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Worried about sister (v long post)
My family have had lots of problems in the past; my parents aren't happily married and haven't been for a long time. There have been problems with my dad concerning alcohol abuse, domestic violence and so forth (although these issues have stopped in the last year). My parents are still living together but both have partners (my dad refuses to admit this openly). The atmosphere in the house obviously sucks; my parents just seem to ignore each other. The divorce will be messy and my mum doesn't want to put my brother through it while he is taking his GCSE's this year. My parents also don't seem to want to confront the issues that are facing them and nearly always burry their heads in the sand.
My sister has always been a rock through troubled these years, supporting my mum and takingof the strain. I have been at university for a year but also took allot of the brunt of things whilst i was there. Things have improved between my parents since I’ve been at uni in the respect that there is no more arguing, my parents just seem to ignore each other. I'm in my 2nd year now and have come back for the Christmas break to find my sister is going through an extremely bad patch which I was totally unaware of whilst at uni.
She had been a manager in a clothing shop for 3 years, she decided that she wanted to look for a better paid job and took a job in another shop but didn’t enjoy it and left. Ever since then she has been in and out of jobs in retail for half a year or so. Her boyfriend got engaged to her last year and there relationship has been going really well up until 2006. I discovered that my sister became pregnant in April; he pressured her into having an abortion, saying he couldn't deal with being a Dad and he would have to end his relationship with her if she kept the baby.
Since then they have been together but he broke if off this month. As far as I can gather there have obviously been major issues in their relationship since the abortion. My sister is truly in love with this guy and it seems he is driving her crazy. She has been put on anti depressants by her GP. Around a week before x mas, we got a call from her boyfriend saying that my sister was just sat in her car down the road from his house. She had been to the pub with some friends down the road from his house and got pretty drunk (parked her car there before she got drunk). She then followed this up by buying plenty of booze from the local shop and getting more pissed in her car. Apparently she was continually calling him on his phone, trying to get them back together. I drove out and tried to get her to come home. She wouldn't come home and said she only would if her bf promised he would call her in the morning. So I am rang him and got him to do exact ally that. She then came home.
The same thing basically happened on Christmas Eve, some idiot was winding her up in the pub saying that her bf had another woman on the go. She got even more wasted. Obviously I was really worried and drove out to get her again. I literally spent three hours or so trying to convince her to come home in the freezing cold. She ended up locking herself in the car and was just in floods of tears. During that time though she said things along lines of 'I murdered it' and 'I can't put on a show anymore, he was one of the only decent things in my life'. As a result I had to go call on her bf house and get him to come and convince her to come home as she wasn't listening to me. In the end she ended up coming back home, however she tried to get yet more drink for our fridge at home. I literally had to shout and physical pull the bottle from her hand. Needless to say all the alcohol was removed from the fridge.
My sister seems allot better since, she even tried to go down to the job centre today to sort out a job (unfot it is closed during the Christmas period). However my mum has since told me my sister attempted suicide about 2 weeks ago, but changed her mind and called a ambulance as soon as she had taken a over dose.
This obviously really worries me, my mum thinks it may have been just a way of her to get the attention of her bf, as the only thing my sister seemed concerned about was that he knew she had been taken to hospital. She is clearly concerned too though, and won't take any risks. I just don't really know what to do. The situation clearly sucks at home and I don't see her getting better if she stays unemployed just watching day time TV. My Dad is just oblivious to all this as he is never at home, even if he did know, I don't see him dealing with the situation well, he would prob makes it worse.
The only thing I can think to do, is suggest to her that she should seek out some professional support after all she has been through. I love my family to bits and would do anything for them, but this whole situation has been really emotionally draining. I have jan exams and haven't done any work while I have been back because of it all. I was planning on celebrating new years at the place I go to uni and think I am going to stay there from then on, as I just can't get any work done at home. I tried to cheer my sister up as much as I can, but does anyone have anymore advice? I am going to stay in touch on the phone with her but the reality is I am not at home that often. What makes it worse is that I am spending this summer in America which is good for me but bad for my family. I feel kinda guilty to just leave them but i am not around much in long term and fear they are becoming more dependant on me as each day passes. TBH i not really sure what i can do, i feel pretty powerless.
