Autistic brother is so annoying.

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Dancatpro
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#21
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#21
(Original post by hellokittymad)

Im on the spectrum myself and my brother and sister are too Ive been in this position with A levels and now a degree.

Any general Uni tips for people on the spectrum (mild Aspie myself)?

I am off to uni in september and i thought you might be a good person to ask !
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MutoSiko
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(Original post by Dancatpro)
I have an autistic brother AS WELL AS THIS.........
Not going to start an argument - you didn't mention that in your post so I assumed you didn't. If you did mention it, sorry I didn't see it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by hellokittymad)
okay...
1) He has autism which means it is more than likely going to take him a little longer to mature than most people and he's also a boy and it's proven it takes them longer to mature than girls as it is. He isn't going to be having a tantrum all the time it could also be a meltdown which are out of someone with autism's control. If its an issue or the noise is an issue then make him a noise chart that shows him when he can be noisier other than that where headphones with music on or ear defenders and work in your bedroom, go out the house to the library or somewhere.

2) Define 'nice' because i can think of some perfectly nice foods that don't make people hyper.

3) Your mother is stressed more than likely at the end of her rope because she has a child with a different need who more than likely doesn't always know how express himself so she has to spend time trying work out what he wants, cut her some slack and maybe try to figure out what you can let go of yourself in order to make it easier on both of you if youre arguing over silly things such as who's going to do the dishes, the washing or where youre going let it go just keep calm and walk away if you feel yourself getting upset or stressed go do something calming.

4) you don't know that that is how he sees the world, autistic people are often quite empathetic we just dont know how to show it properly we learn by watching, he more than likely shows your mum love and affection because he knows how too and she's a safe person who reassures him and he may show love to you and others in different ways its not always going to be conventional true but he sees the world from a different perspective and you have to learn to appreciate that.

Im on the spectrum myself and my brother and sister are too Ive been in this position with A levels and now a degree.
Thank you
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Vapourmile
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My advice is work hard on changing your attitude and feelings about your brother.

From your post is sounds as if you could be doing more to help your mother with the responsibility of taking care of your brother.

It might well also do wonders if you do more to help your brother directly. I expect he is more likely to relax if he has fewer stresses himself.

You also don't say what it is you argue about?

In your email you noticeably talk only of your own stress and feelings. You don't say anything about being able to empathise with the stress or feelings of your mother or brother.

My advice is, train yourself to be more considerate.
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Dancatpro
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(Original post by MutoSiko)
Not going to start an argument - you didn't mention that in your post so I assumed you didn't. If you did mention it, sorry I didn't see it.
Not a problem bro!
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BCMFM16
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(Original post by Dancatpro)
I have an autistic brother AS WELL AS THIS.........
Can you show some sympathy to the OP?

Everyone's situation is different, just because you were able to deal it well, doesn't mean everyone else will.
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Dancatpro
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(Original post by BCMFM16)
Can you show some sympathy to the OP?

Everyone's situation is different, just because you were able to deal it well, doesn't mean everyone else will.
fair enough, he is not being tolerant enough though
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Vapourmile
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All of you are wrong in demanding more from everybody else's sympathies. If you wish to succeed in life you should realise early that maturity is almost identical with the realisation that you alone are the one person you are entitled to expect to offer greater sympathy and empathy to others.
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hellokittymad
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#29
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(Original post by Dancatpro)
Any general Uni tips for people on the spectrum (mild Aspie myself)?

I am off to uni in september and i thought you might be a good person to ask !
feel free to PM me with questions
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Anonymous #1
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#30
(Original post by Vapourmile)
My advice is work hard on changing your attitude and feelings about your brother.

From your post is sounds as if you could be doing more to help your mother with the responsibility of taking care of your brother.

It might well also do wonders if you do more to help your brother directly. I expect he is more likely to relax if he has fewer stresses himself.

You also don't say what it is you argue about?

In your email you noticeably talk only of your own stress and feelings. You don't say anything about being able to empathise with the stress or feelings of your mother or brother.

My advice is, train yourself to be more considerate.
I think I will have to. I don't intend on leaving home anyway.

I do help around the house as well as looking after him.

Recently my mum was really upset, following a review at his school, I came to her to talk about my problems, but she just told me to leave since she believes I am not doing enough to help him.
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Vapourmile
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think I will have to. I don't intend on leaving home anyway.

I do help around the house as well as looking after him.

