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Completely vanishing from partner's life or really hurting them with the truth?

Which one is worse, in your opinion? And by vanishing I mean really vanishing, leaving them without a single trace and pretending that everything is fine til the very last second The truth would probably scar them for life. So which one, really, is a worse thing to do?
It depends what the truth is and how bad it was


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Reply 2
Avatar for pfm
pfm
7
Leaving without saying anything, for sure. I think that's the cruellest thing you can do.

They deserve to know. At least then they have a hope in hell of moving on without wondering whether you're alive or dead, or spending endless amounts of time wondering why/where you've gone.

Even though it might hurt them, honesty is always the best policy. The truth always comes out in the end.
Reply 3
Avatar for imawotsit
imawotsit
Completely vanishing. My first boyfriend did that and it screwed with me really badly because I blamed myself for so long.

What is "the truth" you're talking about?
Reply 4
Avatar for Rum Ham
Rum Ham
20
Both would hurt like hell but I imagine vanishing forever would be worse. To me, being in the dark and not having questions answered would hurt and annoy me more than knowing the truth even though it would hurt. You can move on once you fully know where you stand but if someone has just walked out yourself with no questions answered, it can be harder to move on from that.
Neither. I doubt here is any need for the 'unvarnished' (harsh) truth. Equally no need to mysteriously disappear!

You need a version of the truth that will let them down gently, allow them to save face and give you an 'out' without feeling like you've crushed someone completely. You can't stop them being upset but why pour salt in the wound?

This is why cliches like 'It's not you it's me' have become popular. Something along those lines (but you can do better I'm sure). Don't bang on about the new hot flame that I'm guessing is the cause of the break up! Keep it vague.

I know that in theory truth is a good thing but you need to balance that with tact. No need to hurt someone more than necessary. Also no need to stay friends if you don't want. Don't just vanish into the night but yeah, give them 'space' if that's what you need.
(edited 8 years ago)
The truth is better, it at least gives them closure. With vanishing, they'd always be wondering.

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