My sister has always been a rock through troubled these years, supporting my mum and takingof the strain. I have been at university for a year but also took allot of the brunt of things whilst i was there. Things have improved between my parents since I’ve been at uni in the respect that there is no more arguing, my parents just seem to ignore each other. I'm in my 2nd year now and have come back for the Christmas break to find my sister is going through an extremely bad patch which I was totally unaware of whilst at uni.
She had been a manager in a clothing shop for 3 years, she decided that she wanted to look for a better paid job and took a job in another shop but didn’t enjoy it and left. Ever since then she has been in and out of jobs in retail for half a year or so. Her boyfriend got engaged to her last year and there relationship has been going really well up until 2006. I discovered that my sister became pregnant in April; he pressured her into having an abortion, saying he couldn't deal with being a Dad and he would have to end his relationship with her if she kept the baby.
Since then they have been together but he broke if off this month. As far as I can gather there have obviously been major issues in their relationship since the abortion. My sister is truly in love with this guy and it seems he is driving her crazy. She has been put on anti depressants by her GP. Around a week before x mas, we got a call from her boyfriend saying that my sister was just sat in her car down the road from his house. She had been to the pub with some friends down the road from his house and got pretty drunk (parked her car there before she got drunk). She then followed this up by buying plenty of booze from the local shop and getting more pissed in her car. Apparently she was continually calling him on his phone, trying to get them back together. I drove out and tried to get her to come home. She wouldn't come home and said she only would if her bf promised he would call her in the morning. So I am rang him and got him to do exact ally that. She then came home.
The same thing basically happened on Christmas Eve, some idiot was winding her up in the pub saying that her bf had another woman on the go. She got even more wasted. Obviously I was really worried and drove out to get her again. I literally spent three hours or so trying to convince her to come home in the freezing cold. She ended up locking herself in the car and was just in floods of tears. During that time though she said things along lines of 'I murdered it' and 'I can't put on a show anymore, he was one of the only decent things in my life'. As a result I had to go call on her bf house and get him to come and convince her to come home as she wasn't listening to me. In the end she ended up coming back home, however she tried to get yet more drink for our fridge at home. I literally had to shout and physical pull the bottle from her hand. Needless to say all the alcohol was removed from the fridge.
My sister seems allot better since, she even tried to go down to the job centre today to sort out a job (unfot it is closed during the Christmas period). However my mum has since told me my sister attempted suicide about 2 weeks ago, but changed her mind and called a ambulance as soon as she had taken a over dose.
This obviously really worries me, my mum thinks it may have been just a way of her to get the attention of her bf, as the only thing my sister seemed concerned about was that he knew she had been taken to hospital. She is clearly concerned too though, and won't take any risks. I just don't really know what to do. The situation clearly sucks at home and I don't see her getting better if she stays unemployed just watching day time TV. My Dad is just oblivious to all this as he is never at home, even if he did know, I don't see him dealing with the situation well, he would prob makes it worse.
The only thing I can think to do, is suggest to her that she should seek out some professional support after all she has been through. I love my family to bits and would do anything for them, but this whole situation has been really emotionally draining. I have jan exams and haven't done any work while I have been back because of it all. I was planning on celebrating new years at the place I go to uni and think I am going to stay there from then on, as I just can't get any work done at home. I tried to cheer my sister up as much as I can, but does anyone have anymore advice? I am going to stay in touch on the phone with her but the reality is I am not at home that often. What makes it worse is that I am spending this summer in America which is good for me but bad for my family. I feel kinda guilty to just leave them but i am not around much in long term and fear they are becoming more dependant on me as each day passes. TBH i not really sure what i can do, i feel pretty powerless.
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Reply 1
8
her boyf sounds liek a ******. he should be shot
you deserve a medal, she does, sounds like a rough long haul.
i wish i could think of more to say *hugs*
I suggest counciling. antidepressants only work as a temporary solution whilst you get your head sorted out.
you deserve a medal, she does, sounds like a rough long haul.
i wish i could think of more to say *hugs*
I suggest counciling. antidepressants only work as a temporary solution whilst you get your head sorted out.