Recently my mum was really upset, following a review at his school, I came to her to talk about my problems, but she just told me to leave since she believes I am not doing enough to help him.
Well perhaps you can see in there a route then? When your mother is upset the first thing to do is to let her have a chance to share her experience of her difficulties with you. You might be able to identify ways you can help relieve her of some of the burden of responsibility to your brother? She may even appreciate it if you approach her and ask, although, if she has had a great deal of grief, it may not work like magic straight away. When people feel under pressure they are usually not at their best, even though they might want to talk about it. You don't say anything about your father?

If she thinks you might do more to help. Talk to her about it and try to listen. You have priorities of your own too. Although there may be a way for you to achieve all your priorities, of helping your family to cope and doing well in your exams too. Sometimes, hard as it is, doing some work for others welfare can be the very thing which creates the space we need to achieve the other things which are important to us. It may be easier to speak to your mum first and hear some thoughts on the issues from her.

Remember that mums have additional problems when they have children who are different to others, one of those is they can sometimes feel to blame. So while it is reasonable to have your own needs and priorities, it is necessary also to realise your mum is hurting too.
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Blue Butterfly
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Although I can't emphasise with you I do know someone in the same situation as you. And I feel like people are being too harsh on you, it's easier to say that you need to be more tolerant than actually be that position yourself.

You seem frustrated so maybe you could speak to a close friend and let it all out if you find you can't speak to your mum. As for revision, as others have mentioned, going to the library will probably help.

It must be hard not getting much attention from your mum but I'm sure she's trying her best (you've probably heard that a million times so I'm sorry). I've seen how difficult it is to control an autistic child; she must feel under a lot of pressure and stress so maybe try doing something nice for her once in a while.

Good luck with your exams
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Tanzi_a)
Although I can't emphasise with you I do know someone in the same situation as you. And I feel like people are being too harsh on you, it's easier to say that you need to be more tolerant than actually be that position yourself.

You seem frustrated so maybe you could speak to a close friend and let it all out if you find you can't speak to your mum. As for revision, as others have mentioned, going to the library will probably help.

It must be hard not getting much attention from your mum but I'm sure she's trying her best (you've probably heard that a million times so I'm sorry). I've seen how difficult it is to control an autistic child; she must feel under a lot of pressure and stress so maybe try doing something nice for her once in a while.

Good luck with your exams
Thank you
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karl pilkington
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This may seem rude but have you ever thought about using physical violence like maybe giving him a clip around the ear or maybe a hard slap if he is really naughty. As he is autistic I presume you can't separate out him genuinely being bad or just being naughty so I would just use violence.
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shawn_o1
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^ I wouldn't
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Tiger Rag
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I am Autistic and have an Autistic sibling.

You have to remember that he probably doesn't know how to show / tell people he loves them. He also can't control the way he acts either. You need to learn to understand this.
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KJane
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You probably don't know how it feels if you don't have an autistic sibling.

1. He acts like a 2 year old, even though he's 8, screaming and throwing tantrums. Which is affecting my preparation for my A-level exams next week.

2. We can't even have nice foods in the house because it will make him hyper etc

3. I barely talk to my mother since she is busy dealing with his problems, as a result we argue often.

4. He doesn't show any love to anyone else except my mum, in his eyes we're just people who give him stuff whenever he wants it.

Any advice from people who have actually experienced this?
My brother is autistic too, so I get the need to vent when it gets frustrating. Which it does. It does require a lot of patience, and unfortunately it is you who's going to have to find ways around it. Can you not find other quiet spaces to study? A local library maybe?
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KJane
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(Original post by karl pilkington)
This may seem rude but have you ever thought about using physical violence like maybe giving him a clip around the ear or maybe a hard slap if he is really naughty. As he is autistic I presume you can't separate out him genuinely being bad or just being naughty so I would just use violence.
Really, really awful advice.
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Tiger Rag
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(Original post by karl pilkington)
This may seem rude but have you ever thought about using physical violence like maybe giving him a clip around the ear or maybe a hard slap if he is really naughty. As he is autistic I presume you can't separate out him genuinely being bad or just being naughty so I would just use violence.
which will teach him what, exactly?
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Profesh
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't need a paragraph on how food can affect someone. We've had a nutritionist tell us we can't eat certain foods, foods that we normally would eat.
Do you mean 'dietitian'? Because if not, you've only demonstrated his point.
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