetc

Thanks in advance
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Anonymous #1
#2
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#2
Sorry I took two years off*
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#3
Anyone?
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Anonymous #2
#4
Report 5 years ago
#4
I agree about societies being 'closed groups' as often those who have been in the soc for more than a year have good friendships and it's hard to break into them.
I'm sorry to hear about the troubles you have been having, there's a lot of negativity there and they don't sound like people worth involving yourself with. Surround yourself with people that make you feel better not worse - that will improve your uni experience. It can be very lonely at uni and also a time when you are still trying to find out who you are and what you like/don't like.
Having been at uni for 4 years now and joined over three different societies every year to develop my interests and meet others - it has taken over 12 societies till now where I have formed friendships within a new society I joined this year where I can see lasting beyond university. It's having the patience and belief that someplace there is a society that is mroe inclusive than surface superficial conversations.
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Anonymous #2
#5
Report 5 years ago
#5
if it isn't societies, look into volunteering - they're less about banter/alcohol and people are usually most welcoming and grateful to see a smiling face happy to help out.

(I'm the commenter above) I started Nightline as a helpline volunteer and the emotional intensities of supporting callers can be challenging - being on shift with other volunteers really strengthens friendship bonds even if you don't know them well - you will by the end of the shift. I would really recommend looking into this - it has helped me grow a lot as a person and become more socially aware.
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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
if it isn't societies, look into volunteering - they're less about banter/alcohol and people are usually most welcoming and grateful to see a smiling face happy to help out.

(I'm the commenter above) I started Nightline as a helpline volunteer and the emotional intensities of supporting callers can be challenging - being on shift with other volunteers really strengthens friendship bonds even if you don't know them well - you will by the end of the shift. I would really recommend looking into this - it has helped me grow a lot as a person and become more socially aware.
Thank you for your comments!
I've volunteered with lots of charities before I just wanted to make friends in a more laid back way i already do so many extra curricular activities...
I think also my problem is that I don't put up with people's s**t like I call people out when they are rude or mean and things given me a reputation for being moral and honest and decent and brave and strong...all things people have described me as...but doesn't make me a tonne of friends
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