Reply 2
I had the intention of giving some sort of advice when clicking on this post but after reading through that, im so shocked about whats happened...i haven't been through that much in my own life to offer any sort of advice that might be of any help. What is obvious though is that ur sister needs you now more than ever, make sure ur there for her. Stay strong, hope things work out in the new year. Its 2:26am, u should get some sleep.
Reply 3
11
I understand you feeling guilty but your sister & family in general are not your responsibility.
Nevertheless, I suggest you sit down and have a heart to heart with your sister, when she's sober. Tell her how worried you are, make her promise to get in touch with you if she needs help. Make her delete her ex's number and remove all trace of him from her life. Tell her how beautiful she is and that she can and will do so much better than him.
From the fact she rang the ambulance, she obviously didn't want to die when she ODed, but she must have felt awful. I think you should suggest councelling. Because at the moment she's obviously trying to cope with alcohol and it's not going to work. I feel sorry for her.
I hope things work out.
Nevertheless, I suggest you sit down and have a heart to heart with your sister, when she's sober. Tell her how worried you are, make her promise to get in touch with you if she needs help. Make her delete her ex's number and remove all trace of him from her life. Tell her how beautiful she is and that she can and will do so much better than him.
From the fact she rang the ambulance, she obviously didn't want to die when she ODed, but she must have felt awful. I think you should suggest councelling. Because at the moment she's obviously trying to cope with alcohol and it's not going to work. I feel sorry for her.
I hope things work out.
Reply 4
17
Firstly, none of this is your fault so don't feel guilty. Props to you for even coming home. If my family was like that, I would kill myself before I came home (sorry).
Secondly, you deserve the time away in the US and I think you should enjoy it.
Finally, your sis needs to get professional help (ie. a shrink). She's not sick, but she needs someone to talk to her who will understand what she's going through.
All the best mate, you really need to be strong!
Secondly, you deserve the time away in the US and I think you should enjoy it.
Finally, your sis needs to get professional help (ie. a shrink). She's not sick, but she needs someone to talk to her who will understand what she's going through.
All the best mate, you really need to be strong!
Reply 5
Thanks for your replies guys. I am defo gonna talk to her and suggest counciling. I don't know if i am that strong though, i'm finding it really hard to get to sleep. When i do fall asleep i keep having recurring dreams that she has commited sucide. I just feel really edgy at the mo. Am meant to be going out with some old friends tonight for drinks, i don't really even feel i can do that. I'm normally a really happy drunk but i'm afriad that if i do get drunk, i may show how i am really feeling at the mo. My friends are great and would understand but tbh i don't really want them knowing about all this stuff, people treat you differently, at least with them times are fun. I don't really want all the misery of my home life bought down on them. I am looking on the positive side though, my sister seems to want to sort out her life (going to the job centre ect) and that can only be a good thing.
Reply 6
I think you should talk to her about how she is feeling and let her know that you are here for her. Maybe you should try and get her to open up to you about her abortion, because it sounds like she is really regretting it.
I also think that you definitely need to ask her to go for some professional counselling to sort herself out (and to sort out her feelings for this guy, who sounds like a complete loser). She will come out of this, but you need to be there with her every step of the way.
I also think that you definitely need to ask her to go for some professional counselling to sort herself out (and to sort out her feelings for this guy, who sounds like a complete loser). She will come out of this, but you need to be there with her every step of the way.
Reply 7
I can relate to this very slightly, only in the sense that my sister is not looking after herself at the moment and the whole family is trying to help her too. Thing is shes just ignoring the help and the problem. However, while it is fairly severe its not anywhere near as pressured as the situation you're in and has none of the complex history.
I agree that persuading her to get counselling is sensible, but also maybe telling her that when she finds herself in the situation where she is thinking about her bf and reaching for the drink to call you, meet up if you can and talk it through together. My sister refuses counselling so i just try to get what i can out of her and help her to confront her problem as best i can.
Also, it sounds like she had a really good life before with a great job and bf, so obviously she probably feels the loss of that quite harshly. The fact is she can get a new job and theres nothing stopping her being as succesful at it as she was at her previous one, and she will find a new bf who will treat her kindly. Its good that her ex seems to have been so supportive of her but at the same time if he has broken away from her and didn't want a child with her then its clear he can't love her as much as she clearly loved him and she needs to move on.
I hope that i've given some helpful advice and if i've said anything overly presumptious i apologise and please ignore me. Good luck dealing with this, make sure you have a strong network of friends to help you through this aswell and do go to america if you can because you're life needs to carry on whatever is going on with hers. Do you're best for her but don't forget to take care of yourself and get yourself through you're exams. You don't want to resent her because her troubles held you back.
*hugs* Take care
I agree that persuading her to get counselling is sensible, but also maybe telling her that when she finds herself in the situation where she is thinking about her bf and reaching for the drink to call you, meet up if you can and talk it through together. My sister refuses counselling so i just try to get what i can out of her and help her to confront her problem as best i can.
Also, it sounds like she had a really good life before with a great job and bf, so obviously she probably feels the loss of that quite harshly. The fact is she can get a new job and theres nothing stopping her being as succesful at it as she was at her previous one, and she will find a new bf who will treat her kindly. Its good that her ex seems to have been so supportive of her but at the same time if he has broken away from her and didn't want a child with her then its clear he can't love her as much as she clearly loved him and she needs to move on.
I hope that i've given some helpful advice and if i've said anything overly presumptious i apologise and please ignore me. Good luck dealing with this, make sure you have a strong network of friends to help you through this aswell and do go to america if you can because you're life needs to carry on whatever is going on with hers. Do you're best for her but don't forget to take care of yourself and get yourself through you're exams. You don't want to resent her because her troubles held you back.
*hugs* Take care
Reply 8
17
What do your sister's friends have to say about the situation? Maybe she should go out with them.
Reply 9
15
I'm so sorry to hear about you and your sister 
It seems to me as if your sister is incredibly traumatised by her termination - it sounds as if her boyfriend was the one wanting her to have an abortion while she was not happy with the idea. But she did it because she wanted to stay with her boyfriend, and now that he's threatening to leave her, she might be feeling that it wasn't worth having an abortion because he was going to leave her anyway, if you see what I mean. Because he told her that he would leave her if she had the baby, and now she thinks he'll leave her even though she's not having the baby. What a terrible thing for her to go through.
I think she does need to talk to someone. It doesn't have to be a qualified person, but anyone who can listen to her explaining her feelings about everything. If she can verbalise her emotions, it really would help her to come to terms with everything, instead of just having this vague feeling of extreme sadness. Can you phone her a bit from uni? I know that you've got your own things to worry about, but if she had someone calling her regularly, perhaps every week or every two weeks, she might be able to feel a bit better.
Good luck, and I hope she feels better soon.
xxx
It seems to me as if your sister is incredibly traumatised by her termination - it sounds as if her boyfriend was the one wanting her to have an abortion while she was not happy with the idea. But she did it because she wanted to stay with her boyfriend, and now that he's threatening to leave her, she might be feeling that it wasn't worth having an abortion because he was going to leave her anyway, if you see what I mean. Because he told her that he would leave her if she had the baby, and now she thinks he'll leave her even though she's not having the baby. What a terrible thing for her to go through.
I think she does need to talk to someone. It doesn't have to be a qualified person, but anyone who can listen to her explaining her feelings about everything. If she can verbalise her emotions, it really would help her to come to terms with everything, instead of just having this vague feeling of extreme sadness. Can you phone her a bit from uni? I know that you've got your own things to worry about, but if she had someone calling her regularly, perhaps every week or every two weeks, she might be able to feel a bit better.
Good luck, and I hope she feels better soon.
xxx
Reply 10
Really sorry to hear about you and your sister mate, I think the best thing you can do is to stay with your sister for sometimes and try to change her mind to get back to her normal life. She really needs someone to be with her within this period and I guess she'll be fine after a couple of weeks.
Take care, I feel really sorry to hear about that. Women often feel guilty after abortions and need sometime to calm down.
Take care, I feel really sorry to hear about that. Women often feel guilty after abortions and need sometime to calm down.
Reply 11
Thanks for all your sympathy and advice. I took my sis out for a meal today, it went really well. I didn't bring up any of the issues, i just wanted her to have a nice time and forget everything for a little while. She seems to be getting alot better, i plan on chatting to her tomorrow about everything.
It's tricky to bring up her boyfriend though, i know he's a complete cock but she is mad about him and a bad word seems to causes her to complete lock down and pretty much leave the room. He does have alot to answer for but i just want her to get over him and move on with her life, any conflict with him is only going to make matters worse. She seems to be trying to sort out a job which is good news. There is not much more i can do but let her know i'm there for her and hope she sorts herself out.
It's tricky to bring up her boyfriend though, i know he's a complete cock but she is mad about him and a bad word seems to causes her to complete lock down and pretty much leave the room. He does have alot to answer for but i just want her to get over him and move on with her life, any conflict with him is only going to make matters worse. She seems to be trying to sort out a job which is good news. There is not much more i can do but let her know i'm there for her and hope she sorts herself out.
Reply 12
Bald Apple
What do your sister's friends have to say about the situation? Maybe she should go out with them.
Well i am not really sure about her friends, she has a whole new friendship group to the one i knew before she went to uni. I think like alot of girls with a serious bf she let friends drift away. She has one really good friend who seems to be supporting her. However the drinking problems seem to arise when she goes out socialising with her friends, like with many friends the pub is the main place to socialise. I don't really wanna ecourage her to go out with them, as thats when both of the incidents with her losing it and trying to contact her bf has happened. She just needs to stay away from drink. Last few days have been alot better, so hopefully the worse is over.
Reply 13
17
Anonymous
Well i am not really sure about her friends, she has a whole new friendship group to the one i knew before she went to uni. I think like alot of girls with a serious bf she let friends drift away. She has one really good friend who seems to be supporting her. However the drinking problems seem to arise when she goes out socialising with her friends, like with many friends the pub is the main place to socialise. I don't really wanna ecourage her to go out with them, as thats when both of the incidents with her losing it and trying to contact her bf has happened. She just needs to stay away from drink. Last few days have been alot better, so hopefully the worse is over.
Oh, I see. In that case, it's best she doesn't meet them much. But then again, maybe you should take her out with you?
Reply 14
Not the happiest story I've read.... definitely sucks, but let me see if I can offer any insight. The whole parent-divorce thing isn't relevant, and although it increases all of your family's stress and anxiety, I do not believe if has any sort of significant relevance in this situation.
So let me summarise what happened:
B/G: Your sister is unemployed and has difficulty finding another job, arguments between parents etc.
1) Your sister got pregnant
2) Boyfriend wants an abortion - doesn't want to be a dad just yet (I think if you told us the age of the individuals in question it would help)
3) Sister does abortion
4) Unknown arguments take place after abortion
5) .... until the guy breaks off the relationship.
6) Your sister isn't taking all this too well and goes to extreme measures to get him back/get his attention.
7) She does an aborted-suicide in hope of getting his attention
OK, first off, the guy wanted an abortion. Knowing their age would help here, because if he is young than I can understand that he would desperately not want to have a baby. Threatening to leave her was a bit on the un-ethical side, it was an extreme measure. Age would help here. But anyway, your sister agreed. Did she want to keep the baby? What were their arguments about afterwards?
I think I can offer more in-depth advice if you answer the above questions.
Although I sympathise with your sister a lot, there are some things which she needs to understand.
1) Trying to get him back, forcing him to get back together with her through threatening to kill herself and waiting outside of his car crying histerically like a lunatic (sorry) is just as unethical as him threatening to leave her if she did not get an abortion, even more so, as the thing at stake is a life (no anti-abortionists, religious pro-life comments please you know what I mean) but the thing at stake there was just an end to a relationship.
2) She is not going to get him back by trying to force him to come back - does she really think that the guy would want to marry/engage to someone who is so unstable? Sorry again, but if she has any chance of getting back with him, those chances will be erased by her acting like a drunken lunatic and all suicidal - that will scare him off. He'll feel sorry for her and would not let her kill herself, but he won't marry such a person.
Just think about it, would you get back with someone who said "get back with me or I kill myself?". No. You'd make them think that you would for a while so they don't kill themselves but you wouldn't want to be forced into a relationship like that.
So if your Sister wants to get the guy back, a different approach is definitely needed. At this moment, the best I can say is to stop acting hysterical and talk things out. And if he doesn't want the relationship, she will have to let go.
Even if she really likes him, she may have to let go. Or give it some time perhaps. Or maybe talk about things with him. More info is needed. What is their age and what were the arguments about before/after the breakup?
Oh and sorry for sounding a bit harsh in places. I am probably on your sister's side here but she has to understand that there are things she shouldn't do. Tell us about her boyfriend, is he an OK guy? Is he a punk or a junkie? Is he like a bad-boy she is crazy about or a nice guy who was frightened of taking the plunge of having children?
Michael
So let me summarise what happened:
B/G: Your sister is unemployed and has difficulty finding another job, arguments between parents etc.
1) Your sister got pregnant
2) Boyfriend wants an abortion - doesn't want to be a dad just yet (I think if you told us the age of the individuals in question it would help)
3) Sister does abortion
4) Unknown arguments take place after abortion
5) .... until the guy breaks off the relationship.
6) Your sister isn't taking all this too well and goes to extreme measures to get him back/get his attention.
7) She does an aborted-suicide in hope of getting his attention
OK, first off, the guy wanted an abortion. Knowing their age would help here, because if he is young than I can understand that he would desperately not want to have a baby. Threatening to leave her was a bit on the un-ethical side, it was an extreme measure. Age would help here. But anyway, your sister agreed. Did she want to keep the baby? What were their arguments about afterwards?
I think I can offer more in-depth advice if you answer the above questions.
Although I sympathise with your sister a lot, there are some things which she needs to understand.
1) Trying to get him back, forcing him to get back together with her through threatening to kill herself and waiting outside of his car crying histerically like a lunatic (sorry) is just as unethical as him threatening to leave her if she did not get an abortion, even more so, as the thing at stake is a life (no anti-abortionists, religious pro-life comments please you know what I mean) but the thing at stake there was just an end to a relationship.
2) She is not going to get him back by trying to force him to come back - does she really think that the guy would want to marry/engage to someone who is so unstable? Sorry again, but if she has any chance of getting back with him, those chances will be erased by her acting like a drunken lunatic and all suicidal - that will scare him off. He'll feel sorry for her and would not let her kill herself, but he won't marry such a person.
Just think about it, would you get back with someone who said "get back with me or I kill myself?". No. You'd make them think that you would for a while so they don't kill themselves but you wouldn't want to be forced into a relationship like that.
So if your Sister wants to get the guy back, a different approach is definitely needed. At this moment, the best I can say is to stop acting hysterical and talk things out. And if he doesn't want the relationship, she will have to let go.
Even if she really likes him, she may have to let go. Or give it some time perhaps. Or maybe talk about things with him. More info is needed. What is their age and what were the arguments about before/after the breakup?
Oh and sorry for sounding a bit harsh in places. I am probably on your sister's side here but she has to understand that there are things she shouldn't do. Tell us about her boyfriend, is he an OK guy? Is he a punk or a junkie? Is he like a bad-boy she is crazy about or a nice guy who was frightened of taking the plunge of having children?
Michael
Reply 15
Anonymous
I have jan exams and haven't done any work while I have been back because of it all.
I have jan exams and haven't done any work while I have been back because of it all.
You should ring up your student advisor at your uni or their equivalent and explain your situation and see if they can give you extra time or support.
Reply 16
I feel so sad after reading your story
Please please please enjoy your summer in America as you deserve it! Also I know it may be a lot alongside your studies, but please look after your sister. I presume shes in love (?) and it's one of the hardest things to go through in life if you're not loved back....
If the boyfirend really doesn't want to know her then there's not much that can be done on that side of things and I guess in time she will grow out of him. Say nasty things about him
Oh and tell her how wonderful she is and deserves much more than that bastard
Michailz....I presume you have never been in love? You describe the girl in question as a lunatic....what can she do!?!? She's madly in love with her ex boyfirend and wants him back....anyone would do the same. She can't help the way she feels and doesn't know what else to do or how to deal with it...so you can't possibly call her a crazy person...
OK now to the OP, I wish you the best of luck in dealing with these problems....if this gets any worse....get your whole family involved....dad/aunts/uncles etc...and get them all to bombard her with nice comments about her...just don't let her think she's alone. During these times the best remedy is knowing you have people around you that care. Also she may find going to church/temple/mosque (etc..)as a bit of comfort....make her see a priest or the equivalent of the other religions, a figure with authority giving you advice/soothing your pains can do a lot of good...
Hope this helps, and again please don't let the family problems get in the way of your studies...and please don't let anyone neglect your sister....they may think think she's over reacting...but love is a fragile thing and people will do all sorts of things to puruse it.
Good luck again
Please please please enjoy your summer in America as you deserve it! Also I know it may be a lot alongside your studies, but please look after your sister. I presume shes in love (?) and it's one of the hardest things to go through in life if you're not loved back....
If the boyfirend really doesn't want to know her then there's not much that can be done on that side of things and I guess in time she will grow out of him. Say nasty things about him
Oh and tell her how wonderful she is and deserves much more than that bastard Michailz....I presume you have never been in love? You describe the girl in question as a lunatic....what can she do!?!? She's madly in love with her ex boyfirend and wants him back....anyone would do the same. She can't help the way she feels and doesn't know what else to do or how to deal with it...so you can't possibly call her a crazy person...
OK now to the OP, I wish you the best of luck in dealing with these problems....if this gets any worse....get your whole family involved....dad/aunts/uncles etc...and get them all to bombard her with nice comments about her...just don't let her think she's alone. During these times the best remedy is knowing you have people around you that care. Also she may find going to church/temple/mosque (etc..)as a bit of comfort....make her see a priest or the equivalent of the other religions, a figure with authority giving you advice/soothing your pains can do a lot of good...
Hope this helps, and again please don't let the family problems get in the way of your studies...and please don't let anyone neglect your sister....they may think think she's over reacting...but love is a fragile thing and people will do all sorts of things to puruse it.
Good luck again
Reply 17
Hey, "tkane".... spying on me again, are we? Oh well maybe you'll learn something hahaha...
Anyways, just cos you know me doesn't mean that you know 100% of everything I've ever done.
Love is all wonderful, and I get that, but sometimes you need to be rational and let your feelings take a back seat. What I said was, if she likes him, she will never get him back by threatening to kill herself, because nobody would want to be forced into a relationship like that. So if she wants to achieve something she should be a bit more.... stable.
I agree mostly with tkane's post, family and friends and trips to places and days out will do a lot to calm the OP's and her sister's nerves. But it won't do anything to remedy the relationship with the boyfriend.
As for priests and temples, they are useless. They see the world through holy-scriptures and are useless at offering advice on most things, except perhaps how not to sin (yeah right). If you or her need someone independent to talk to get her and you to see a councillor.
Michael
Anyways, just cos you know me doesn't mean that you know 100% of everything I've ever done.
Love is all wonderful, and I get that, but sometimes you need to be rational and let your feelings take a back seat. What I said was, if she likes him, she will never get him back by threatening to kill herself, because nobody would want to be forced into a relationship like that. So if she wants to achieve something she should be a bit more.... stable.
I agree mostly with tkane's post, family and friends and trips to places and days out will do a lot to calm the OP's and her sister's nerves. But it won't do anything to remedy the relationship with the boyfriend.
As for priests and temples, they are useless. They see the world through holy-scriptures and are useless at offering advice on most things, except perhaps how not to sin (yeah right). If you or her need someone independent to talk to get her and you to see a councillor.
Michael
Reply 18
Your sister quite obviously needs professional counselling - and soon - I am sure its available fairly easily from the NHS (I hope)
I think thats the best advice anyone can give really.
I think thats the best advice anyone can give really.
Reply 19
I had a proper chat with her today. she has promised me she will stay away from drink. Apparently she already asked her GP about professional support and on the NHS it going to take at least a month until a councillor is available.
I think things are getting better though, however her bf sent her a confusing text saying that he doesn't know what he wants but he needs some space. So she is still holding onto the possibility that they may get back together.
I think things are getting better though, however her bf sent her a confusing text saying that he doesn't know what he wants but he needs some space. So she is still holding onto the possibility that they may get back together.
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